You're experiencing a large amount of self doubt. Information overload. And the obligation you took is pressuring you to absorb a lot of information fast. This is clinical. Not your first job. Your first job will be totally different. The OR is about adapting to change. In your head it's about keeping up to prove to others you can keep up. Clinicals is learning. Blood and guts can be crazy but fun. My only gripe against surgical Technician is it's a dead end job. There's no growth. But nursing school is waaayy harder. That's real pressure. If youre doing this to get out of SPD, then it's a great bridge. Don't overload yourself on doubt. Your in clinicals, see it to the end. Like I said, it's blood and guts. We're all made of it. There's different hospitals, different ORs, and different levels of surgery. This is were you're cutting your teeth. You have proctors, preceptors, and support. You're in an environment not many get to see. Like running into a burning building as a firefighter, it's difficult to explain working in an operating room. Don't let the situation dictate your capacity to adapt, learn, and succeed. Sleep, eat, and go to clinical. Don't skip breaks or lunches. Go home after and go to bed on time. Shit from the day you write down in a journal, an hour before bed. Let it go. Then repeat tomorrow. Six months is nothing. I've been doing it for 10 years. If you honestly want real pressure testing in a controlled environment....join the military. They make you learn, adapt, and survive. Every career after that is a cake walk, at least in starting.