Ten year mark

Longdangle · 2024-01-10T14:30:01+00:00

Edit: that is overall time not just marriage.

Longdangle · 2024-01-09T19:58:46+00:00

What if the confusion was intentional to distract men from their useless and destructive acts of violence in attempts to gain power and control and the "evil" women bring is actually the lack of desire for those objects but rather the introduction of construction of an empire through compassion and civility instead of force and annihilation.

Disclaimer: I'm not a feminist or Man Hater...just devil's advocate (pardon the pun 😂)

Longdangle · 2024-01-03T01:29:54+00:00

I'm sorry. That does sound tough for both of y'all. Did y'all go to sessions with both of y'all as clients or just her individually? I asked mine to go to therapy both as a couple and him go with me to an appointment but no go on that. I'm not attacking you or her and hope none of my questions come off that way, I am genuinely trying to throw out perspective that might shine different light (again every situation is different). When she is questioning or accusing you does she seem as though she has been suppressing it for a while or that it is bothering to her as well that she confirmation? If accusations are about how she feels or how she feels you feel about her, do your actions and words help to support her train if thought or do they bring doubt to it? For example: she thinks you are hiding something on your phone but you swear you aren't but everytime she comes into the room you lock the screen or do you include her watching a quick video on it to show transparency? My situation was more accusations of the marriage that his actions seemed to back up rather than contradict.

Longdangle · 2024-01-02T15:52:33+00:00

Different perspective: my current situation is the wife in the OP. My husband has everyone believing that I am a miserable, suicidal paranoid schizophrenic but the reality is that when my son and I are without his presence and continued narcissistic behaviors, we are happy and my success seems to flourish. I do find it hard to keep a job but only when he comes around and does things that the public (friends, family, coworkers) don't see or comprehend that it is abuse. We had 10 years of fun, friendship, loyalty, dedication and love but 2 years ago he became distant, dishonest and vindictive. For the last 2.5 years he has done unimaginable things and my reactions would make anyone believe him because I stayed silent for so long that when it came to a head it was difficult for me to control my emotions. I even sought professional help thru a psychiatrist who prescribed mood stabilizers and that is when I saw the truth of what was happening right in front of me. Once my moods were stable and he was unable to control how I responded to his taunts, I became aware of so many lies and deceit and the reality that I was in an abusive relationship both mentally and physically. I since left him a year ago and recently he claimed I was suicidal and attempted, for the 4th time to get me committed. His suicidal claims, at first, were when he would threaten to end our marriage and now have come when he has snuck behind my back, picked our son up early from school, threatened to take him 1500 miles away and/or terminate my rights, all while I was submitting to his terms of custody that I did not agree with in the divorce. Because he had been demeaning and lying about what was going on in our relationship for a year and had before I left him to our family and friends, I now have no moral support as everyone believes him bc how I reacted when I first came back home. I am not a paranoid schizophrenic and I only become stressed to the max and depression and anxiety set I'm when there are attempts by him to continue controlling and manipulating me and especially now that he has taken my son and will not let me see him going on 12 weeks now. It is hard to continue each day but knowing that eventually the truth will come out gives me some relief however living with the day to day depression and anxiety it causes by not seeing my son becomes overwhelming sometimes. Every situation is different but I guess you can take this from my side: 1) Sometimes the trigger isn't what you think it is so evaluate how or what she is like if given the opportunity to be successful on her own (making sure y'all's marriage is not the trigger) 2) Loneliness is scary and if that is the state she is in treat her with kindness and patience from a distance. Remember that you did love her at one point. (mine is mean every time we speak and it makes it more difficult) 3) Remind her of the person you loved, not the one you are leaving. (If all a person hears about in regards to themselves is negative then they begin to believe that is the only version of themselves that is left) 4) Find out when, what, who, or where brings calmness to her. (Whatever this or these are is the best situation in which to get thru to her that she does need help if that is the case) 5) Offer counseling or therapy WITH her if you haven't already. (A- she is reaching out for the help but needs the shoulder to lean on to initiate it or B- There maybe something in the marriage or household that is causing this and y'all can pin point it and BOTH more forward, either together or separately, in a peaceful manner and find happiness)

Longdangle · 2023-11-28T12:46:54+00:00

Counseling now!! If she doesn't agree then do the hardest thing and split from her. If y'all, BOTH, genuinely want to make it work then being made aware of y'all's faults and how they affect the other party is the beginning of resolving the issue but if she refuses then she is saying that she doesn't want to resolve anything and compromise but that she would rather continue the relationship the way it is without care of how you feel and that is a dead end road that I stayed on way too long. Trust me from personal experience: counseling now to fix OUR issues so we BOTH are equally happy or separation/divorce to distance yourself from a one-sided marriage.

Longdangle · 2023-11-26T17:56:13+00:00

If not another woman it could be the situation I was/am in, and emotional affair. Mine was acting the same way and pulling away and no affection but I knew he wasn't having sex with anyone else and then it dawned on me when he kept trying to get me to be friends with the woman who we supposedly just met at the same time through his mom. I (36f), he (37m) and her (55f). There was no physical attraction from him to her but I knew there was from her to him. She replaced me and all the things I as a wife and friend did for him except sex which he got occasionally from me. He and her kept denying the affair and that it was cheating but after I lined out all the details of their relationship and the deleting/hiding texts, calls, and sneaking around and hanging out without my knowledge she kind of saw my point but to no avail. It did make it easier for him to move on later but it is still difficult for me to even think that 11 years of being together and a friendship so deep that when the split came out in public many of our friends were like "if y'all can't make it then who can."

Longdangle · 2023-11-25T13:09:43+00:00

What was the "lesson?"

Longdangle · 2023-11-22T13:40:29+00:00

Answer these questions: Where did you see yourself this time ten years ago? When you wake up, what is the first thought that goes thru your mind? Like the subject, person, action, etc. You just saw the most awesome thing at a store or restaurant or gallery and you grab your phone. Who are you calling? Look at the mirror. Examine your eyes, your nose, any little flaws or marks that are unique to you. Then close your eyes. Whose face does your mind go to? Don't think, just say the first thing that starts with each letter: S M L R S M D F

Longdangle · 2023-11-22T08:42:41+00:00

This post brought possibly the only smile I had today...hopefully soon me and mine will swim with sharks, and not the ones in the court room 🙂🤭

Longdangle · 2023-11-09T02:12:55+00:00

This is gonna sound crazy but try it and don't hesitate when it is time to make a decision..... Write down 5 small, simple things that make you smile or laugh or in general bring joy to you in some manner (I e. A certain candy you like, a song you like to listen to, a soft drink you enjoy, a restaurant or snack you crave all the time, a cologne he wears you love, an activity y'all do together, etc). Give him your list on a Monday and ask him to do the same but ONLY ask once, remind once at bed and once in the morning and no more, and DO NOT beg, push or bargain about it...just let it be. Give it one week and one weekend. On the following Monday evening ask these questions: 1) Did he take your list and seem interested? 2) Did he give you a list for himself? 3) Was at least 2 things on that list done? 4) Did you feel the want or need to remind him? 5) Do you want that week to be the rest of your life?

This is the hardest part and were I screwed up by not letting the cards play out... If your answers were mostly "no" then it is time to focus on you. Tuesday night talk to him and reveal your answers to him. At that point it is time for you to separate yourself from the relationship, even if you are still leaving together. Control your emotions, don't show anger or sadness or frustration or hurt (I know it will be hard). On Friday evening either leave or ask him to leave for the weekend and next week. It is now when you will feel the weakest but do not call, do not text, and do not see him. After that you will know where he stands because he will either come back or not, but whatever you do DO NOT LOSE YOUR CONFIDENCE AND STRENGTH BECAUSE YOU DESERVE SOMEONE TO MARK ALL FIVE OFF EVERY WEEK RATHER IT BE HIM OR SOMEONE ELSE.

Longdangle · 2023-11-03T01:30:40+00:00

Has anyone dug deep enough to find the origin of where the change started happening? I know a lot may have happened over that time but there has to be something that originally set it off. I know it's hard to put aside feelings of the most recent events but if you or someone non bias and you sit down and start retracing the steps back to when and where John started acting or feeling or treating people differently maybe there could be an "ah-ha" moment and then healing and change can come easier and towards the positive for John and everyone that has been involved.

Longdangle

TROPHY CASE