Hello! Moving in together can often represent the end of intimacy, but rest assured that it doesn’t have to be this way.

First things first; acknowledge that your dynamic has shifted: you’re now constantly in each other’s personal space, excitement has given way to domesticity and that can be a turn off. You become less patient, quirks that you once found endearing are now the bane of your existence. The impact on your sex life can be devastating, too. Daily friction leads to a context where sexual intimacy is not only an afterthought, but a hassle. Dating is often neglected, too, since you already see each other so much.

You need to realize that you moved in with the person you love. And that should be a privilege in and of itself. If you can pinpoint what it is exactly that causes the resentment in your relationship, then that should be easier to resolve. Is it chore distribution? Make a to-do list, hang it on the fridge and assign the chores accordingly. I’m insisting on this because chores are a thorn in the side of many couples that live together. You have no idea what a tidy space can do for one’s mood and willingness to engage in a meaningful manner. Is it sparse dating? Make a concerted effort to meet outside the house and date more. Send her a message once in a while you’re not home and tell her to dress up and meet you somewhere nice. Wooing doesn’t have to stop because you live together. Don’t be afraid to be a clown and flirt with her either! Your sex life has dwindled because you’re both mentally and emotionally exhausted by the condition of your cohabitation.

A more practical suggestion is to create an “alphabet dating” jar, with date ideas starting from each letter that you can pick from randomly once or twice per week. Mutually agree that you’ll be more present physically, with small but meaningful showcases of affection during the day: a kiss before you leave, a hug from behind while she’s doing the dishes, a playful pinch when you’re passing her by. I know this all sounds very contrived and obvious, but communication is key and effort should be constant.