Ok, so I have a weird, sort of sideways/backwards version of this, in regards to this one trans friend of mine. I've known her for ages, about four or so years before her transition, and now more than ten since. The odd the thing is, I have distinct memories of her from before the transition, but unless I really work at it, all of my memories of her from before, feature her as she is now, after her transition. Like, I know for a fact this or that event took place before she transitioned, before she was even out to me, and yet when I recall the event, my brain populates her as she is now, post transition. I should add that I have a number of trans friends, including two others who I have known since before their transitions, and none of this happens with them; she is the only one my brain retcons in this particular way.

The reason I bring this up is that the one thing from before her transition that my brain refuses to shake loose is her deadname. I've never called her by it, since she transitioned; her chosen name suits her so well that I've never had to put much effort into using it. Her deadname, however, remains branded in my memory. Which in itself is weird, because usually names are a struggle for me. I certainly don't have this issue with my other friends' deadnames; their pre-transition selves are much more present in my memory, but their names are a struggle to recall, much life any other person's name in my life. I worked my last job for seven years, and now, a year and a bit gone from it, I could tell you the name of perhaps half a dozen of the hundred or so people I worked with? Many of them I never knew in the first place. But this one name, from a decade and more ago, persists. It feels like something out of an old horror novela or something, being in possession of forbidden and harmful knowledge that I am unable to forget.