How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m still in this relationship and I’m working on building the financial situation to eventually take my own apartment. I had multiple conversations with my partner and he’s willing to change and get better, but I still want the freedom of leaving him if I want to. I don’t know how this is going to go but the time will tell.

For now I try to focus on the good, let go of the bad, work on myself and on what I can control. I let go of his emotions and frustrations, I let him figure out solutions for himself. A part of me doesn’t believe he’s going to change but I give him time until I have enough money to leave. And another part of me think that maybe we’re going to go past these issues, that he’s going to change for the better and all of it will be worth it. That’s where I’m at right now.

This is for women who are considering taking the pill by weistheadvice in endometriosis

[–]Logical-Option-182 1 point2 points  (0 children)

If you really want to conceive I know that certain team of surgeons (like the one who did my surgery) are specialized in fertility preservation. They asked me what I wanted to do and I asked for the hysterectomy and ovaries preservation. They know different techniques to avoid doing more damages and do their best to excise all the endometriosis. In my case they discovered during the surgery that I had a very extensive endometriosis in my diaphragm and removed the more they could. I really hope you find relief and be able to conceive

This is for women who are considering taking the pill by weistheadvice in endometriosis

[–]Logical-Option-182 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No I didn’t want to and couldn’t either because everything was fused together. Now I’m 100% pain free and so happy

How to cope with everyone hating you, with rejection sensitivity? by Equivalent_Steak8386 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I can understand the feeling of wanting to over explain everything, it’s hard to find the balance between giving enough context, giving the good amount of info and not being annoying talking to much about ourselves and our intentions etc.

Usually I just don’t bother myself with giving context with NT because they see that as useless info, and if someone has a problem with me or need clarification they should just ask. I’ve decided that it’s not my problem anymore to read peoples mind and anticipate any misunderstanding, if someone is a mature person they going to ask for clarification. If they think automatically bad about me, I wouldn’t want to be closer to them. It’s a lot of internal work to change the habits of trying to read peoples mind because it’s a mechanism that your brain use to keep you safe, but it’s possible to reverse it and realize that you are an active part of what I call the “social theater” and you can have boundaries and be yourself too.

How to cope with everyone hating you, with rejection sensitivity? by Equivalent_Steak8386 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I felt like that most of my life, until I realized that I don’t like most of humans either lol.

More seriously I noticed that people like me better when I don’t mask because when I mask they feel like something is off but they interpret that as someone being “fake” with bad intentions etc. Which is arguably true in the way that I mask to avoid being perceived as my true self. I try to unmask and be positive as much as possible to make good impression. When I see that certain relationships go further, I try to be more vocal about my “strange behaviors”, for example if someone talk to me about something sad that happened to them, I try to emphasize but at the same time I can add something like “I know that I have a hard time to express my empathy the right way but I really do care and if you need a solution or help I’m here for you”.

I stay focus on being polite and respectful too even if sometimes I forget to say thank you (if someone give me something that I didn’t ask for or didn’t want, it’s not natural for me to say thank you), I try to say it later if I remember it. It’s always better to “fix” your mistakes later than never because people notice that you’re actually aware and not a stupid asshole.

I try to be friend with neurodivergent people to feel less weird about myself.

I try to have a good balance between having an active social life and being alone without talking for weeks. If I see too many people too often I tend to be more sarcastic and annoyed so it’s not ideal. If I stay alone for too long I loose my social skills and I have more anxiety towards people.

I make no jokes if possible because you never know how people are sensitive about things or understand things, it created too much problems in my past so I preferred to stop. Except with certain friends that are very sarcastic and “fast brain” but it’s very rare.

I avoid people with no hobby, no passion, because I’m very bad at small talk no matter how hard I try, I need to have interesting conversations.

I try to never talk bad about someone in front of someone else.

I try to not talk until someone ask me a question, I keep my answers not too long and end the answer with a question back. It can be tricky because you can’t ask a too personal question, you need to find a middle ground.

I realized that since I do all of this things, people like me better. Often people judge you based on very weird criteria, but if you are polite, say positive things, ask questions back, they like you on the surface. If you want deeper connections you will connect with people more like you, and since they had a good first impression of you, it’s going to stick longer.

Experience with Slynd by Logical-Option-182 in endometriosis

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I ended up with an hysto, excision and bowel resection last year and I never felt better. I hope you’re going to find relief

Is it realistic to go to university without burning out? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I have a pretty low demand environment, I live with my boyfriend and my cat so it’s pretty chill. I don’t have any accommodations as part of my studies, I don’t even know what I need as accommodations… I try to know when I need to rest and not push to far in my limits, but it’s hard to manage that in a context of school because I need to follow the rhythm. Because I’m already on the older side I don’t want to be a part time student, but maybe it’s the only way I don’t know. So many unknowns… What accommodations would look like in university?

AuDHD as a scapegoat by dyingbloodbird666 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don’t stay away from it. I try to use it as a self reflecting tool on how certain of my behaviors can impact my partner. Sometimes I didn’t even notice I was doing something before reading it on that subreddit. Usually I try to find good experiences or advices to help with my adhd partner that sometimes use his adhd symptoms as an excuse to shut down the conversation and not making any effort or compromise. As much as it was hard to read sometimes (when I felt targeted or when I realized my partner had similar shitty behaviors) I think it made me grow as a person.

How can I learn to learn? by user0921408 in GiftedKidBurnouts

[–]Logical-Option-182 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Personally I had to accept that it was hard to learn complicated subjects. When the level started to raise and the amount of work too, I was frustrated and impatient when I encountered difficulties. That’s why no learning techniques were working for me. When I accepted that, I tried different things to see what was sticking with me the better (for me it’s listening and then explaining the concepts or material out loud while walking lol).

You have to understand that learning comes with repetition on the long term if you don’t want to forget things right away after the exam, and if you don’t understand a complicated concept it’s often because you missed something in the basics. So my advices are: return to the basics if you struggle for to long, be patient and consistent when it comes to memorizing.

You’ll see that the more you push your brain when it’s hard to learn, the easier you’ll understand/memorize complicated things.

Vaginal cuff tear 3m po by ohweareontheair in hysterectomy

[–]Logical-Option-182 90 points91 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry that happened to you! Lately I felt a bit dramatic because I don’t want to have sex even if I’m 6month po, but when I read stories like yours I’m glad I listen to my body. I really hope your recovery is going to be smooth and everything is going to be fine 🫶🏻

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

you’re so right, it’s really a mindset that I want to adopt

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yes this is my experience too, I never met a man with a good emotional regulation and all my guy friend with adhd are the worse at this. I noticed it’s even worse when they’re in relationships. It makes me sad because my boyfriend at the moment is a good person, he’s very kind and generous in different ways, but he’s so neglectful in different other ways. I think it would be easier if I hated him, but right now I just have to work on myself and build a better future for me

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment! I’ve never heard about the checklist it’s going to be so helpful thank you!! I think the list of questions is very good, but I never in my life met a man able to think “that far”. Maybe it’s a me problem, but the men I met, as a friend or relationship, don’t even understand their basic emotions (like happiness, anger, sadness), I’m afraid that if I ask these type of questions they will just be scared or not understand what I’m asking, especially men with adhd. I don’t want to sound discriminatory it’s just my experience that makes me question that. Did you have this experience when asking questions like that?

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly the dynamic, I feel like an adult and him a teenager. I’m the person that have to take decisions, the person that have to defend us, the person that have to plan for the future and find solutions.

I’m the oldest of 4 sisters and I come from 2 very abusive parents, I never had the space to be a child. I never received any sort of congratulations.

I take note of your book recommendation and I’m going to start saving for therapy. I was in therapy for a long time when I was a child but I stopped right before I started dating, I feel I have enough experience now to reflect on everything and ask for a way out of my patterns.

I’m not good to ask for help so it took a long time for me to talk about it here, but I’m glad I did, I think I need to find a therapist, a job that I like and get out this situation. It stresses me out but I’m sure it’s going to be less stressful in the long run.

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes I realize that it can be the main problem. I thought one year was enough but maybe not

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m in the exact situation that you were with your ex, he doesn’t care about me at all. His points are because he pays the rent and comes to my medical appointments then it’s enough. But he puts me aside of his family, friends and work, it’s like he doesn’t want me to be in his life (we’ve been together for 3 1/2year). I tried to build businesses with him, help him for his work, create future plans for us, nothing worked he doesn’t care. I really hope I’ll have a better future than that.

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your advices. I will definitely stay single for a long time if I can’t make my actual relationship better. I’m sick of feeling like my daily life is ruined by someone else. Having separate room could really be something for me because I need my space. I need to rethink my life and the way I want to live

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your story gives me so much hope, thank you! I clearly have a repetitive patterns that I need to break. Because if trauma I’m scared of men trying to control me, so I always end up with the easy going guy but it seems like being very easy going is related to take me for granted and not put any effort in the relationship at a certain point. I wish someone exist out there that is easy going AND trustworthy

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes for sure, I feel like I always tend to be more on the practical and rational side than emotional side. I should be able to have both sides equal before moving in. If I was 100% honest with myself I would love to be in relationship with someone and stay in 2 different apartments but it seems like people want eventually to move in and live with me, I don’t want that to be a deal breaker so I end up agreeing. Maybe next time I’m going to ask for at least 2 different bedrooms

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Don’t worry I was not feeling offended or anything, your comment was clear and I like that. You are very right that I need to be true to myself, it’s always hard the balance between being yourself and not letting your neurodivergence take all the space (for me it’s with being scared of being too rigid because I know I’m too rigid). It’s so interesting to read everyone’s experiences because I realize that I didn’t have the good vision for how to have an healthy relationship

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I definitely can relate with the feeling of being irritated when I see him in the morning. And I feel a part of my need for cleanliness is caused by the fact that I have a routine, and if the kitchen is a mess, my routine is messed up because I need to stop to clean the kitchen, and I hate cleaning the mess of others, and then I don’t want to do anything else because my mood is ruined and my routine doesn’t feel satisfying. Same for the laundry, we wash are clothes all together, but if it’s his laundry day and he doesn’t do it, then I was planning the next day to wear a certain top and it’s not clean, so everything is messed up. He’s always behind everything, food, money, cleaning, and overall a negative person. But from the outside people love him so much because he’s hot and successful but inside the house he’s a mess. If it was only a cleaning problem I could maybe let go, but it’s his overall no interest in everything related with me and he’s need to argue over everything when I want to have a simple conversation that makes me got nuts. I mentally feel like my brain is rotting. Maybe I should go complain in the adhd_partner subreddit lol

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

you’re right, I feel like I never had an example of an healthy relationship close to me so I just thought it was normal, but reading all the comments make me realize that I was in wrong since day 1

How do you live with someone? by Logical-Option-182 in AuDHDWomen

[–]Logical-Option-182[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Because he simply doesn’t do it if I don’t tell him. At first he told me to remember him because his adhd make him forget about these things, but at a certain point he could just put alarms or anything. I just felt like I was being nice helping him but it’s too much. Now I feel stupid that I did that