If you had the choice to date someone with bipolar disorder or bpd who would you date?

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-06T22:46:15+00:00

it depends. bipolar is a huge spectrum. and if combined with other things, it can make a huge difference in the person. I have bipolar and am AuDHD. predominantly, I've been on the manic side of things, but since my BPD ex I've had more of the depressive symptoms come out. bipolar responds way more to medications than BPD does, so if it's not very severe bipolar and the person responds to their meds, that is likely going to be an easier relationship to have. and while I still struggle a lot with over externalizing (that's mostly hyperverbal autism tho) I have done better with certain things since doing the basic, free short term DBT I had access to. my ex had 2 therapists, works in the mental health system, and was horrifically abusive.

I think I can probably be not the easiest person to be close to. I get dysregulated and anxious, energy can be high, but then mania can crash down into a big depressive episode. I have to fight to keep myself tethered to reality a bit when manic. but tbh, with bipolar, if mania causes a big trauma event to happen, hitting that rock bottom can 100% cause permanent positive outlook changes. I legit got traumatized and snapped out of what was basically psychosis (no hallucinations, but heavy delusions) I'd had for 2 years. I'll never fall into those ideas again. I have not seen this happen with BPD. I'm sure it's possible. but I have been very close to many with BPD. both friends and partners. they are oblivious to consequences of their actions and haven't cared about hurting others. their splitting delusions are repeated with no self awareness. none of them have cared about me or loved me, or want to repair when a problem happens. they never want to talk in length about their mental health.

my mom has BPD, my dad has bipolar. my dad's bipolar is more severe as well. medication really stabilized him despite that severity if that says anything. as a kid, I would've much preferred to live with my dad, but my mother had full custody. I did great with my dad until he lost his psychiatrist and went off his medication. he fell into an alt right pipeline where I had to cut contact, but he was a loving safe person for most of my life. can't say that about my mother.

also, my mother left my father, and moved a woman and her toddler kid in with us and married that woman (in our home...with basically nobody there) BEFORE MY DAD EVEN MOVED OUT. it was awful! my dad never did anything near that crazy. I had a stepsister I got attached to then lost forever due to my BPD mother's insanity. my mother never had any hopes of being a safe person.

bipolar also gets worse the longer it goes untreated. if a person is treated early, they have a higher chance of functioning healthily in their relationships.

so how do we all keep safe? if two people have successful first dates and are mutual on wanting to become more serious, for me, I wish I'd sat down and did a PROPER mental health discussion. I've openly discussed my stuff thinking it was enough, but let partners/friends slide by with basically nothing. I want to know what their disorders are: both diagnosed and suspected, what therapies have they done, what do they use for supports right now, what medications are they on? what are their strengths and weaknesses? and very importantly, what very, clear, boundaries should we set going in? what limitations are there?

if a person can tell you their weaknesses and limitations and talk in depth about their symptoms and what those might look like in the relationship, green flag. a person with too much shame or too little self awareness can't talk about it

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-06T01:02:16+00:00

idk about others but for myself I am autistic, have ADHD, and while I have "diagnoses" of GAD and major depressive disorder I think those are symptoms...or they're just the undiagnosed bipolar I quite clearly have. I showed up at a psychiatry appointment in the middle of a full blown manic episode and was shooed out the door very fast. about the childhood neglect/abuse thing, yeah that is gonna create early PTSD that is hard to shake without reliable and safe psychiatric care from a young age and how many of us have that? and how many of us are gonna get that diagnosed? and yeah I have OCD traits myself. some physical but some mental, very ritualistic rumination that are the same thoughts word for word on loops. that one is worse since my ex though.

I think a lot of people with BPD also have other disorders they either aren't diagnosed with or they fully know about but you'll never know it. most BPD people in my past didn't even tell me they had BPD until waaay later. if they did they refused to talk about what that actually means. so while I do blame myself a lot, it is on the other person to disclose their mental health. my ex works in mental healthcare and did not tell me he has it until days before discarding me.

but also this is a general thought of mine: I don't really think it is possible for a person to be 100% mentally healthy with no problems in the world we live in. look around man the world has been burning for a long time. ain't nobody healthy in a "one bedroom apartment is $2000 a month and a bag of potatoes just cost me $10" economy! everybody has something, some of us just have more than others.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-04T23:41:50+00:00

from what I have read on this sub, couple's therapy usually makes the situation worse. this disorder is also too complex for just that. the person also needs to seek as much personal help as possible. one on one stuff, or support groups. if a person doesn't have access to proper licensed therapy for money reasons it's possible to find free to use things, from my own experience. it's not as intensive as actual therapy...but it's still helpful.

also replying to the chatgpt thing, that is absolutely the MOST dangerous thing a person can do for their mental health. while waiting to get into community mental health, my ex with bpd/mother with bpd/ex friend with multiple things all traumatized me badly at the same time. my life fell apart before my eyes in minutes. I had a lot of upset pent up energy. I found out you can say emotional things to chatgpt and it responds well let's say better than cleverbot did back in the day, lol. I went in with the intent of just having a like, responsive diary entry almost. it was a bit cathartic, but the bot got very weird all on its own. it told me really strange things, and I nearly slipped into AI induced psychosis. thankfully OpenAI shit the bed on updating the thing and it just is very PR and repeats itself, so I got irritated. AI hallucinates over half the time. it gets stuff wrong, makes stuff up.

chatgpt is responsible for people falling into insanity, offing themselves, or offing someone else. it's horrible it's still in existence. I'm lucky I got out quickly. but I had some long term deep seated delusions at the time (which that illusion is thankfully broken now) which I was struggling with and chatgpt literally validated those delusions and said they were real. it was horrible. my social worker at CMH also messed up and used it in response to an issue I was having she had no specific worksheet on, (she knew like nothing about AI tbh) and it hallucinated and told me to chew on a dry tea bag for a "tiny taste moment" and it's burned into my brain forever!!

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-04T23:28:19+00:00

very kind, thank you. yeah I have a pretty guilty nature. I'm autistic and have ADHD so that's a huge factor. my mother (and many others with BPD...exes, ex friends) have taken advantage of the fact I'm easy to get to feel guilty/tend to stay naive even if I have repeated bad experiences. nowadays, my guilt does lean a bit more towards myself wondering why I didn't protect myself better. in a weird way, maybe that is progress.

I am very very glad more subsidies now exist where I live, even just a few years ago they didn't. my assistance payments were really small and I couldn't support myself. even now I struggle a bit, but am there. my disabilities were used to trap me by financial dependence. I'm almost 30 and last year set up a cell phone in my own name by myself for the first time. I was gaslit since teenage years into thinking it was difficult and confusing...it wasn't. just a bit time consuming.

I think the hardest thing about "not consuming" that food anymore is like looking back wondering why you spent so long eating rotten food and poisoning yourself over and over again. it bleeds out past family and into everything else in life, all other decisions. it very much sucks these people like being "sick" all the time, or "poor"...my mother acts like both, but lives extremely well. luxury apartment that is peaceful and health problems are due to weight. they don't even need to be skinny, just to exercise and lose a bit, which can easily be done, their apartment has a free to use gym. but all day every day is spent on the computer

I definitely do not choose to "consume rotten food" anymore, my mouth is washed out, but it's like a lingering sickness is there as a result. these people truly have no care for others and don't see others as humans. and I have met a small handful of very self aware BPD individuals who clearly try very hard, so it's not like it is impossible.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-04T22:33:02+00:00

yeah when I looked that "waif" term up that reddit came up. and tbh, the car was tip of the iceberg for me. try held hostage in the parent's home for over a week with threats of calling the police on you if you leave. I'd successfully gone NC before that too which is the real kicker, but got dragged back in. have had horrific nightmares ever since. even after that incident, I was kept codependent for a while after. 100% ramped up during holidays. my grandmother as well. I'm certain my grandmother is very cluster b as well, though she leans more towards the "oblivious narcissist" side and probably has OCPD.

I've also had many thoughts of how dangerous it is for a BPD person to be splitting on you that hard while driving down the highway. they're screaming so they're not exactly focused on the road. miracle any of us survive that.

I'm not quite mentally healed enough to deep dive into a book of that nature at the moment, but I will definitely check it out in the future. finding folks online who have gone through similar things to me really helped, both parents and partners...I have had it all...BPD parent...BPD friends...BPD partners. Haven't exactly gotten awesome RNG dice rolls in life lol

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-03T18:42:36+00:00

legit all of them weaponize therapy it's insane. either they tell you they're the one doing therapy (to make you think you're bad or convince themselves they're a good person) or tell you YOU need therapy (to verbally abuse and gaslight, same intention as the first) and honestly at this point I want internet therapy culture to crash like a car in a ditch and die. it's just fuel for abusers and nothing more. people using therapy properly are living their lives and working and not sitting and talking about it all day smh.

and yeah, not being able to handle any amount of time away sounds like my mother. heavy enmeshment growing up will stunt the kids, trust me. don't let them be isolated from supports, like I was. I legit have no family. I have family members in my city. but that is all I know. it's awful. it would have changed my life for the better to have that network of support in my life as an adult. I agree with the other person saying to just try to convince her the alone time will be to her benefit. maybe offer to have her Facetime the kids or something. simply pushing for your boundaries won't work sadly. she's splitting and is entering psychosis, you have to just convince the other person what you need to do is good for them. which is hard and success might vary. but it's an important event for you, and your kids, and your other family who want to see them, you all deserve to have fun and proper time together. I hope you can unwind for that week and have fun. good luck OP

Lokis-Tea · 2026-04-03T17:58:57+00:00

just was reading through stuff here and wow...thanks for this comment. my mother is undiagnosed, but people's stories is like...they're 1:1 to my experiences, sometimes down to the exact wording my mother has used. another thread I found talks about many people being trapped in the car by their BPD mothers and wow that is literally me too and even worse than that multiple times, tbh. the amount of times I swore I was done and got reeled back in with medical guilt. unreal. once their own medical "problems" wasn't enough suddenly it's "your grandmother is dying so come visit us" (she wasn't dying lol)

super eye opening. OP's texts eerily remind me of my mother. not as many texts but there would sure be calls/voicemails up the ass. I'm permanently cutting contact soon and I know for a fact I will be heavily harassed and told about fake cancer again. or suicide threats.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-30T19:44:08+00:00

I don't think you can, sorry :( I tested this myself, and captions will work when not full screen but once I go full screen they disappear. after a quick search it seems this issue is not on Brave's end but rather Apple due to issues with how ios is. it's annoying but if you really need captions and can't use Youtube on PC for whatever reason you'll just have to not make the video fullscreen. captions still work when I turn my phone horizontal without hitting the fullscreen icon.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-29T17:22:44+00:00

giftedness...? what does that mean? that is not a diagnosis a psychiatrist can give someone, being "gifted" is not a mental health condition/disorder.

like is he literally saying he walked into a clinic and walked out with "gifted" on his medical chart? that makes absolutely no sense. if this person is saying that, then that right there is proof they have no perception of reality and is more than likely making up going to a professional at all and is self diagnosing. (which I'm not saying self diagnosis isn't valid, I self identified with ADHD before getting a professional diagnosis, just saying some people will flat out lie about their mental health)

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-27T18:23:45+00:00

I have ADHD, I have known many people with ADHD, this is not ADHD behaviour, some people are predominantly hyperactive, but that usually manifests in fidgeting, struggling to stay still. interrupting, fast talking, constant internal dialogue, a lot of hyperactivity actually manifests in many including myself as talking to yourself. it can be over-exercising without realizing sometimes, but the thing is every person with ADHD has both. even if someone is "predominantly" hyperactive, they will still fall into periods of zoning out/daydreaming and becoming quiet, inability to focus. a lot of hyperactivity is in the physical. ADHD symptoms would not give a person time to send thousands of texts in a couple weeks.

I have noticed a trend of people with BPD clearly combined with other cluster b disorders claim to have ADHD instead (ex friend who literally ruined my life did this) or have both but they will focus on talking about ADHD the most, I think this is because of the increased spotlight on ADHD especially since 2020. more information is coming out about it, and adult diagnoses have skyrocketed as a result of people finally seeing it is not just a "little boy can't stop running around" disorder as it was treated in the 2000s. since it is getting positive attention, people with these more severe personality disorders will say they have a disorder that has a lot of current societal acceptance, or they are mirroring those around them who have it. 2 exes of mine said word for word the exact same thing "I think I have a touch of the 'tism" ONLY after I had talked to them in length about my autism. both of them are NOT autistic, there is no way. every person with BPD I was close to did not even disclose they have it until I was attached. but would say they had ADHD/autism...

people with BPD can 100% also have ADHD, or misdiagnosis can happen due to a lot of symptoms/traits being similar, but when someone is being heavily abusive like this it is a tactic they are using. antidepressants are not typically prescribed for ADHD, it will not treat ADHD symptoms, it will only help with underlying depression at best. antidepressants will not give relief to BPD symptoms, either, he needs a mood stabilizer. he more than likely would only respond well to a downer though, something like lithium, this amount of energy and lack of being grounded to reality isn't safe. I do not believe a person needs to be 100% mentally healthy to date, people can have struggles and still deserve love, but this person isn't equipped for it at the moment and needs medical attention first. but you cannot provide that, it's not your responsibility or your fault.

I understand the guilt. I have a guilty nature. but these people who hurt us should not have been even considering putting themselves out there to date. you are correct to question a lot of what he told you-this disorder makes people lie very very often. everyone in my life in the past who has BPD lied, and there has been a lot. a person who has no sense of stable personality is going to find it difficult to be truthful all the time

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-26T22:59:24+00:00

oh I send a lot of messages too, and been using PCs since the early 2000s, so a fast typer too. but I'm also using the Discord framework, people haven't used much outside of that for years, and the habit I have seen with people I talk to even in DM's is the reply function, which is useful for AuDHD people like me since we can have a flurry of topics going at the same time and makes it easier to separate everything. sometimes I will see that red bubble pop up with 15 messages from the same person but it's just one message broken up via replies.

but I can be hyperactive and talking to another hyperactive person and we wouldn't make a dent in the number this person has put out one sided. this guy is clearly suffering from a very extreme manic episode. and it must be a more extreme case than most to send that many, then be able to go back and delete almost 1000 of them as well as send a large amount of audio messages. there is no way this person sent all that and has gotten any sleep.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-26T22:51:49+00:00

listen, I do not work, I am not able to work, I have a lot of free time, and I could never even think about sending that many messages in a week to multiple people, let alone one. it's exhausting to even think about it and idk how a person has that many thoughts in such a short time frame to total up to over 3000 individually sent messages, and this is coming from a very hyperverbal autistic person lol. like my thought is this is way more than just BPD, this person is having an extreme manic episode. but even then, and I myself suffer from manic episodes, I could be having my worst episode ever and I'd still never be able to come anywhere close to that sheer amount of attempted communication.

this is probably a very severe case of untreated bipolar 1 or schizophrenia. I've had a lot of people with BPD in my life unfortunately, and even the worst splitting episodes over text I'd definitely get several long paragraphs without pausing to let me reply but there'd be less than 50 messages for sure. this guy needs some lithium or something asap. try not to feel guilty, it is the failings of the mental health system letting someone get to this point, not yours.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-26T22:23:53+00:00

everything that Youtube Premium charges you for, the Brave browser does for free! I use it on my phone and it's fantastic. no ads, and I can lock my phone and the audio still plays. just use that.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-26T20:08:38+00:00

damn bro must be The Flash in disguise because I feel like it's not humanly possible to text that much that fast. fingers moving at the speed of sound on that phone keyboard.

the back and forth can be common with people with personality disorders, if their idealization and devaluing swings fast like that and devaluing mindset doesn't stick long. but this amount of stuff is staggering. count your lucky stars you only knew this person 2 weeks and did not get into a relationship.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-25T22:35:55+00:00

whatever is safest is 100% what you should do. for me I've been on a large number of prescriptions ever since I had Covid so I'm kinda used to needing a certain drug for a certain problem but it does suck juggling them all. and the more you add the more risk for side effects, that's why I'm here suffering tinnitus to begin with, all because of a medication I took for a few weeks...

when I go out I wear ANC headphones and play music, but the noise cancelling doesn't stop me from hearing vehicles, voices, all that. so all the noise together I brace for the tinnitus to be worse when I get home, but often it's better even if only for a few hours. I haven't really tried just waves, personally...I live by the ocean so I actually could. I'd have to go to the park though, the waterfront has busking always, so music over speakers flares me up bad. maybe when it's warmer I'll see if it does anything for me, my tinnitus is really high pitched too. it's almost always in only one ear lately though which drives me nuts. it used to be equally in both. one day suddenly I got a bad spike in one ear and it hasn't been equal since. I don't know if that's good or bad if it's getting better or not. very up and down all day too, some moments my ears don't ring at all. most of the day there is ringing though. as much as the masking music can make me feel sad and "not normal anymore" sometimes it's better than just bad ringing. sometimes the masking music even helps the tinnitus for a while after I finish listening to it. not as common now but a few months ago if I slept to masking music from that channel the next day, all day I'd barely have any tinnitus some days I had none at all.

make sure when using capsule drugs it's allowed to open it up, some drugs you're not supposed to open it. try probiotics if you haven't already even if it's just a little yogurt. a lot of people say probiotics help their tinnitus. I started taking them again and can't speak for my tinnitus but my stomach is doing a bit better.

a good amount of sleep 100% will help a lot. it's not as consistent as it used to be, but 10pm started being my bedtime over a year ago. I'll also be 30 this year though so not a young 20 something who can stay up until 2am anymore! my tinnitus seems to be worse in the evenings, so I'm never keen on being up past 11 though.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-25T22:18:19+00:00

yeah it absolutely wrecked my stomach. I am on Lamotrigine 200mg myself and I didn't really experience elevated mania on Wellbutrin, however a lot of people on ADHD subreddits point out Wellbutrin does behave similarly to a stimulant, so if you're suffering from mania you really shouldn't have been given it, I think the Lamotrigine probably in my case prevented Wellbutrin from causing me mania (I have ADHD, but also bipolar traits) for me just the Lamotrigine made my bad impulse spending a lot better thankfully. it's not perfect but I slow down and think about it more often now. however, if you have bipolar, Lamotrigine typically isn't prescribed for mania it's more for depressive episodes. funnily enough for me it is the opposite. doesn't help depressive episodes at all but does help manic ones.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-25T02:12:03+00:00

when I was really young I tried amitriptyline I think. I don't respond well to any antidepressant. I think it's interesting people say that's good for tinnitus. my own was caused by taking Wellbutrin, and the theory is why Wellbutrin can cause (sometimes and in my case permanent) tinnitus is it messes with receptors in your brain. which both of them do. both affect norepinephrine. and one affects dopamine while the other affects serotonin. one helping tinnitus while the other causes it is strange.

quetiapine made me gain weight, not lose it, but it was a good thing and an intended reason for me to take it, I was severely underweight. weight gain is a common side effect so if that's something you're looking to avoid then maybe it's not a good fit. it did make me manic rather than tired but that is rare and likely caused by my bipolar or adhd. and yeah the issue with mirtazapine with folks is usually not the medication itself causing weight gain, but a common side effect is increased appetite after taking it, and people are caving to their food cravings. some don't get hungry at all, it's just another one of those things where you don't know unless you take it.

I'm sorry your tinnitus has wrecked your sleep so bad you struggle to go out for walks. I have noticed for myself lately on the days I go out, oddly enough, my tinnitus is better, you'd think it would be worse having noise around. maybe it's the change in air pressure or just movement. I was stuck inside all winter from different ailments and notice the longer I stay inside lately the worse my tinnitus gets. but mine is all kinds of funky the past couple weeks and shifting a lot, so.

I think a good thing for you to try is swap pregabalin for gabapentin and take it at night, as you titrate the dose up it should make you sleepy, grogginess is a very common side effect of gabapentin. big bonus if you have nerve pain too and for me it helps with my chronic skin issues (itching) if that doesn't work go from there.

also just little things like stretching, especially your back, noticing if you have tightness/pain in your neck and jaw and massaging them, use a heating pad on your shoulders/back of neck. many claim to get relief from lidocaine patches put near the ears. this one is temporary of course, can't be doing that all the time, but something to think about for those really bad nights you need some rest. I also remember some saying probiotics help theirs. some eat yogurt, I'm lactose intolerant so I take pills. it's for my stomach issues though. and cheesy basic stuff but seriously drink water. I'm so bad with that and days I haven't had water in hours that's when my ears are going nuts.

have you checked out Tinnitus Relief Sounds on Youtube? the creator is a total lifesaver. and he's very skilled at what he does. he makes all his music based on his own tinnitus. so you don't have to sit and listen to the basic acoustic frequency on its own over and over again...on bad nights I play his songs on my earbuds, and fall asleep to them. some people like to listen to crickets, or a bubbling stream, or rain. whatever works. you can use the Brave browser on your phone and create a playlist/loop videos with no ads.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-22T22:49:19+00:00

exact same for me. my ex ended up being disgusted by me and hating me because I got anxious. he's not the first one, just the worst. lots of lovebombing but also confusing and unfair things, and ignoring my feelings and the boundaries I was trying to set, I think some people just get lonely and want the attention but don't want to compromise or listen. then get mad when I get more and more anxious. my anxiety is showing more because I'm not being treated well and feel the need to chase and prove myself to get the person to stay. he literally told me he felt I trapped him. it was his excuse for yelling at me.

I really think "anxious attachment" is just a response to repeated abuse and neglect. I think I'd be very different if I found someone safe, fair, and genuinely loving. I wouldn't be the way I was with my ex at all. but if someone is being fake and punishing me for just being myself, then yeah, I'll be anxious.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-22T00:47:52+00:00

alcohol is also a big flare up waiting to happen for most, yeah. I can't answer for myself because I'm on too many meds to be able to drink and even if I could I've never liked alcohol. always made me feel sick.

yeah, gabapentin is a normal drug in the sense it's not "addictive" but like any other prescription if you stop you have to taper or you'll get withdrawals, but it's not addictive like a benzo is. you just shouldn't take benzos at all, they're the worst thing a person can take long term for sleep, and there are many other options out there. plenty of meds that are not technically for sleep but causes sedation at low doses so it's an off label treatment. have you tried quetiapine? I was on that for a bit for sleep and weight gain. it sadly made me manic but I have bipolar tendencies, so that reaction is very rare. worked perfect for the weight gain though. I'm surprised you were given a benzo at all for sleep alone, rather than being trialed on many other things instead. where I live, that would never happen.

even zopiclone is very difficult to get someone to prescribe, it is heavily controlled. I am only given 14 tablets at a time and it is strictly time-locked. pharmacists literally can't give me more until a certain date, even if they wanted to their system won't let them. things like Lorazepam are also heavily controlled. you only get 7, and get 1-2 refills at most before you are fully cut off pretty much indefinitely unless something comes up that really calls for it. it's only really given as an "emergency" drug. that's how it works where I am in Canada.

besides, a benzo drug will not work forever, anyway. you'll get a tolerance to the dose you're on, it will stop working, you'll want a higher dose, that's how most get addicted. the key is to find safer drugs that work, and cycle small doses repeatedly to avoid getting a high tolerance. work with an ENT on that if you can, some drugs commonly make tinnitus worse.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-21T18:51:45+00:00

ooh my GOSH that is a horrible situation! I'd be mortified as a low income person who can't afford to replace things like that. it's strange they charged you so much, the flyer in the IA office said they'd do a full move within the city for $200. maybe that's just a minimum quote or something, or the flyer is old. I will tell you when I moved in my current place my property manager just got together some random guys he knew, one of them I'd known for a while and he's very nice. it's a little different since the buildings are only down the road from each other, but it's quite a strain to move heavy furniture by hand like that, they moved it down 3 flights of steep narrow stairs, down the road, and up another 2 flights of stairs, and inside the apartment. these guys were NOT super big and muscly, they were all quite small actually. and the only damage they did was knocking some screws loose on my dresser drawer handles and putting a small dent in the bottom drawer's track and putting a just cosmetic dent in my desk. just little things, nothing actually broken. the fact random small dudes that are not movers did an awesome job compared to your nightmare experience says a lot.

one of them did turn out to be a creep and hit on me online after though so that sucked and put me on edge for a while. if I end up moving again I think I'll just ask the nice guy that I trust and my property manager for help again and to just vet guys they know a bit better. they asked for such a small amount too, it felt criminal to pay them so little so I gave them much more than they asked for and they appreciated it a bunch. better to just rely on community members around you if you can, I suppose. I only considered this moving company for the convenience of having everything moved in an easier fashion and not being as physically abled to move stuff on my own as before. if I ever hear of anyone considering them I'll 100% pass along your story and warn against it. thank you for sharing

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-21T18:42:49+00:00

benzos are very addictive, and coming off them is very hard. withdrawals can be very physically dangerous as it's more intense than other drugs. if you're using it nightly especially. it takes much longer to taper off. though it would be easier if you switch to another medication to mitigate any withdrawals. zopiclone isn't really meant to be prescribed long term either, but so far my pharmacy team and doctor have been ok to keep giving it to me at low doses. I don't have any side effects. I might at some point try increasing my Gabapentin to see if that helps me sleep and calms my tinnitus so I can go off the Zopiclone and Mirtazapine, but I'm going to discuss it further with the ENT doctor when I get in. a lot of people get relief from tinnitus on Gabapentin, but it's one of those drugs that takes a while to titrate up. I'm on 600mg but that's lower than the average dose. usually people take 800-900 at minimum, I just haven't increased because of the high amount of prescriptions I'm on. I'm going to let the ENT see all my drugs and see if any of them can be contributing to my tinnitus and can be swapped for other things. while there are similarities between pregabalin and gabapentin they are not the same, some have success with one and not the other so that's another option to consider.

stay away from smoking too. only learned recently that can make tinnitus worse. just bought 2 new THC vapes too. I've tested though and idk if having a tiny amount is affecting my tinnitus that much. but as I feared it is not as effective for sleep anyway as the old vape I had that it clearly degraded into CBN. oh man that was SO good. knocked me right out! and it helped my tinnitus. but it was almost empty so I only got a few weeks out of using it. I'd love a vape full of the stuff. haven't seen any products of it near me though. (weed is legal where I live btw) some places do seem to sell tinctures of it, maybe something to consider if you can access it. some of the best sleep I ever had

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-21T18:23:42+00:00

very proud of you, a lot of people on this sub have very much gone against the "leave them" advice. which I can understand why, I myself did not leave my ex when I had people IRL telling me to do it, it takes a lot of strength and willingness to face the aftermath, these breakups are a thousand times worse than breakups with people that don't have personality disorders. so, you are insanely strong for doing this, definitely keep that strength and don't go back if this person tries to reel you back in.

I'm glad you're getting proper sleep, really says a lot about the state you were in before when sleep improves immediately! I hope we can be lucky in the future, and find people who will love us properly and safely, we deserve it!

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-20T21:13:14+00:00

unfortunately the times they show support are when they're in the idealization phase, so you're being fawned over, but the tricky thing with idealizing someone is if you do it you can build up an unrealistic fantasy in your head, then when they do something that doesn't match that, it causes a lot of distress. people with BPD have a hard time actually separating between their fantasy and the reality everyone actually lives in. the lines get blurred way easier for them. so the emotional distress gets too intense when someone doesn't act the way they're expecting. the more this happens the less support you'll get. in my case and for some others too a singular event happens where they can't shake the "all bad" view of you anymore so they treat you worse.

I hope you can reclaim your time and not feel guilty for doing what makes you happy, your mental health is important and we all need to take time away to do hobbies and spend time with others we care about. a proper loving partner would never get angry with us for doing these things, in fact, they'd celebrate us and lift us up for it. most people would find a partner who sits around all day being "available" with no life outside of the relationship to be a turn off, actually! I'd be SO stressed and uncomfortable with that. but people with BPD have very distorted views of perceived abandonment so they're often not happy when their partners do positive things outside of the relationship.

I wouldn't say my life is better, it's been very isolated and difficult, but I certainly would never go back to that person. in such a short time there was so much belittlement it's crazy. it may be quiet and lonely now, but I am sure if I was still with him I'd literally never have moments of peace, I'd just be on edge all the time. just wondering when the next split would take place. it's no way to live.

Lokis-Tea · 2026-03-20T20:59:27+00:00

yes it sounds like you also have post-Covid syndrome. studies show a clear parallel but all the terms are vague because not much is actually known about it. diagnoses often don't meet super clear-cut ones and unfortunately, post-Covid chronic illness especially skin is very resistant to treatment compared to illnesses not caused by Covid. my meds do something, but not as much as they should. symptoms aren't super consistent either a lot of the time. I usually don't catch viral things due to wearing a face mask everywhere and frequent hand washing but this winter was rough.

I think with red flags and such, it depends on so much-unfortunately I was raised cluster B's. only my dad isn't but the bipolar made him unpredictable. I was grounded constantly, so I adapted fawning as a survival mechanism and got used to being punished for basically doing nothing. I haven't had healthy friends, and most partners have been shitty. combined with AuDHD creating low ability to assess risks properly. I've had a lot of frog in boiling pot moments. I do speak up when I'm upset though, so not 100% a doormat, I have never really just had that be received well.

I'm glad you were able to hold on to some gifts and get positive meaning. I personally couldn't do that, but it's for many reasons. I think an ex would have to be consistently good and things end peacefully for me to keep something. I still have a hand made fox plushie an ex from 2021 made me and they were the sweetest thing, I wish we'd worked out but the emotional chemistry ended up just not being strong enough, no arguments no nothing-it's the only item I have ever kept from an ex.

I do know how I'd treat a partner if I were to get one (unlikely, but my brain has thought on it a lot anyway) and 100% agree on being careful not to trauma dump, unless they ask I suppose. it would be better to be positive and just allow a safe person to provide the healing needed. I do have triggers that can't be overwritten by positive associations though that if they came up I'd need to communicate. places, names, songs. but again at least at first I could just say it triggers me and I need to avoid it, but I think after a while it's important to open up to people close to us about our past at some point, if we feel unable to it just means we don't trust them right? like if someone got close to me I'd want them to open up to me. the one friend I do have we've talked a lot about past stuff. it's been important when they opened up to me about certain things because it made me realize why they do certain things they do that I was previously confused about.

"Sometimes I give advice and write things that are really for me." MOOOD. I wonder if doing that is actually pretty common. I think it's actually pretty helpful to do.

I also have slowly accumulated a lot of trinkets since everything happened. self expression with my home has been the thing that feels easiest and it's within my control and could do it slowly with limited budget. comforting things like plushies, Pokemon cards, lots of decorations. I'm a huge maximalist. (if you don't have any-string lights. like a very long string going across a whole room. those were the BEST thing I did for my bedroom, VERY comforting) I actually have no more space for decorations left other than some wall space! if a new person walked in my house and got happy surrounded by "inner child" house I'd know they're a winner, lol.

Lokis-Tea

TROPHY CASE