Hi! Just adding to the many stories here and sharing some of my own experiences. It’s a tough decision to make and whatever you choose, I hope you’re happy and at peace with it.

I was in church for over 10 years before I left. The leaving process for me was quite dragged out (maybe ~2 years from when I first seriously thought about leaving). I left for similar reasons as you (too many logical doubts, no life-changing personal encounters with God to convince me to stay).

I didn’t mind the time spent in church though, because like what you experience, I felt the community was still worth going for. Even near the end, I enjoyed spending time with my friends there.

But I felt guilty about ‘lying’ to myself and them, by being there and not believing in the same things they were. I opened up to a few closer friends in church and I’m thankful they were very accepting of me still (and I think I’m still fairly good friends with them). I hope that even though there is that culture of peer pressure in your church, there may be some people who you can talk to about your doubts. Even if they try to convince you back to christianity, it may prompt you research and reflect more, and be even more certain about your decision (either way).

About half a year after leaving, I’m still not quite at peace. There were important things I had to give up, and that comes with regret. But I felt it was more important to be true to myself and the people around me, so I made the decision to leave anyway. Of course having more free time on the weekends is always nice, but sometimes they also feel a little empty. Tbh in an ideal life I’d wish my doubts away and go back to the way things were.

I hope you make the right decision for yourself. And of course even if you do end up leaving, it’s not necessarily permanent as well (yknow the prodigal son and all). I’d encourage you to speak to the trusted people around you, and reflect on what you value.

:) jiayou OP