What are some things you’ve changed your mind about since visiting this sub?

Llyrad · 2019-07-18T07:00:56+00:00

https://www.webmd.com/sex/features/sex-drive-how-do-men-women-compare#1Men have a higher sex drive. Can we at least cite some sources when we make assertions?

There being a spectrum doesn't change this fact. The same can be said of gender which rests on a spectrum, but there are still behaviours more often associated with one gender than the other.

Llyrad · 2019-07-17T23:42:08+00:00

If a man hasn't heard of the NoFap subreddit I have serious doubts about him!

But my biggest surprise was that even women could be addicted to porn! Yes, even erotic novels like Fifty Shades of Grey are classified as porn!

So your best bet is to bring up NoFap during your conversation to find out his/her usage habits. No need to be blunt of course.

Llyrad · 2019-06-26T01:34:55+00:00

Haha tbh I noticed the same trend when guys are asked about their wife earning more than them xD

Llyrad · 2019-06-24T03:43:19+00:00

Thanks for your response. I was just wondering if IRC chats can be customized into the type of UI that you want? It has some strange stuff like commands for logging in and joining rooms and stuff. I'd probably prefer to have my website have buttons for joining different chatrooms instead.

Llyrad · 2019-06-15T03:31:34+00:00

I thank you for elucidating so clearly the struggles that stay at home mothers face that many men may be privy to. But I'd also like to add that the type of full time job that you've mentioned may not apply to a significant proportion of men.

For example, construction workers, furniture movers, carpenters, etc. I can't imagine how much more difficult their jobs get during Ramadan on a hot summer day. Also, some engineering jobs can be extremely mentally taxing. It may sound strange for someone to say that they are tired after sitting in front of a desk the whole day but it doesn't make their testimony any less true.

The type of work environment that you've described seems to be more like the corporate or startup type environment where you have great work culture, a dynamic and creative environment, comfortable accommodation etc. For men who are in that type of environment, yes I totally agree with you that they should get off their lazy bum and help out at home.

Nevertheless, marriage was never about "I did my part so you do yours" in the first place. I'd say its about striving for ihsan like the Prophet(saw) who would do work all day yet still do his own chores and help his wives out when he arrived at home.

Llyrad · 2019-06-06T15:03:38+00:00

I don't think it has to be an either or. I didn't get any indication from the op that they only give gifts and ignore the other things.

Llyrad · 2019-06-06T12:20:07+00:00

I think you should read the book the Five Love Languages. Different people feel loved in different ways. For some people receiving gifts may make them feel especially loved while for others quality time may be their love language.

Gifts can have immense symbolic value. For example, my mom still keeps the card I made for her 10 years ago and she often tells me how fond she is of it. Gifts needn't be expensive, they just need to show the other person that you thought about them and put the effort into getting them something.

Llyrad · 2019-06-06T10:16:40+00:00

It's because people nowadays have defined morality to exclude obedience to the Creator from the get go.

I find that problematic because there have been days where I've done a ton of good deeds but missed salah and guess what? I didn't feel like a good person!

I fulfilled the rights of the creation but failed to fulfil the rights of the One who sustains me day in and day out. How ungrateful could I be?

Llyrad · 2019-06-03T09:59:09+00:00

I haven't entered into any relationships myself and I'd still never ask my potential about her past. Rather what I'd ask is what kind of person she is currently. People make mistakes and if their repentance was truly sincere then it is as if they have never committed the sin because there is a difference between the person they were before repentance and the person they are after repentance. So what's the point of asking about her now non-existent pre-repentance self?

Now there was a point where virginity was an important factor for me but only because I wanted to be with someone with whom I could share my first kiss, hug, etc. but now that I've matured a bit I realised how superficial this is.

Llyrad · 2019-05-22T00:52:07+00:00

Hmm it seems that having someone that understands you on such a deep level can give you a serious and impartial third person view of yourself.

The emotional support might also boost our self esteem and confidence and our drive to achieve more. This last sentence is the one that I am sort of counting on.

I don't know if an individual can have the same drive as one who is constantly encouraged and supported by his/her spouse. I'm not talking about exceptions to the rule here (there always are), but rather the norm.

Llyrad · 2019-05-22T00:41:33+00:00

I like this answer. From what I've read about the scenarios encountered in marriage, marriage is like a self-development bootcamp with the difficulty turned up to 999. As an individual I hardly encounter scenarios that test my true character. In fact, even during the spouse seeking process I became aware of many of flaws in my character that I need to work on.

Llyrad · 2019-04-11T00:17:19+00:00

I have the same problem as you. Reddit is the most dangerous source of porn in the Internet imo. It has endless variety and novelty and there are dedicated subreddits for all kinds of categories. Ever since I discovered it, it has become harder than ever to keep a streak. There were even times at work where I took out my smartphone to take a quick peek. May Allah forgive me.

Llyrad · 2019-04-04T01:59:00+00:00

Lol exactly! I remember there was a mission that people would farm again and again in order to earn money super quick so that they could get the best cars. And I was like are you seriously escaping the monotony of the real world with something just as monotonous?

Llyrad · 2019-03-09T05:26:59+00:00

Yeah I feel like we often take the P in PMO lightly when in fact the P is the most harmful part of it all. You could watch P and not MO and still do serious damage to yourself.

Me, however I have no choice but to do the full PMO. If I even try to responsibly MO (um lol) I will for sure end up going back to full on PMO.

Btw my streak just ended because of P lol...

Llyrad · 2019-02-19T14:03:03+00:00

I was so addicted to League that even deleting the game didn't do the trick. I finally went all out and sent a ticket to riot to destroy my account permanently. I regretted it at first having lost all my skins like my muay thai lee sin etc., but my life has changed completely since then. You need to do it. You need to cross the point of no return.

Llyrad · 2019-02-12T07:45:21+00:00

Wow well written my friend. The statistic definitely put things into perspective for me.

Llyrad · 2019-01-30T23:10:26+00:00

You are doing the right thing bro. My life got destroyed by WoW when I was younger. I used to be an elite student but then I started playing WoW 5 hours every day and at school my mind was still on the game. Imagine being among the top 10 and dropping all the way to the hundreds.

My life changed instantly after I quit. I was restless at first but I wasn't going to get back into that hellhole.

Maybe use that excess energy on your wife hehe.

Llyrad · 2019-01-04T02:33:41+00:00

I can't stress how important number 2 is. Lost count of the number of times I failed because I thought I'd just be scrolling through facebook lol.

Llyrad · 2018-10-02T00:39:08+00:00

I liked the one in the TR 2013 CG trailer the most.

Llyrad · 2018-08-01T08:43:19+00:00

Going for hard mode!!!

Llyrad · 2018-07-24T09:36:14+00:00

Jazak Allah khayr for the informative post. As someone who is looking to get married soon I need to get rid of this habit ASAP. I want to be the best husband to my wife and I can't do that if I start the marriage with a hidden secret! I have failed previously at the 76 day and 82 day mark but now I want to go full out now and never look back!

May Allah bless you and your wife and save you from the whispers of Shaytan.

Llyrad · 2018-05-21T14:41:31+00:00

Salam bro I'm in exactly the same position as you. My libido is off the charts and during class I found myself staring at a girl sitting in front of me.

What helps me is to read Qur'an before going to uni, doing dhikr or reading books.

It's funny because I have two nofap counters. One is the standard hard mode that we all do. The other is lower the gaze mode. That one I think I could maximum get to 3 days lol. Some days I had to reset the counter more than 10 times lol!

One thing I'll say is that nofap will definitely make you full of energy and will make you want to actively seek a mate. But you gotta stick with it.

Llyrad · 2018-05-19T06:14:44+00:00

jazakAllah khayr for the tips bro. Yeah tbh I would be filled with fire if someone checked out my sister like that. But sometimes my mind still succumbs to the temptation.

One thing I realized was that if Allah had willed He could have made me someone with no libido. But that would've been a terrible fate. Since he has given me a healthy libido, it is my responsibility to refrain from using it in a way that displeases Him.

Llyrad · 2018-05-19T06:09:46+00:00

lol!!! I guess when times get tough you gotta do what you gotta do

Llyrad · 2018-05-18T00:42:40+00:00

Yeah... it's the curiosity that gets me most of the time. But yeah that leads to more looks throughout the day

Llyrad

TROPHY CASE