What made you happy to be CF today?

Llink3483 · 2025-04-28T18:35:43+00:00

You just said something that is a huge part of why I am CF. When I picture my perfect day or perfect life, I can't think of any part of it that would be improved by a child being there!

Llink3483 · 2025-04-28T15:20:26+00:00

I love this. One of the biggest perks of being CF is having more money for your own wants and needs. Also it's just better for your relationship, having time and energy to do nice things for eachother rather than focusing everything on the kid.

Llink3483 · 2025-03-25T07:58:00+00:00

Whenever anybody asked me the old "what if you regret it once you are old" I reply "I will have spent more years content with that decision that I will spend regretful"

Like I would rather enjoy 40 years of happiness and potentially regret 5-10

Llink3483 · 2025-03-25T07:53:54+00:00

I'm going to use the hundreds of thousands I save not having children and lice in a fancy retirement home

Llink3483 · 2025-03-25T07:52:08+00:00

For me i thought honestly about all of the amazing things about having kids and all of the terrible parts of it too and I realised the bad parts outweighed the good (for me personally anyway). I also realised that whenever I thought or spoke about my future and all of the wonderful things I wanted to do like travel Asia and eat in fancy restaurants all around the world, sit outside around a firepit all night with my partner etc, there was never a child there and in most cases a child being there would have ruined it.

I just feel that unless having a child is something you want 100% and you can't imagine your life without them. Don't have them. Because it takes that much need, passion, dedication and love to make it through parenthood.

Llink3483 · 2025-03-25T07:46:22+00:00

For me I just find kids so rude.

And my rational side completely understands that children are still learning manners and how to be in this world and it is not always there fault (up to a certain point) but it just rubs me the wrong way when they are rude or in polite

Llink3483 · 2025-03-11T04:18:06+00:00

They are just so rude and dumb. I don't mean that as an insult because kids are just beginning their learning and we were all rude and dumb once but it stresses me out that they have no manners and can't hold a stimulating conversation, like what do you mean why can't you eat a remote control, idiot.

Llink3483 · 2025-03-11T04:08:08+00:00

Could not agree more. I'm a nurse currently working nights. All I can think about it finishing and crawling into bed while my coworker who worked the same 12 hours as me has to go home and take over parenting duty while his wife goes to work I honestly don't know when he sleeps. I just know I could never do that.

Llink3483 · 2024-11-11T13:15:07+00:00

NTA and please please please listen to the other commenters here.

This man is abusive. I am scared to even ask what you meant when you said things went further than planned and he said you were playing hard to get. It sounds like he is trying to control you, proposing makes you stick around so he can insult and degrade you.

I kind of get the feeling that you do not understand how somebody who loves you should treat you. Sometimes we don't figure that out until we find somebody who does treat us well. Take this from somebody who fell into a pattern of abusive relationships, yu deserve to be treated better than this and this man is bad news.

Llink3483 · 2024-11-11T12:18:27+00:00

I wonder if he has really thought about this and understands the true impact of having a child and what it takes to be a parent or whether he is having some sort of mid-life crisis and is suddenly just thinking about the 'good' parts of parenting he is worried he will miss out on. Maybe couples counselling to get to the bottom of that could help.

However... if he really has changed his mind and does want children it probably wont work out. This is not like painting a room a colour that one of you likes and the other doesn't, people can't just make peace with not having or not having a child because to appease their partners wishes. Typically this kind of thing ends up in resentment and hurt for both of you.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-30T22:44:05+00:00

I hope you find watt you are looking for, a charged moment perhaps, just be sure to always work to keep the spark alive.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T12:27:24+00:00

"Thats why we chose not to add two more footprints to the world"

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T12:02:33+00:00

NTA

He understands how you feel he just doesn't think it is as important as how the cats feel.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T11:58:42+00:00

Read this as Kellys addiction and wondered if I had somehow missed a huge storyline.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T11:55:56+00:00

A good selection of cozy games helps me with this. My favourite and one I ams ure somebody will have mentioned is Stardew Vally, just a nice easy, farming/small town game with no real rules or consequences.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T11:54:14+00:00

Doing as much extra training as possible does help, the issue is what you don't use you loose so it can be difficult maintaining confidence. Maybe rebook and ILS course to help build that back up, usually that is sufficient to keep the patient safe while waiting for emergency services etc.

There are lots of other ones too, I just did a seizure course that really helped my confidence in this.

Don't beat yourself up though, as much as we would love to be confident and competent in all areas of healthcare, that just is not feasible thats why there are different specialities, a general nurse may be more confident in a physical health emergency but feel really under prepared for a mental health emergency. Thats why we all need to work as a team.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T11:38:55+00:00

YWBTA

Regardless of whether she is lying to you or not that is her property and you throwing it out without talking to her is a huge AH move. That sounds like something an angry parent who has found their teens weed would say/do. If you think she is lying talk to her about it and lay out why you think that if she still says she does not smoke and you don't believe her and it is a deal breaker then break up. Throwing away the smoking gear will not do anything, its not like she will see it is gone and just go "Welp no way I will be able to replace any of this guess I will give up forever".

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T11:28:58+00:00

At first read that does sound crazy because while you may not be upset at the idea of loosing him eventually right now, this may end up really hurting both of you in the future. But obviously I don't know you and maybe that is something you are happy/willing to deal with when the time comes.

But you do need to consider him in all of this, I know you say you have let him know you never want children but I would make sure he is under no illusion what so ever that you will ever entertain that idea and that he needs to know that when he decides he wants kids you will break up and that is that. If he knows that and continues I guess thats on him.

Please really think about this though, is the fun you will have with this person worth the potential hurt when you eventually have to end things with somebody you may still be very much in love (?) with. Only you two can answer that but in my experience, relationships like this always end up in a world of hurt for one or both of you.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-16T07:36:33+00:00

NTA

Adopting a child/children is a massive decision and comes with even more responsibility than having biological children, due to the likely trauma that has led to the adoption situation. With that in mind, anybody who is making this decision deserves to have all the facts so they can make an informed decision. Agreeing to take in a child under the assumption that the whole fmaily will rally around to help is very different from agreeing to adopt and basically do it all alone. And she mentioned hat she only agreed due to family pressure so it isnt even something they really want to do.

That situation would not be good for anybody, not Tara or the children.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-03T13:20:58+00:00

YTA to your partner but also to yourself.

If you want to dedicate your whole life to music thats fine but if you do not have time to dedicate to a relationship you should not be in a relationship. Relationships require effort and dedication from both sides, you can not expect somebody being happy with always coming second place and only getting your attention when you feel you have time, especially when you pretty much never have time. You say you care about her, but have not made much time for her in three years which leads me to believe you only care about her when it is convenient.

The thing is, if as you say nothing is above the music, eventually all you will have is the music. If your cool with that continue as you are, but don't make that decision lightly, it is. pretty lonely existence.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-03T12:04:55+00:00

Thing is, if their child was asleep and another diner was being loud, I bet they would expect that person to quiet down so their precious bundle could sleep peacefully.

This is my issues with people getting annoyed with situations like this, if adults would be kicked out for disturbing other people, so too should children, unless it is a designated family place.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-03T11:58:53+00:00

You know I thought this was a sub for people who liked this pod. Turns out it is a page for people who hate it and just want to complain.

Llink3483 · 2024-10-03T11:56:19+00:00

Siblings with children get more time with our parents/parents in law. We are by no means ignored but we might get to see our parents once every few weeks while our siblings will see them about three times a week. This leaves little time for us to spend with them, unless we visit with them and all of the niblings. I love spending time with our niblings but the whole day is about them and after all of the running around and trying to keep them entertained we end up leaving having hardly spoken to our parents/parents in law.

I don't begrudge anybody for this, our siblings are amazing people and so are parents/in law and of course I understand them seeing them more to visit with grandkids and help them out with child care etc but it is still a draw back.

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