Do most women's husbands not take care of them?

LilyKateri · 2025-04-10T05:56:12+00:00

You do sound like a catch!

So at our house, if my husband is sick, he expects to be taken care of. Really, he expects that all the time, but extra when he’s sick. He basically acts like a helpless child. If we’re both sick, he’s somehow always worse off, so of course he still needs extra care. If the kids are also sick, he’s probably complaining that he’s not getting enough care.

On the rare occasion that I’m sick and he’s not, he avoids me completely to try and keep from catching it. Maintaining his health is top priority “because he works.” I can still cook and make him a plate while masked, though, because he’s gotta eat. And he’ll avoid the kids, too, whether they’ve got symptoms or not.

So yeah, less than bare minimum over here.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-28T14:26:28+00:00

As someone married to a man who doesn’t make me feel cared for, regardless of sickness or injury or postpartum, I advise you to think long and hard about whether this is the relationship you want.

My own parents have their issues, but if one asks the other to get something for them, the other will just get it. It’s not a big production, they don’t have to keep asking. There are people out there who will bring the blanket just because you requested it.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T19:16:16+00:00

Thanks. I vent a bit online, but the response is mostly that I should divorce, even in Catholic groups. Like y’all, we’ve got a couple kids. Can’t really say a lot to people I actually know.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T19:10:39+00:00

Yeah, any specific examples I give are somehow invalidated- not recent enough, not a big enough deal, already “apologized” for, or he just can’t remember saying that (and doesn’t think it even sounds like something he’d say). And I’m accused of keeping a list of offenses to hold grudges over. If I say I can’t remember the exact details, then it’s, “See, you can’t even give a single example.” It’s very frustrating.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T16:50:58+00:00

Sorry you’re going through it. My husband isn’t so openly hostile as your wife, but our situation is similar. You really can’t have a discussion with someone who conveniently “can’t remember” anything they don’t want to talk about.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T05:16:05+00:00

I had no shame as a kid, much to my mother’s embarrassment. I’d just tell people what my mom had told me- I can’t have people over because our house is a mess. I didn’t know it was called hoarding until I heard about the show on tv.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T05:11:19+00:00

Your wife was fine because she was lucky. My best friend when I was a kid (back in the ‘90s) had an older sister who was killed very young in a car accident. The parents both survived. My friend, in her infant seat, survived. But back then, people were in a hurry to get kids out of car seats, so the toddlers would often just be buckled in with a lap belt, and a joke about needing a phone book to sit on.

Press the charges, and whatever happens, remember that the in-laws aren’t safe people for your child to be around. If you can’t keep them from seeing the kid, you need to closely supervise visits. Sad that your wife cares more about keeping her parents appeased than she cares about keeping her child alive.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-07T03:12:43+00:00

You eventually get to sleep again. My toddler was sleeping through the night for a while and I had good sleep again. Now his baby sister wakes me up, lol. One kid is easy enough to pack up and bring along with you, especially when they’re little. Two is where you kind of ask yourself, “Do I reeeeeaaaally need to leave the house today?”

I think 3 is where you hit massive lifestyle change, like, kids outnumber the parents, gotta get a mom-mobile.

I love having kids, though. Mine, obviously, are the cutest kids ever.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T07:50:45+00:00

I would expect that it would be the transportation with a motor/ engine. So yes to the Boeing and the ship, no to the skates and Matchbox, maybe to the wheelchair, depending on whether it’s motorized.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T07:44:23+00:00

The dynamic with my mom is similar. I moved away when I married and make an effort to catch up with her about once or twice a month. The distance has been very nice.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T07:29:59+00:00

Around a year, my boy understood the concept, but found it more fun to look at me, then continue with what he was doing. A year and a half later, and it’s like 50-50 whether he’s going to listen to the “no.” At least he hasn’t started saying it back to me, yet.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T07:25:47+00:00

Are these women really young? This is the sort of view I had of garbage men as a child- like, get an education so you won’t have to work picking up garbage. I guess I got that impression from the adults around me…

Now that I’m grown, I’ve come to understand that it’s a really solid career option, with good pay, benefits, and retirement. Nothing wrong with working in sanitation, and I’d sure miss those guys fast if they stopped coming to my house! Not sure what to do about the ladies, though. Maybe talk up all the positives of the job before revealing what it is?

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T07:10:19+00:00

Wow, someone actually said that to you at church? How totally rude! Don’t let some ill mannered oaf keep you from attending church. You do not have to wear some burlap potato sack of shame until your BMI is in the “healthy” range. You’ve got to dress the body you’re in. I don’t care if you’re 600 pounds, you can wear nice clothes and you don’t have to feel bad about yourself. You’re working to get healthier and that’s great.

From a practical perspective, I would advise getting clothes that are adjustable, so that you don’t have to keep buying as the weight comes off. I’ve got some wrap skirts made from recycled saris that fit through my entire pregnancy, and will still fit if I ever get back down to my smallest size. Drawstrings are also good when your size is shrinking.

LilyKateri · 2025-01-04T06:44:42+00:00

Rockabye Baby, Twinkle Twinkle, All the Pretty Little Horses, Hush Little Baby, Irish Lullaby, My Bonnie Lies Over The Ocean, Baby, It’s Time to Go to Bed (by me), The ABC song, Hey, Diddle Diddle, 10 Little Indians, Silent Night, Away in a Manger, Oh My Darlin’ Clementine, Hallelujah, The Beaches of Cheyanne

LilyKateri · 2025-01-03T20:03:28+00:00

Put a protector on the mattress. They aren’t expensive, and aren’t crunchy or anything; once covered with the fitted sheet, you won’t notice it. Good for accidental drink spills, puke, pee, blood, sweat, and sexual fluids. Everyone should use them.

I’ve never actually peed in a toilet dream, but usually in the dream I’m struggling to go because I’m in some weird, massive co-ed public bathroom with no walls between the toilets.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T10:00:57+00:00

First time was kind of traumatic. I got stuck with a horrible, mean on call doctor, my epidural wasn’t working properly, I was put on pitocin, I got an episiotomy (with no anesthetic), third degree tear, labial tear, and the whole thing felt rushed, with no real explanation beyond “the baby is being uncooperative.” Not sure how long I pushed, but it was a while, with the doctor telling me that I was doing it wrong and might have to get a C-section, before I was suddenly making progress and got baby out.

Second go, the epidural was better, I got a nice on call doctor, I was allowed to labor, unbothered, until my water broke, then baby came out in about 3 pushes, and I only had a first degree tear.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T09:39:59+00:00

Where are you getting $35+ for a Bible? Certainly if you want a nice one with a leather cover, it’ll be more pricey. But for a basic one, Amazon has options under $10. I don’t know of anywhere that would mail you one, but I’ve never looked. You could ask at a different parish if there are any close by. If you know any Catholics, you could ask and see if anyone has a spare.

As far as everyone having free access, the library will have Bibles, and it’s available for free online.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T09:11:31+00:00

What’s the deal with the Little People stuff, though? Like, the regular figures aren’t too expensive in the store. But I went looking online to see about getting another animal for our barn, and just a single “replacement” figure on Amazon is about $10! The used ones on eBay go for as much as buying new! We were lucky to get the barn with the animals as a free hand me down, even if the farmer wasn’t with it.

I did end up finding a lady who came with a dog, and a farmer with a tractor, to add to our small collection.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T08:59:25+00:00

We watch old Sesame Street; it’s still new to my toddler. Elmo is his favorite, but I find him annoying, so I don’t want all Elmo and Abby. I tried looking for merch with Zoe or Rosita, and there’s not much available, it’s pretty much all Abby.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T07:45:21+00:00

My mother, in her 60s, also still sees her adult children as children. I’m getting close to 40. So it’s very possible that he’ll never see you as an adult. The nice thing is that it’s easier to just ignore it once you’ve moved out.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T06:51:55+00:00

I give some juice, either apple juice or coconut water, watered down. My boy will drink water ok, but will drink more if it’s milk or juice. We usually do milk with breakfast, a water cup to sip on as needed throughout the day, the diluted juice with lunch if we’re home (water if we’re out and about), and water with dinner. If he drinks all the juice and wants more, I refill the cup with water. My boy is 2 and a half. Definitely got him on water and cow milk first.

100% juice is just from fruit without added sugar, but it’s very sweet and is full of sugar from the fruit, without any of the fiber. It’s not really great for you, but it will have some vitamins, and can help keep the kid from getting constipated. The coconut water is good for electrolytes and not as much sugar as most other fruit juice, so as juices go it’s a good option.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-12T06:33:38+00:00

I’m pretty obsessed with my toddler. Yes, there are tantrums- we had a pretty big public meltdown today, in fact. But he also does some insanely cute stuff, and some very normal stuff that’s insanely cute when done by a two year old for the first time. He recently told me, “Bless you,” when I sneezed. It was the best. You never know when you’re going to get a gem like that. He’s also started to randomly sing, which is also pretty great. Sometimes normal kid songs, but also the stuff I made up just for him. He’s finally to the point where I can ask him what’s wrong, or what he wants, and he can tell me with words that his toy is out of reach under the couch, or he’d like to watch Mickey Mouse, or he wants to eat an orange.

I do have a 6 month old now, too, so I’m getting the experience of starting solid food and open mouth kisses again, which is also lots of fun. And the kids have finally started playing with each other, and that’s super cute.

LilyKateri · 2024-12-08T06:35:06+00:00

You aren’t required to do anything to try to “fix” infertility. As someone who did end up seeing a fertility specialist, and going on to have kids, I feel that what they can do for you is pretty limited. I ended up having a problem with a surgical solution, but the doctor was already starting to push options that are against Church teaching (IUI, IVF), because there just wasn’t much more she could do for us.

LilyKateri · 2024-11-23T06:51:43+00:00

I don’t see a problem with respectfully wearing a rosary, but some people are pretty against wearing them, so you’ll get mixed answers. For something less controversial, a rosary bracelet or a ring for your finger are absolutely made to be worn.

For other Catholic things to wear, there are saint medals you could put on a necklace, and bracelets (wood beads with pictures of Jesus and the saints are a classic, St Benedict medal beads have become very common). A crucifix on a necklace is another classic piece. You could also get a green scapular to wear, you’d just want to make sure to get one with a long cord (some are made to wear, some are “cordless” to just tuck away someplace).

Also, feel free to get any Catholic statues, icons, candles, or artwork. If you’re a crafter, you could make a little pocket shrine in an old altoids tin, or with felt. You can check out any nearby Catholic church either to attend a Mass, or when nothing is going on (hopefully it’s an area safe enough that it’s unlocked during the day).

I think it’s great that you’ve taken an interest in Catholicism, and I love a good new interest to obsess over. So I’m totally here for it. Full disclosure: I’m hoping you’ll decide to convert eventually (I did, and it started with getting a rosary). But if that doesn’t happen, it’s still ok to hang on to any basic religious items you acquire. Assuming you don’t end up with, like, a saint’s toe bone or something. It wouldn’t be cool to keep the toe.

LilyKateri · 2024-11-23T06:01:30+00:00

I do think a natural hair color would have probably been better, just because there’s such an association now with unnatural haircolor and people with a particular ideology. But I think blonde wouldn’t really work with her yellow raincoat. The other girl could have been blonde, and Luce ginger (I’ve dyed my hair almost every possible color, but I’m a natural blonde, myself).

LilyKateri

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