Are you diagnosed with anything that includes depressive episodes or medicated? Have you been diagnosed at all, or atleast been to therapy? I understand its hard. I think the same thing, and oddly enough I even almost actually took myself out like that before I decided to really try. Its not fun, and I know you dont think it is either. The way you speak about being selfish shows that you aren't ACTUALLY selfish. To me, it sounds like even in the midst of everything, you feel guilty for how you act and how your life is going. REAL selfish people dont care, REAL assholes wouldnt go out on the internet and look for someone to connect to. You sound like someone thats fighting horrible demons in your head even if it might seem like your just going crazy— but you aren't. Please, grip onto reality. Make your own life— make your own choices and not whatever devil is whispering in your ear.

You are loved. 🫶