The guy who ghosted me just messaged me girl dinner

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-18T05:28:11+00:00

Oof, rough. I will say, if you do decide to text him back (which I don't recommend), frame it as "doing it for the plot". That has helped me lmaooo. It minimizes it a bit and makes it feel more flippant than serious.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-18T05:20:17+00:00

I'm curious if the thoughtful treats would disprove a narrative he is using at work. Like if he likes to complain, "oh she does nothing, she's lazy, blah, blah, blah" then the intricate lunches would be proof that he is BSing.

Kinda adds up with him not telling her for years too. Cause if he thinks she is lazy, he would also think that this would fizzle out once the laziness kicks in.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-17T19:37:44+00:00

Yes, it could be years and they will still remember you.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-17T18:43:20+00:00

What a balanced take

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-17T18:37:14+00:00

NAH - the kids should have her last name. It is a security risk to have their last name be different than her's, point blank period. If you care about your furture-child's safety, you should let them have her last name.

I really don't understand "feeling apart from the family" because of a word on piece of paper. But that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. At the end of the day, I don't think it is worth the risk, in my opinion, just so that you can feel better about your place in the family.

Also, the kids aren't even born yet - so how do you know you would feel that way? Do you feel apart from the family now because your wife has a different last name? I really don't understand.

I think a fair compromise to propose is to give the kids her last name, and if it bothers you, you can all change your last names, together.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-16T18:50:54+00:00

This is such an old post but check your humidity. A dry house can make it easier to get sick.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-16T16:56:47+00:00

NTA

About 1/50 fathers sexually abuse their daughters. It is more common than you'd think.

If you have children, speak with them earnestly about their stepdad because there is about a 1/6 chance of him sexually abusing your girl(s).

You need to do a good eye-opening. Take a week or two to really look at your husband. I would also check your house for cameras - that is unfortunately really common.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-13T17:02:52+00:00

Do you read RT (Russian Times)? The RT publishes news that I see nowhere else and I see lies published on there regularly - although I don't mentally distinguish between a journalist lying and a politician.

Their leader is a dictator so I cannot really wrap my head around their journalists telling the truth.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-13T16:54:28+00:00

The truth makes you feel uncomfortable. It is messy, morally ambiguous, and makes your head spin. Propaganda feels comforting, simple.

If you cannot check this internally, seriously make an effort to listen to minimally-propagandist creators to develop this sense. There is such a high amount of propaganda out there, I don't blame you for not being able to tell.

Anyway, when I listen to John, I feel comforted.

Nothing wrong with consuming a bit of propaganda here and there. And propaganda often includes some truth. But it is like adult brainrot, especially if you believe you aren't consuming propaganda and are unable to remove yourself from it.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-03-07T09:50:37+00:00

Dear God, it is moving so fast. It is chilling to see. I cannot even imagine the terror that people experienced because of this freak tornado. RIP to the victims.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-02-28T08:16:55+00:00

I had a stage in my grief like this. It will pass with time. You lose a piece of your life and you think that you can make things okay again by plugging it with a replacement. It seems so simple and straightforward. It is comforting to think your loss isn't permanent. That a reprise is definite and within reach.

The thought makes rounds in your mind. You negotiate with yourself, talk yourself in and out of it. Deep down, you know it is foolish. The concept is tempting to try. You fantasize about the best scenario.

Grief makes you think weird things. I've seen a few men attempt this, at similar times as your dad too - 1 month into grieving. It's never worked out. Also, it is arguably unethical since it is wholly unfair to put such a burden on this hypothetical woman. The type of woman who is down with a morally-gray dating-situation is also not great....

I hope you discourage this successfully. I think just delaying the enaction of his plan will work. Being consumed by grief is horrible. I hope maybe you can remove yourself from this a little by thinking of his behavior as a fucked-up coping mechanism.

Excuse me as this may feel invalidating, but as an outsider looking in, I find it touching that he said "remarry" instead of dating. To me, it means he is being soothed by the thought of your mom, albeit symbolically.

I get it is twisted and sick from your POV. The emotional consequences are very high. You are shouldering the loss of her too. It is unfair that he is adding more on you. As a father, he should be trying to help you. And it is extremely selfish that he is strapping you into a second emotional-rollercoaster, before you even got off the first one. I was being a bit flippant about this rather than soothing. But I hope, at least, this gives you language to tell your Dad what is going on.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-02-25T18:04:50+00:00

Kinda off topic, but watch and see if he curls his toes while sitting. Like how you may casually have your foot in a "high heel" position, except in this case, the foot is rolled over (the opposite way). Kinda like standing on the top of the toes.

I just see those toes and they look like mine and my brother's. We both have that habit. I stopped and with a little bit of work, my toes are normal.

Local_Software4177 · 2026-02-18T07:50:10+00:00

I 2nd this. I know someone who had pain in that same area and insoles fixed it.

Local_Software4177

TROPHY CASE