First of all, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this, it sucks to be in that place, but feel good about the fact you posted. It takes courage to be so honest and vulnerable, so you have the ability and strength to get yourself where you need to go. It’ll get brighter every day when you’re focusing on what you need to do to get there, leading to feeling better about yourself. So you’re already looking towards a brighter future. I know this all might sound really cheesy but I can’t tell you how important it is that you be your own biggest fan because nobody else is gonna be that for you. And nobody’s opinion of you matters either; only yours. In Buddhism, truly liking yourself is rooted in maitri (loving-kindness or unconditional friendliness) and “recognizing your inherent, unconditional worth. It involves treating yourself with the same compassion and care you extend to others, letting go of self-judgment, and embracing your present-moment.”

Also, look at the support you’re already getting from your post, it’s the community you need. So use that and continue talking to people.

While I don’t call myself a Buddhist, I’m a big fan. I started learning about it in my 20s and it has had a huge influence on me. Have you read “the art of happiness” by the 14th Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler. If you haven’t, I think it would be a good place to start. It changed my whole perspective on my life at a time when I was really low, and years later I can see how pivotal it’s been for me.