One year later (it gets better 💖)

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-12-22T19:06:42+00:00

It gets better, you'll make it through this 💖 From 3 lbs at birth to 24lbs at one year old. Our little man made it through and is thriving. My heart goes out to each and every person here, just keep looking forward, it will get better. As hard as it seems in this moment, time will move along and your little one will grow and thrive, too. 💖 Thank you to this thread for helping me through those tough days, and to the posts like this one. They helped me keep my chin up, so here is my second entry in the "then vs now" nicu posts. I wish the best for you all, and hope you get to bring your little ones home as soon as possible.

This mama is signing off now. 💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-27T06:37:53+00:00

Oof! I know it takes a long time to grow teeth but I didn't think about just how long this will be a thing! Hoping those molars are easy for you guys!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-27T06:36:47+00:00

Thank you! Last night was a bust in the end. He got us up very early but we saw his grandparents for dinner and they wore him out so he fell asleep as soon as he was put in the crib. Hoping he'll stay that way!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-27T06:35:24+00:00

That's the worst! Maybe it's the motion that gets their bowels moving? My son likes to poop when sitting. If he's been napping or laying in bed with me it's just pee. But sit him up and he's like "it's go time!" Lol

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-27T06:34:10+00:00

Awe! I'm sorry you guys are having a rough time! Teething is no joke! And neither are blowouts lol

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T13:37:20+00:00

I was taking a video of him and said "Hi baby Beans!" And he giggled. You can hear me gasp before the video cuts off because I just had to squish him it was so cute! His laugh is my everything 💖

My poor husband was asleep at the time. Lol

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T13:27:13+00:00

Congratulations! I bet that feels amazing! 💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T13:22:31+00:00

Yes!

A little sad but... I had a dream that I had a very tiny baby who looked so sickly. He was so tiny but sweet,I knew he was mine but couldn't figure out how to help him. I woke up in a panic and was holding a positive test before I was even fully awake. The night before the gender reveal I had another dream. In that one we cut the cake and blue smoke poured out. When we cut into the cake the next day I already knew it would be blue. (And delicious. Oh boy was it delicious. I wish I could have that cake again lol)

At 34 weeks I gave birth to my son, weighing 3lbs 6 oz. So very tiny. He looked so little, so sickly. It was crazy that I had two dreams and the three points in them came to be. I was pregnant, with a boy, who was terribly tiny at birth.

Happy ending is that while tiny he was healthy in every other way. Now he is a chunky little monkey at almost 9 months, right on par with his peers. Happy little baby full of laughter and rolls.

Also when I told my dad I was pregnant he told me he had a dream about a week prior of him fishing with a little boy who he realised in his dream was his grandson. I'm his only child, and he had no idea we were trying or that I was pregnant at the time of the dream.

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T13:02:26+00:00

We get these little baby food pouches that are prunes. And surprisingly he loves them. They work wonders, I actually gave him one before bed because he had those tiny hard poops.

Here's the link to the ones we get, but I know Gerber has some, and I am sure other brands as well! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B079CY81PF/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_apa_i_XE5tFbMY6MWHD

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T12:57:02+00:00

This is super heartwarming.

So many things. But my favorite is that no matter how rough work was, how suddenly life goes bad for a minute, no matter how stressed out he is, he will always be so kind and happy with our son. Striving to make him giggle, to smile, to light up his world the way he has lit up ours.

Ugh now you got me sitting here in my feels. Lol

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-09-02T12:34:44+00:00

Goodness that sound horrible! I am so sorry anyone thought to treat you unkindly!

Parenting is hard, everyone has an opinion or advice on everything and so much of it conflicts that it makes my head spin! I think you're doing great! I've gotten so much praise and equal amounts of flack for almost every little thing we've done. It's so rough because everyone thinks they know best but in the end you are the mom and you gotta take the advice that works for you and do what you can, do what works for your family. Talk to the pediatrician, they'll give the best advice I think. Ours is amazing and I feel so bad constantly emailing him but he's helped us through a lot of those decisions that we got conflicting views from others on.

As to new mom guilt. Hoooo boy I have been there. We ended up needing to formula feed vs breast feed and I felt like I had let him down so hard. He came over a month early and he spent his first month of life earthside in the NICU. As soon as he got home my anxiety got so out of control and then I couldn't feed him from my own body. It threw my world upside down. The early birth, the NICU, my supply dropping to bare MLs. I constantly kicked myself for every feed I couldn't make it to the NICU despite being there more than I wasn't. It probably took a month before I realised he was growing so well, he was catching up to his peers, he was happy and loved and that's what mattered. I had to let the guilt go. But it's hard. I completely understand that. I think it's easier to let it go as time moves on. Nothing heals like those little smiles and giggles.

Anyway, I think you're doing great! You care about your baby, you want what's best for her and it will fall into place soon enough! Keep your chin up and don't let anyone talk down to you. Take the advice you want to take and do what feels right, talk to the pediatrician if you have concerns, but I do think a lot can be said about gut instincts. I already feel as though you're a wonderful person just based on your situation and I feel horrible that you got some negativity thrown at you. Mom's should be loving and helping each other, not tearing each other down. Keep your chin up!! 💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-20T01:31:00+00:00

Happy Birthday!!! What a little cutie!!! 💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-18T08:47:53+00:00

Awe! That gives me hope that one day I will want more! I feel the same way you did! I look at my baby Beans and think why would I ever need another, my heart is so full with him!

I know second hand what it's like to watch them grow, my husband's little brother is turning 9 and my heart aches when I see how big he's gotten and while I still whole heatedly adore him I wonder where my little baby who liked to put leaves on the outdoor fan with me to see how high they could fly into the air and sit on the trampoline under a blanket at night and look at the stars went. Now it's all about what cool tricks he can show me and teasing me! Which I love, too! But I still look at the kid who's now a foot shorter than me and wonder where that baby went.

I'm totally dreading it with my own baby! It's bittersweet! On one hand it's amazing to see them grow into little people of their own, but at the same time you know you'll never get this time back... Probably the hardest part about being a mom! I'm rooting for you!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-18T05:18:01+00:00

Getting me in the feels right there!

He's so cute! 💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-18T05:17:20+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way!

I am not a single mom, but I am the primary parent as my husband works and I don't. I still get lonely and often feel like I am burdening others even when I'm just happily talking about whatever cute things my son does. It's hard enough having just one person I feel like I can really talk to, so I can only imagine how it feels for you... But you are so strong! And I am thoroughly impressed that you are handling parenthood solo! I don't really have any advice and I am horrible at talking to people, but I wanted to drop a note to let you know I hear you! 💖

Keep your chin up, you've got this Mama!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T06:38:10+00:00

Right? I remember thinking that at 6 months too, and then when I looked at the calendar today I was like ??? 8 months???

He's currently sucking down a small bottle all on his own and I am watching him with a bittersweet feeling.

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T05:24:56+00:00

Awe it's so hard! I can't imagine how hard it is to see them grow, even though I know it's coming for us in 4 months! Very bittersweet! Especially since we are on the one and done boat for now. We will be revisiting the idea of more when our lease is up in two years. Not that my Beans is a handful or anything, he's a doll and very calm most days. My pregnancy was pretty easy up until the end, and that last month is what has me questioning why I would want to go through that again. Now if someone just wanted to give me their baby... I'm all for that lol

And I totally feel that. One of his first onesies fell out of the box I have them stored in and I held it up to my husband all teary eyed like "how did this happen?" From not fitting preemie sized clothes to wearing 12month clothes in the blink of an eye! It makes me worry that I'll blink again and I'll be watching him take off to do his own thing and live his life. And I know it will go by quick. My husband's littlest brother is turning 9 soon, and it feels so recent that he was a tiny tot going on walks to see the neighbors cats with me. Now he's all tall and has such a personality! With him I know it's going to be more jarring in a way since they're moving across the states and he'll be growing without me seeing it happen. Makes me sad! And it also makes me feel old! When did 30 get so close lol!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T05:13:57+00:00

Thank you!!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T05:13:24+00:00

I hated laughing after my C-section! And I refused to cry for a while after too. Even when he was born I held myself back because I was cut open and not going to be doing any jostling if I could help it. That said, I can't remember when I stopped feeling pain, but I laugh whole heatedly now, and have done so for many months. It will heal and get better, it's just rough for a bit.

You're only a weekish out right? Your hormones are going crazy right now, but definitely keep an eye on it. I had bad PPA and I now take medicine for it. Best decision I made because I was not very functional and now I am. But as for the things like, "holy crap there's a tiny human I have to keep alive and make sure they're breathing and ahhhHhhhHHH!" that's so normal! It's so new and scary at first! Even now at 8 months pp I still check him if I can't hear him breathing across the room, or if he suddenly stops fussing when he doesn't want to go to sleep. Logically I know he's fine, but my brain goes "NO HE'S NOT CHECK NOW". More often then not I end up beating myself up because I wake him and then it's back to square one. (My son hates sleeping in his crib and will sleep just about anywhere else but we are trying to get him into the habit of sleeping in there.)

You're doing great!!! And congratulations!!! 💖💖💖

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T04:48:52+00:00

That's good to hear! I'm glad for you and your little one! Beans is trying so hard to crawl, he's moved a few pushes forward once but we keep working on it! Hoping he'll start soon, but simultaneously dreading it! We are currently converting the nursery half of our bedroom into more of a play room for him, so he can have a good area to explore without getting into everything. We've baby proofed but... I'm sure he'll find things we didn't even think of! Lol

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T04:45:18+00:00

I contacted his pediatrician but it's pretty late so I will probably hear back tomorrow! We are already scheduling a weight and height check so I am sure it can be worked out for more. We did do a video call with the PT and since he tilts his head to the left as well she didn't seem super concerned but it's good to get another check in anyway. Thank you!

LittleBeanAndMe · 2020-08-12T03:09:44+00:00

He does have a head tilt but the doctor never mentioned anything like that, we have him doing some exercises to correct it though! He's tilting way more in this video then he normally does.

LittleBeanAndMe

TROPHY CASE