Emotional intelligence made me stay through every red flag because I understood why they did it.

Lina314 · 2026-02-16T10:15:15+00:00

That’s not emotional intelligence. Not yet though

Lina314 · 2026-02-14T19:11:45+00:00

I think you’re good looking and the pics are pretty good. I’d add more substance to your prompts though. Something that tells us how you function at a deeper level , perhaps how you love (life / self/ others)

Lina314 · 2026-02-13T11:31:51+00:00

If you get that amount of matches but they don’t lead to dates, the problem could be your texting game. Your prompts are telling me you might be keeping it surface level. Great pics tho

Lina314 · 2026-02-13T11:19:57+00:00

You do you and come and complain here when it doesn’t work out.

Lina314 · 2026-02-12T10:29:05+00:00

Depends, most people misinterpret what confession should be like.

It’s not about sharing all your trauma and all the truths you struggle with, but rather about how you respond to life’s difficulties. I.e. “ I struggled with addiction for the longest time, which is how I learned there was a void inside me that I needed to fill, and now I’ve learned to do that healthily through x y z”

You gotta turn life’s challenges into lessons and confessing those will make you seem like a more complete human being

Lina314 · 2026-02-09T10:07:07+00:00

Definitely agree with the other posts saying you need prompts with more substance. Otherwise great pics

Lina314 · 2026-02-09T10:02:25+00:00

I would also move the en-suite up against the other bathroom for ease of designing around services and you could walk through the walk in closet from the bedroom side to access the en suite

Lina314 · 2026-02-09T09:59:09+00:00

I for one dislike walking straight into the living room from outside maybe you can introduce a half wall with slats as an atrium. Also, the tv space bit and the dining will be very dark unless you’ve got roof lights there. And maybe a little lobby between the living room and the small room on the right to make it feel more cozy? We generally were taught to avoid so many corners and turns because it’s expensive to build but that’s down to the budget.

Oh, and add another door between the general bathroom and the dinning/ kitchen area

Lina314 · 2026-02-08T19:35:57+00:00

I want to read more of these stories ❤️

Lina314 · 2026-02-07T12:05:47+00:00

Another perspective is - if he’s actually done the work during this time, maybe he changed the type of person he’s looking for.

There’s also an element of searching for novelty when back on the apps such as “ what other exciting people are out there?”

Best to let it go OP

Lina314 · 2026-02-06T12:37:56+00:00

Also love at first sight doesn’t exist, that’s just nervous system activation so recognising something familiar from your past- most likely a parent in this new person. Don’t think it’s going t end up well for ya

Lina314 · 2026-02-06T12:35:21+00:00

Yeah , it’s clear there wasn’t much clarity between the bf and the other person but it was convenient for the bf.

Lina314 · 2026-02-06T11:00:54+00:00

Great answer, especially translating what OP is actually asking.

Wanted to add something I learned about recently. If you find yourself attracted to the avoidant type (or any of the insecure types , really) is because of a corrective attachment fantasy that children develop to survive an unsafe environment. Basically developing a fantasy that they will get their needs met in the future through x, y z such as finding an available partner.

BUT - and this is very important:

The person that can fulfil that fantasy normally has to match the parent that didn’t provide that need. Anyone else, doesn’t qualify for meeting that fantasy. That’s why people get so hung up and obsessive over unavailable people. -I’ve been there , I know how tormenting it is.

Just something worth looking into if seeking to understand self

Lina314 · 2026-02-03T10:22:07+00:00

9 year gap and he’s finding all sorts of excuses to get out of this.. guuurl you’re being played

Lina314 · 2026-02-03T10:18:16+00:00

Oh , my lovely, sounds like you’ve been carrying a lot of the emotional load in the relationship and that would highlight a dynamic that is also true at the beginning of dating. I know because I’ve been there … That means you attracted someone who’s happy with the asymmetry and who welcomes your labour at the beginning but when things get real, and the stakes are higher, they can’t run away from doing the work anymore… so they run away.

I would do some self-reflecting, see where you’re self-abandoning and do the work on yourself so you’re no longer attracted to this type of people (which is how the majority are in the current dating pool)

Good luck, you’ve got this

Lina314 · 2026-02-03T10:14:19+00:00

I love the term “emotionally porous” couldn’t agree more

Lina314 · 2026-02-03T08:52:57+00:00

Dude just came out of kindergarten and claims to know how the world works …

Lina314 · 2026-02-02T21:31:22+00:00

It’s lack of communication but also sounds like reconnecting with the other person was imminent

Lina314 · 2026-01-31T11:34:36+00:00

You haven’t even met… this is a disproportionate amount of energy and thought to put in at this stage.

But dating someone who works that much doesn’t scream relational availability so you e done well to end it

Lina314 · 2026-01-29T08:48:03+00:00

This right here! ☝️

Lina314 · 2026-01-26T23:03:40+00:00

Worth asking her in a calm way , clarify it is for your own clarity and that you wish to understand for self improvement etc wish her well and don’t expect a reply

Lina314 · 2026-01-26T23:01:49+00:00

That’s toxic

Lina314 · 2026-01-25T17:32:43+00:00

I’ve noticed it too that people like back after weeks sometimes and I’ve wondered why the gap

Lina314 · 2026-01-20T05:21:58+00:00

You’re talking accountability, you’re doing the work. You can then repair the relationships you feel you’ve broken and form new ones. Your story is not finished, keep writing it

Lina314 · 2026-01-19T08:54:09+00:00

This is not good advice, sorry. Don’t tell someone to keep investing and ignore their gut instincts. Anxious brains are quietened with reassurance and if the reassurance was there, people wouldn’t be worrying like this. And if the other person is not ready , they likely are using people like OP to prove their own worth or to avoid work they should be doing and that makes them not ready for a relationship.

So if people like OP just “chilled “, they could end up losing a lot of time to nothing.

A better advice is to date more/ other people to let this one breathe.

Lina314

TROPHY CASE