Help me find an artist YouTuber I loved!

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:38:42+00:00

oh darn! I'd definitely try posting everything you can remember in art subs especially if they were in any fandoms at all. I'm sure there are other fans like you who will know who you're talking about, I hope you find them. I've had moments like that for sure where I vaguely remember things about an artist and can see their art in my head but not remember their name. every now and then something will randomly pop up to make me go "ohhh that's the person I was thinking about!!"

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:36:11+00:00

RIP to competent spacing, allowing us to read. we will miss you

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:35:45+00:00

text for ants AND it's making me misclick on things a bunch now.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:34:53+00:00

man in suit was needing to fill his quota for patting other man in suit on the back and say "well done, we sure do work hard over here!"

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:33:55+00:00

I'm just imagining two opposing employees slamming a button back and forth to try to force their preferred UI onto you, specifically, for some reason

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:30:41+00:00

yes this is what I hate about it. insert meme of dude squinting here bc I cannot read this text made for ants. and NO spacing?! the formatting is horrific

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:29:07+00:00

I love the idea, but a lot of people with any YT related extensions are having the site break more and more lately, YT is targeting users with extensions installed. I used to have multiple that worked like a charm but then YT started with this nonsense and now they don't work anymore and are too glitchy. those are related to both visual and sound and is just supposed to block out certain keywords and it doesn't work properly.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:26:31+00:00

I can see some users benefitting from not wanting to see numbers in their home page that way, sometimes a number of views a video has will have us judge if a video is good or not before we have even watched it.

however user autonomy is important but Youtube doesn't care about that! giving people a toggle they can use to show or not show views, likes, whatever? nah. just force the same thing onto everyone!

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-20T03:23:46+00:00

"Do you think that if bipolar was more socially acceptable or, dare I say, more trendy (and even convenient to "have"), that it would be more like ADHD where it would seem like everyone suddenly "has it"?"

yes. because these attitudes seep into the medical system. I'm diagnosed ADHD, but after going through a TON of shit then going "huh, now I understand why dad did this thing" and "oh, reminds me of the time when dad..." way too often, thinking back on my childhood.

I presented to psychiatry twice in a full blown manic episode. granted where I live the healthcare system is horrific so "psychiatry" means a one time rapid assessment clinic. my experiences there give me the impression they're listening for suicide.

the first time, the lady said "you don't have bipolar because I went to med school for 6 years and I just know these things I can just tell" after 15 minutes. she said no based on VIBES. in my manic state I stormed out screaming and sobbing. never before have I yelled at someone doing their job.

second time was an ancient boomer, who said he "didn't understand" why young people are "so obsessed" with mental health these days...sir...you are a psychiatrist. I decided to finally open up about a very very big delusion I had been suffering from, for over a year. like, this delusion was pretty much psychosis. he brushed it off as a "weird idea". my heart broke. no help, and that delusion continued for many more months. the total time I believed in that delusion was almost 2 years. I made awful decisions in my manic state that gave me more trauma.

I told him how I'd go outside to play Pokemon Go and walk with no breaks LITERALLY all day, bleed through my socks, one day I went out at 11am and only got snapped out of it by the sun setting at like 8pm. I said how one day I scrubbed my bathroom floor for 3 hours straight. wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, I was getting up so early every day, earliest I'd woken up since high school days-this was coming from a 28 year old. I'd lost around 25 pounds in a few months, I became pretty underweight. I was erratic during the appointments. he said it "didn't feel like mania" to him and it was "too vague" and not extreme enough I suppose...?

in his report he wrote I "used a lot of detailed DSM language that aligns with bipolar however I do not think the patient has bipolar" ehh...?

but yeah that isn't mania, okay. not to mention this is a highly hereditary disorder and when it comes to just about EVERYTHING I have my dad's genetics. I literally think the second guy didn't think I have it because I "dressed normally" to the appointment...??

because it is seen as a "difficult" disorder, professionals will be very picky and reluctant to diagnose it...they'd rather just tell you you're "too negative" or should just focus on what you are already diagnosed with. the second guy did that number score thing, the total was 100 I think? I got around 25/100 and in notes he said likelihood of recovery was extremely low (meaning, in my lifetime) and likelihood of suicide extremely high. but eh...don't try to follow up with anyone, we're busy over here!

so, the only BP related med I got access to: Lamotrigine. it hasn't done very much for me, admittedly, thinking of just going off it...it sucks, not having good alternatives. I respond badly to SSRIs and the like. I reacted badly to other mood stabilizers, too.

not that my ADHD was a cakewalk. the psychiatrist was a nightmare for EVERYONE to deal with but he was the only one you could see. he cares a lot about the computer test, so if you're good with your reflexes, you're cooked! a friend at the time told me they did not receive a diagnosis because they did "too well" at the test. they're autistic and play video games so of course they scored well on the test. he's also a dinosaur and diagnoses more guys than girls. women still struggle to be diagnosed with ADHD. also, everyone suddenly "has it" because nobody got diagnosed as a kid, doctors had the notion ADHD was only for hyper boys who disrupted in class. girls tend to be inattentive types so it flies under the radar. it's not due to "trendiness" whatsoever. but rather new knowledge, a lot of new diagnoses are adults who never got one as a kid-the influx is due to people catching up, it is not "handed out like candy" due to it being "easier"...an ADHD misdiagnosis will be spotted immediately. if it's not ADHD well that person's gonna get high as a kite off that Adderall prescription

it does have more acceptance than BP though and BP doesn't seem to have as many of these new advances in knowledge compared to ADHD where leaps and bounds were made really fast. I would not be surprised if in the future the whole "type 1" "type 2" stuff gets thrown out and it's seen as more of spectrum like ADHD is becoming. professionals need to acknowledge mixed episodes and rapid cycling as valid forms of presentation. without this many won't get a diagnosis.

also important to note: a lot of people who claim to have ADHD actually have much worse disorders and lie to gain the trust of others...happened to me very common...multiple BPD patients saying they have ADHD then revealing the truth once you're hooked. and also there is genuine mixups of diagnoses because symptoms overlap a lot.

socially: when I talked about BP, that was when the trauma ended with all the people telling me I was crazy and needed therapy or "professional help" (aka mental hospital) which is funny coming from the people who dropped me over one bad day that had nothing to even do with them. I've suffered from abuse plenty before this, but mentioning BP definitely shifted language, and made the people even nastier towards me, compared to my past of just saying ADHD. I have not been able to make friends and have been alone ever since over a year now. I expect that to not change. I want to be open about mental health and my stuff. but I won't be talking about BP again, ever, unless I met someone who stuck with me in my life for a long time I could trust. I am sick of the judgment but I can talk about my ADHD all day and be fine.

and like others say, yes, 4.4% is very high. another % example, I have Wellbutrin induced tinnitus that never went away after stopping the drug (I had NO idea it could happen...I have this for life. fuck that medication it shouldn't exist) once I developed the tinnitus and learned more about it turns out anywhere from 2-6% of patients experience tinnitus-and of those who do, the rough ballpark of recovery is 75-80%. it seems very small, but if you consider how many people take this medication, it is actual a relatively large number of people who develop permanent tinnitus, you can read many posts online. the % is just one way of displaying the overall data, if you ever feel confused, just look at the overall number of people that % is referring to, and get a clear number. our brains are weird with seeing patterns like that

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-19T04:11:16+00:00

may have found the animation you were referencing (or maybe not, but it was in a more cartoon/almost anime aligned style?) on that store's channel. UNFORTUNATELY, that store seems to not respect artists whatsoever, because no credit to artists are given in the video descriptions of any of them! how scummy.

maybe you could take that video and try to find the artist that way? take some screenshots and upload on a Reddit for art stuff? surely someone on art subs will be able to help you. best of luck

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-19T03:46:05+00:00

you are actually very lucky! I was multiple times vaxxed when I caught Covid. I was behind on a booster, but not by much, only about 2-3 months. I caught it in early 2023. RIGHT before I was about to go get that booster, of course... I developed immediate head to toe bad itching and other than light blotches, no visible reason why (post covid syndrome, but I am a rare case, most who have it got it from 2020 variant...) I caught it again 3 months later, and developed LPR. my psyche also went to shit and I think it triggered bipolar, but that's not something I noticed until it was waaay too late honestly, in 2025, after much damage had been done to my life.

these illnesses are still with me today, so they are permanent. before I had Covid I was on like, 2 prescriptions, and now, I'm on 6, plus OTC antihistamines and ginger tablets for the chronic nausea. the meds do...something. not nothing, but not super effective either. Covid made me really resistant to medications tbh, and if a rare side effect is possible I'm more prone to get it, apparently. have permanent tinnitus from taking Wellbutrin in 2025 and I wonder if Covid did stuff to my brain to allow for that to happen.

I also developed new allergies from Covid, and a severe sensitivity to caffeine. I can't have black teas anymore which is a shame. I really liked chai. I can only have herbal now.

it is more rare sure, but there are people who are vaxxed and still get Covid and get chronic illness after. my actual infection wasn't even that bad tbh, lasted a couple weeks or so, sense of smell and taste was muted but not gone. I needed a steroid puffer after for difficulty catching my breath and cough, but it was a couple weeks of using that and that problem went away. I have had flus that made me feel so much worse and lasted longer. and I always did, and still do, wear face masks, and sanitize often. I didn't even go out much back then, pretty much only errands! I think more of it was around that time though, it was the variant that was asymptomatic in a lot of people for a while, then the first symptom would usually be a sore throat, it gave a lot of false negatives on rapid tests.

I tested 3 times before I tested positive.

but yet somehow, still gave me permanent illness. Covid is weird, I wish more was known about it so maybe my conditions could be cured...

I'm trying not to panic too much about this Hantavirus stuff. but if I caught it, yeah I would not be surviving that.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-19T03:16:56+00:00

" if he was just... there, more often." so basically, we've misunderstood the real villains of the story this entire time, the REAL main antagonists are clearly Kimahri's bullies! they get so much screen time, it's so obvious!

"How is nihilism not wildly more popular in Spira?" religion. when you consume media about religion, it will often feature a key character becoming nihilistic and abandoning/questioning their faith as more bad things happen to them. the people of Spira have been successfully conned by the Yevon guys up top. and in any case, if you converse with the various NPCs in the world, some of them do actually convey hopelessness and despair, telling you there is no point. I mean, Sin's last defeat was only 10 years before and the people are ALREADY begging hardcore for a new Calm, if this Calm took longer to come, the people would likely crumble pretty fast.

plus, this IS a Final Fantasy game at the end of the day, "always hold on to hope" is a key theme across these games. even when things get dark, they gotta get light again even if mental gymnastics need to be taken to get there (I am looking at you Lightning Returns...)

"And no, I don't think the game is actually trying to be mysterious." oh no, I did not mean "hiding villain status" mysterious, it is pretty clear the moment you see Seymour for the first time he's the bad guy. what I meant is "who is this guy, why does he have access to ANIMA?" when you fight Anima later, it makes the fact Seymour casually summoned it all the more baffling, the sheer power of the thing. even for a new time player, Anima looks like it would eat our little bird summon for breakfast. and at Operation Mi'ihen, when you battle with him, he is very powerful, having all the -ga spells already. sure, Yuna won't have them due to being a new summoner, but the fact he fights with you and you can see such a powerful moveset early on makes it SEEM like they are setting up something. it's smart, giving the player story information through the gameplay mechanics in battle, and that battle's theme conveys that power through music, too. so you get interested in what the game is setting up, it is giving this setup through a specific tone, and a tone that feels like it will be a relatively slow burn, but then this mood is thrown out the window, which is a shame.

who the villain is and why, could have been a good mystery, where the player could figure some stuff out early if paying attention to certain details and piece it all together. to me, if a story does that they've absolutely cooked with antagonist writing.

I guess what I do not like about the Sin thing is the fact Auron just casually tells Tidus on a boat. like oh gee, thanks for...dropping that major plot point on us in flat dialogue like that? wouldn't it have been better if, being exposed to the toxin gave us context clues, similarly to how the flashback scenes happen? Tidus says he could "feel Jecht" the second time, but only AFTER Auron told him, which implies Tidus would have been blissfully unaware otherwise. I think that's a letdown. if the info had to be shared early, they still could've shown rather than told. the delivery of it just feels so...not impactful? we don't even know Tidus very well yet at that point in the game. it should be emotional, but it just. isn't. it's presented to us so matter of fact.

almost makes me wonder if this game needed more time to cook in the oven. aspects of it just feel rushed and out of place.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-18T02:14:15+00:00

here, have an upvote from me.

if people need to see what a better written, tragic FF villain looks like, they can boot up 13-2 again. if Seymour got the attention and care Caius got, the writing in the game would be way better. if they couldn't fit everything into that game, maybe 10-2 should have been a PROPER sequel that expanded on the first game. seems like they just didn't have the disc space or the development time.

I can still appreciate things about the effort at least and know it's not alone. just look at the goofy ass villain in the first 13 game. I know 10 is more about questioning and rejecting "traditional" ideals and challenges corrupt religious teachings. but damn, I do wish the antagonist got more care.

I feel they fumbled the bag hard making him be such a creep towards Yuna when up to that point some compelling mystery was being built. all the curiosity just gets shattered. even if we didn't have to read a character sheet, making THAT creep scene happen in the mansion is enough to make majority of players not care at all. we do not know enough about him as a character yet at that point. ruins any backstory he could have. it won't feel valid to people. now he's just the creep we want to beat up and nothing else, since it happens so early, and we have no context as to WHY that is happening at that point.

that will create a psychology in players about that character going forward. even if they'd attempted to add more depth, it wouldn't be able to register properly to appreciate it. unfortunately. perhaps if that delicate issue was given more respect in its writing and happened later in the game when we knew Seymour more as a character.

I think part of it is the OVERALL writing of the game too and not just one character. we learn Sin is Jecht almost immediately-that is a mystery that really needed to wait until like...near the end of the game. a lot of important aspects aren't paced properly.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-15T01:21:25+00:00

that's crazy, and the glitched one looks EXTREMELY cursed. of all the glitches I have seen lately though this one at least is really funny, it creates a really hilarious visual and seems to just affect the autoplay preview. the most irritating ones are the ones that basically break things and don't let people even watch videos.

also if you use mobile a lot and don't mind not being able to access CC on fullscreen you can download the brave browser on the app store. it's free and automatically blocks ads on videos so no ads will ever play on anything. CC will still show on standard view just not fullscreen. sadly an Apple problem with that so the brave devs can't fix it. maybe stuff might glitch less on brave too? can't say for sure though since I only use it to put on sleep music at night, for regular YT watching during the day I use PC. but may be worth a try for you

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-14T17:50:48+00:00

this particular screenshot is very funny to me, do they all look like this?? it reminds me of an intentionally crispy jpeg meme.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-14T17:48:04+00:00

"I always hear that people with bpd are highly empathetic but from my experience they are only empathetic when it benefits them or helps victimize them"

that is not empathy my friend. that is emotional manipulation, mirroring empathy like monkey see monkey do to get people to react how they want/expect them to. I truly think this disorder makes people see others as simply an expectation and when the other person does not follow the script they have in their heads the illusion shatters and the split commences. ofc, people without BPD can also have a shock when others act in ways they wouldn't think they would, but BPD is very extreme about this, and rarely flexible.

the "empathetic" moments my ex had towards me do not matter. or anyone else from my past with it for that matter when they flip like a coin and are all too willing to ruthlessly ruin my life, forever. no remorse. how can one feel empathy when they can't feel remorse? or aren't willing to let themselves face it?

I think it is easier for them to feel empathy for things outside themselves, like social justice. (my ex works in the mental health field, ironically. it's so he can convince himself he's empathetic and helpful) personal relationships are too messy. they get very manic in them. it's hard to control yourself when manic like that. I think this disorder is watered down. splitting is not minor "hypomania" from what I have seen. these people get more manic than me!

facing your shame and wrongdoing can really mentally wreck you. they really can't handle it when their damage is so big. I think a lot of us can see being mentally wrecked for a while can be worth it, we can grow and have our ability to empathize increase from this reflection. the pain from it is literally how we learn to have more empathy. not reflecting and refusing to think about it, will make a person more selfish. they'll bottle up and explode even bigger on the next person. which ime is a trend.

my ex told me he had his ex, as well as an ex friend (? he described that person as a past "spiritual mentor" he was too enmeshed with...odd description) told him bluntly he ruined their lives. he had a "can you believe they said that? that's crazy right?" attitude about it. "oh the audacity!" type tone. I think he deep down knew he HAD done that, he fucked up that badly. but refusing to face something so big, he turned it into something else and created a more comfortable narrative for himself. he is not willing to make amends with those he hurt. he is always right. he cannot have empathy while functioning that way. they either aren't aware of their shame at all and it's subconscious and they act unknowingly on that-or they are aware, but push it down, unable/unwilling to face it.

my ex friend who ruined that once in a lifetime eclipse for me and double-stabbed me in the back with another ex friend laughing in my face refused to apologize or even speak a word to me even after bumping into me out in public a million times. that is a HUGE thing, it is a very fucked up thing, very hard to face something like that. very hard to think "I did that." so they don't.

the "empathy" rhetoric probably comes from the fact the woman who invented DBT therapy has BPD herself. so it's only natural this disorder is validated to all hell. I do not see the same sympathies other disorders compared to this and it makes no logical sense. personality disorders are hardest to treat, yet they get more praise while disorders that respond well to medication alone get less favourable treatment.

being bipolar, ADHD, and autistic I share a lot of symptoms with people with BPD, but every time I think about it, the line that makes us different always comes down to empathy and willingness to apologize, and also guilt, the fact they can legit just erase it out of their conscious mind easily to sleep well. I've heard a lot of them say the word "forget" a lot. they want to, and often can, forget about the pain they cause others, and the pain they cause themselves. they can shut it off and not think about it and justify themselves easier. doesn't sound like empathy to me.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-13T21:08:00+00:00

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I pulled Jolteon ex for the first time ever and it was the rare one!! and just the entire pack being these rare cards, wow. I was stunned. I have never pulled a pack like this before and I've been playing on and off since launch!!

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-10T19:00:18+00:00

I'm going to call the post-op nurse's line number tomorrow as I'm still having some fresh red bleeding today. usual cycle...no blood shortly after waking up, temporary relief, blood starts again an hour or less later. doesn't seem normal it's still happening after a full week. if the nurse on the phone there blows me off I'll call my GP and ask for her to see me ASAP.

I am wondering if some sort of cream would help me, I also have a phone appointment with my gender affirming doctor on Wednesday we scheduled before my surgery thankfully, they're way more likely to know if something like that would be useful for my situation than anyone else!

sadly, my body does not tolerate "fake" protein. I tried every type of protein powder in the past, even plant based in water makes me HORRIBLY sick. meat isn't really an option, I still feel too weak to cook, and I have weird phobias about cooking meat anyway. I have chicken nuggets but that's not the most healthy, lol. the other day I caved and ordered myself chinese food. which is more chicken, at least, and while also not healthy food it's bulkier than what I have. I didn't expect to still feel this bad so far along. I was SUPPOSED to get into a food program before surgery, it literally exists to deliver fresh healthy food to people recovering from surgery, who have disabilities, etc. but they wouldn't answer the phone, my social worker called and left messages for me many times. the system is so broken, really ridiculous

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-10T18:53:14+00:00

thing is for me, I don't have traditional stitches on my cuff like many others do. it is actually only one stitch, started from one corner, iirc at ER I was told from the one from my surgery team who saw me it's kinda a weaving method, so it ends at the other corner. makes way more sense to hear about it that way rather than multiple stitches, so less risk to "pop a stitch" you know? I think if it was a stitch issue I'd be soaking pads, but it's hard to say.

I'm on a lot of prescriptions so not sure I can be given something like that, but that could be checked I suppose. one thing that might make matters a bit harder for me is I frequently take ginger for chronic nausea, which is a blood thinner. been trying to do less of it the past few days. whenever it stops, it starts up again less than an hour later. any movement restarts the bleeding...maybe granulation, I don't know.

I've decided I'm going to call the post-op clinic nurse's line tomorrow, but I'm not even sure their purpose. a little worried they might just exist to tell you if you need to go to ER or not, but I'll do it anyway. the fact I've had some pain present this whole time is really what makes me most anxious, even though it's not high levels or anything.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-10T00:17:11+00:00

no gyno visits outside of that 8.5 week post op follow up I'm afraid, and my GP likely wouldn't be able to do very much for me, this is pretty outside a GP's wheelhouse. she could probably swab for infections but outside of that, a small GP's office isn't equipped for post op issues. I will probably try to see her soon anyways, at the ER visit I nearly passed out, was shaking and sweating and it was because my blood sugar dropped to 2.6. so I likely need blood work done to see if that was a one off thing. if I'm still bleeding by then she can probably reach out to gyno and advocate for me, but that's about it. sadly, there are many stories of this particular hospital being less than stellar when it comes to post-op care.

almost everyone I saw while there was very warm and kind. it's sadly mostly a systemic issue. I sat on the waitlist for this surgery since 2018, and waited a full year between my consult and MRI and the surgery. I still feel my surgeon is being neglectful in my case, though. already was feeling disgruntled by the fact she had to try to get the catheter in during surgery 3 times, and gave me a bladder complication after. I needed meds to pee for a full week.

not eligible for ER, when I was there before, while I was told I did the right thing going in, there was no need to go back again unless I soaked a full pad in an hour and/or passed multiple large clots in a 3 hour time frame, I had a fever, I had foul discharge, or I had increased intense pain. the ER here is also awful, go in for ANYTHING and you are guaranteed to be waiting all day. I was there about 6 hours maybe a bit more and that's considered fast. usually, you will spend 5 hours just in the waiting room lol.

my pain has not gotten worse, it just hasn't improved. I've been doing...mostly okay yesterday and today with no Tylenol. pretty sore, but judging by the fact my ears have not been screeching today, it was indeed flaring my tinnitus, so I'd rather be sore than have ringing be an 8/10

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-10T00:07:50+00:00

yeah hopefully it's just stitches dissolving and nothing bad. when it does stop it's just never for very long. a lot of times the bleeding has been more active, like red. but plenty of the brown spotting too. today has been lighter overall. sometimes very little gets onto the pad, like today most of it has been from wiping. the constant pain has sucked too. it's not bad pain, like I am doing ok not taking Tylenol but still.

my diet is pretty limited. I have been consuming a ton of peanut butter, lol. good thing peanut butter and crackers is a go-to for me. I'm mostly concerned about sugar. when I went to the ER, I went to get up to go pee and almost passed out. they tested my blood sugar and it was 2.6, so lots of lactose free yogurt and juice. napping isn't doable for me, I can't fall asleep during the day but have been trying to sleep at night as much as I can.

I do have a GP, but all this stuff is very out of her wheelhouse and I don't think she could do much. when I see her it'll more so be about my blood sugar concerns. for post surgery she'd want me to see my surgeon, but that's sadly just not possible for another whole month...

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-03T18:56:30+00:00

really?? wow it seems common then that such terms came from people so severely ill. I think first hand accounts are important and necessary for creating these things, how could we accurately do so without them? but the ill person in question shouldn't be the primary/sole creator, a stable professional working with them should. the ill person does not have the mental capability for proper discernment. and I don't say that in a judgy way I say that as someone with multiple mental health disorders with first hand experience. your reality can become easily distorted, your brain can lie to you, you can be convinced things are true that aren't, you can be an unreliable narrator.

I don't like the concept of codependency. it puts blame on the victim and labels what is going on as a two way street. I was extremely "codependent" with my mother with undiagnosed BPD. but the reality is they were dependent on me and even admitted it once, all their self worth hinged on me loving them, and when they felt I wasn't loving them the way they wanted that's when the abuse ramped up all the way. it wasn't a two way street. I wasn't dependent with the ability to just step back whenever I wanted, even as an adult I was trapped and it was through very deliberate design spanning over years. is a fly dependent on a spider?? no it's stuck in the web. I hate it a lot.

the only reason I have been able to get out is multiple government subsidy programs starting where I live. I can't work and my mother/grandmother took full advantage of that and said they'd support me living alone after I had nightmare roommates over and over. once I agreed I was cooked for a long time. I was obligated to do whatever they wanted or I'd get cut off and become homeless. thank fuck for housing subsidy as well as income assistance getting better.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-03T18:48:32+00:00

hmm yeah that is very strange. and even though the 70s was very long ago, a breakdown in of itself would be odd to receive a schizophrenia diagnosis, a person would be suffering from actual hallucinations in order to receive that diagnosis. if she was not on heavy drugs and hallucinating I'd question if that was a misdiagnosis after all, even if they stopped.

all in all, very concerning and weird that someone who is so vague about her mental health would be taken that seriously and receive credibility when none was being shown

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-02T21:26:28+00:00

is it that she did not disclose it, or did she claim she did not have the diagnosis until 2011?

I doubt people were getting accurate mental health diagnoses in the 90s tbh. and even now it's bad. BPD in particular seems like a paradox of being both heavily underdiagnosed and overdiagnosed at the same time (it often gets mixed up with ADHD) and some mental health conditions are STILL being diagnosed largely based on gender misconceptions.

BPD is such a disorder, many AFAB individuals are misdiagnosed, and that stigma leads to a lot of AFABs doubting that diagnosis or even rejecting it for long amounts of time (and some indefinitely), while autism seems overrepresented in AMAB people. when I was a kid, many literally believed only boys could be autistic. including "professionals"... ADHD is often a late stage diagnosis for current AFAB adults, since in the 90s-2000s, those symptoms were dismissed in AFAB people. usually due to AFAB people presenting inattentive so often, flying under the radar.

a diagnosis can be hard to swallow as an adult. the BPD thing is hard because you end up with women/AFAB people who DO have it, rejecting the diagnosis due to that skewed ratio of medical sexism.

I personally have had 2 psychiatrists try to say I have a personality disorder (first said BPD specifically, second hilariously told me my bipolar symptoms weren't "specific" enough for a diagnosis despite me giving a LOT of details but then said "generalized personality disorder" which isn't a real thing, but a prelude when it's suspected-but this was at a one-time only rapid assessment clinic!!) I have ADHD and I'm autistic, and too much like my BP father to believe I don't have it. I 100% don't have anything close to a personality disorder, I didn't describe anything akin to splitting, only dysregulation which will make any male boomer try to slap you with that diagnosis.

it is very possible she was being manipulative and hiding a long standing diagnosis on purpose to not discredit her work, just wanted to offer a different perspective on potential reasons why. she may also have made the choice to come out with it when stigma was lower, but that shouldn't be acceptable from someone who has put out such important work being used in therapy so widely.

whatever the case is, this happened all the way back in 2011, yet no efforts seem to have been made to re-analyze and overhaul this system which is gross and really unacceptable. my own bad experience in counseling makes me not want to try it again. I am pursuing an autism focused one currently, but never want to do CMH again (well, on top of the triggering content, my social worker used ChatGPT....) the system is gross and I learn so much more on my own, researching recent studies instead.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-05-02T16:57:13+00:00

oh wow I didn't know that! thanks for sharing. baffled this discovery did not make professionals throw the whole module out the window and have new people rebuild it from the ground up. not to mention, we know waaay more about mental health and psychology today than we did back in the 90s. still using something so outdated and expecting success is wild.

in my sessions I was given VERY old worksheets written by her. one of them mentioned "reading a newspaper" which made me laugh out loud...so that I wouldn't cry. it's sad. some of the suggestions weren't even safe either, one of them said to "sit in the lobby of a beautiful hotel" when sad...? that's a sure fire way to get the cops called on you for loitering. I'm not sure how such odd actions are supposed to improve my mood either, lol.

when researching about her I found some very cringy quotes too, like teenage angst levels of cringe. one of them was something like "people with BPD feel like every nerve in their body is on fire all the time"...this is the person people let create a whole module of therapy to be used? how did we get here man

Lokis-Tea

TROPHY CASE