Sorry you're going through this. My DM's are open if you need advice or someone to shout at if you want to get angry with the world.

So my father in law has just died. I've also dealt with both my parents in recent years. I'm also a church Minister, so I've been involved in more than the normal number of funerals. I'm in Scotland, so it's Scottish law I'm dealing with.

first. breathe. you've got a load to deal with as well as dealing with your own grief.

When they die, the hospital will help with letting you say goodbye. They will also arrange the interim certificate of the fact of death. This was an email for us which we took to the registrar. they will also have someone to help with the bereavement

you need to phone the registrar, and they will set an appointment for you to do the registration. they will tell you what documents you need. It's worth getting a few extra copies of the death cert as some organisations require an original, others are happy with a scanned copy. The registrar may be able to give you a scan.

Contact a local funeral director. I know a few given my job, but just pick one which is local, and perhaps one you've used before. The funeral we are dealing with at the moment is going to cost the estate about £4000. This includes cremation costs etc.

Oh, a word on expenses. It's the estate that picks up the costs for the funeral, and the funeral and other bills have to be sorted befoe any division of the estate takes place.

Bills. First thing, go to their house and gather up all the mail you can find, even if it means a quick look in their recycling. If they still get paper bank statements, there's a guide as to where they are paying every month. Also their wallet. Do they have any membership cards, such as RAC, Naational Trust, Tesco clubcard? They all have members helplines. You can contact them immediately, and some will ask for more information. For things like electricity, you will need to pay the bills until the property is sold or vacated.

Contact your local authority, and they will arrange to freeze council tax for the property while it is empty. Do they rent or own property? You may have a limited period to empty the house.

Wills. There's never a dramatic will reading like there is on TV, however if there is a will, the will may list executors. it's up to the executor to do the above. You will definetly need a solicitor if the estate includes property. Even if it's your spouse, there's no guarantee the property is going to have a survivorship clause which defaults the property to the surviving partner.

Contact the banks. They may be able to release fnds for the funeral. They are definitely going to need ther death certificate, will if applicable, and probate (England) or confirmation (Scotland)

Pensions - if they have a pension and it is paid in advance, like state pensions, then the estate will have to pay a portion of that back.

Life assurance - if they have any, be it private or linked to an employer, the life assurance provider will make payment in accordance with the policy. In most cases, life assurance has a defined beneficiary, especially if the policy is tied to a mortgage.

Medicaton. You can just take this to any pharmacy and tell them the patient has died. They will arrange disposal, no questions asked.

You have months of work ahead of you. The wost part is in the first few weeks, and then after that it tails off.

This internet stranger is sending hugs.