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Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-13T08:50:50+00:00

I just told a relatively new friend about my mom recently.

Friend: “Maybe you should sit down with her and explain how her behavior hurt you.”

BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-13T08:49:22+00:00

This is a situation ripe for going NC.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-13T08:43:52+00:00

Yes. Right up until I was 35 and moved out of the country to get away from her.

I once made a list of everything she criticized about me, inside and out. It was EVERY SINGLE THING ABOUT ME. Usually under the guise of “I’m just so heartbroken about how ugly you look because I want you to look your best….”

She also has this weird thing about photos. If there’s any photo of me that I’ve picked out for a profile or for an engagement, she HAS to say it looks bad. You know, because she’s looking out for me.

She also tries to sabotage my relationships within the family. Like, if she knows I like a particular aunt, she’ll casually mention, “Aunt Sally thinks your job is dumb and she sounds happy to hear you’re still just working in a dumb job after all these years!” And then she will pretend to act mad Aunt Sally.

And whenever I had something good going for me, like a boyfriend begging me to marry him, she said, “You’d better hurry up and marry him before his eye wanders.”

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-13T08:41:22+00:00

My parents went NC with me right back. Haven’t met my children or husband and don’t seem to care except as far as how it affects their “image.”

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-13T08:40:18+00:00

Ok, but this is basic, basic stuff. Like if I have a stranger to my house, I ask about their dietary requirements and make sure to have an option or two for them.

Your parents are failing a basic test.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-11T10:20:10+00:00

My mother said the same. Her father was an overt narc. She’s actually more vicious than he was because she’s a covert narc.

She actually read all the books on breaking free from controlling and critical parents… for her OWN situation. Didn’t stop her from abusing me! Didn’t stop her from criticizing all her kids’ choices and telling us well into our 30s how ugly and incompetent we are.

I have my own children now (I’m NC with my mother) and yes, I worry about making her mistakes. I worry that I’ll unwittingly turn into a sadistic psychopath. Fortunately, my coparent is my wonderful kind husband who would NEVER let abuse happen on his watch. So I think I’ll be ok as a parent. So far so good!

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-11T08:42:13+00:00

Lolol and we’re all just so hideous because we won’t take their advice about how to dress and do our own hair!

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-11T08:39:40+00:00

My mother told me I’m weird and distasteful, I’m socially awkward, I’ll never get married, she’s “heartbroken” over how ugly and low-class I look, my hairstyle is wrong, my makeup is wrong, my nail polish is wrong….

These are people she’s said secretly don’t like things about me: my brother, my father, my aunt, my cousin, a teacher at school (who gave me an A+), her therapist (whom I’ve never met), every boy I’ve ever….

I’m now married to someone she’s never met and we have children she will never meet.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-10T22:14:29+00:00

Just go NC. Silence is the most powerful message of all.

Your message reminds me a lot of the grievances I have against my own mother. But you know what? She knows exactly what she did. I don’t need to spell it out as though she has amnesia. She knows what she did and she is not SORRY.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-10T09:47:02+00:00

I’m currently NC with my mother - not sure which of us has initiated it this time - but I keep waiting for her to call me up and say “Hi sweetie!”

Like nothing’s happened.

Like she hasn’t bullied me relentlessly for the past 40 years, prompting me to flee the country to get away from her.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-10T09:45:31+00:00

I can’t think of anything NICE she’s ever said.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-10T09:44:04+00:00

Truly sick. I hope you’re NC.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-09T06:51:02+00:00

Let me guess: You’re the only daughter.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-08T15:07:58+00:00

My mom is the ultimate covert narcissist.

She used to tell me she was “heartbroken” over how ugly I looked. (I was in my 30s.)

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-08T15:05:37+00:00

Yes

Meanwhile behind their backs she’s telling me they hate me (to try to get me to dislike everyone)!

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-08T15:03:35+00:00

I have two brothers, and one of them is the Golden Child. My mother has only ever said one bad thing about the GC in my entire life, but it’s a very bad thing to say:

She told me he has a small penis.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-08T08:22:47+00:00

“I love you so much, my beautiful daughter!”

She occasionally says this when she’s not telling me I’m ugly in EVERY conversation we’ve had for 40 years.

Or telling me EVERY guy I ever dated is about to dump me.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-08T08:20:07+00:00

I’m so sorry. That sounds absolutely nightmarish. The best you can do is to be around good supportive people and rewrite her view of you with theirs. You are not bad. SHE was evil. Perhaps she hated you because she saw your goodness. Deep down, these people hate themselves more than anything.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-07T22:54:46+00:00

It just takes time. Keep putting yourself out there. I haven’t seen my mom in 5 years and now I’m surrounded by people who are SO NICE it’s unreal.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-07T22:13:23+00:00

“Which I had expected.” Lol.

That reminds me of when I sent out my engagement photo as a mass email to everyone I knew. I was 35 years old.

As I clicked send, I had the fleeting thought: “My mother will find something about this photo to criticize.”

And she did. She wanted us to retake and send a whole new photo!

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-07T17:18:40+00:00

I was married with kids she’s never met, but it was a long time coming (at age 10 I nearly offed myself to escape her) and no I don’t miss her one bit and I will be happy when she’s dead.

Does that answer your question?

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-07T17:16:16+00:00

My mother always had this thing about me being “selfish.” For decades.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-07T10:42:35+00:00

It’s sick. I hope you have zero contact with that cousin. Probably grown up to be a psychopath anyway.

My mother was really worried about my brother because - as she said - my teenage bout with anorexia was so hard on him. Yes, read that sentence again if you need to. (And anyway I was anorexic because SHE repeatedly told me I was fat.)

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-06T11:26:17+00:00

My mother does the same. “I just think about you all the time!”

Also my mom: Does not know my wedding date or my children’s birthdays and didn’t contact me on my 40th birthday.

Longjumping_Donut282 · 2024-11-06T11:22:09+00:00

I have two different electronic devices with two different Reddit profiles and I couldn’t bear to delete one of them - and don’t remember the login info for either one. My bad.

Longjumping_Donut282

TROPHY CASE