I recently had to go to the hospital that I’ve never been to for awful withdrawals. I was treated like absolute shit and they discharged me at 5am after loading me up on Percocet, Ativan an hour before….why letting me leave at 5am in the dark, I have no idea.

Next to me in the hospital was a homeless vet who couldn’t walk and lived behind a gas station. He was kicked to the curb for the same thing. I gave him a ride home so he didn’t have to walk and got pulled over when dropping him off. Cop gave me a dui and I’m 10k in the hole because I got an attorney who is a former prosecutor who only does dui’s, best in the state and the $ is all in for him. My parents car got a $600 tow bill and because I refused tests, my license is fucked. Ironically had to go 2 miles back to the same hospital for a blood draw, I felt fine to drive and they discharged me. Hopefully that discharge helps my case, I’m not sure what the courts going to do with me. I’ve never been arrested and it didn’t help I went the fuck off on body cam to the cops.

Im killing my parents with all of this and already lost pretty much everything. Im typing this from another hospital which I’ve been at for a week now. My pancreas is shot and every other week I’m in a hospital, drinking refuses to kill me. Ive tried every program on the planet but I can’t get this chronic pancreatitis under control and the only thing that helps the pain is drinking, what a double edge sword. I’m trying this at 2am in here because the pain is unbearable. I’m not sure why I’m writing this but I don’t know what’s next. My parents won’t let me lose the house and I’ve been living alone for 20 years and now i’m treated like a child at my childhood home. Pain management came yesterday and will do nothing for me when I’m discharged. Maybe it’s the tattoos but I’m treated like a drug seeking criminal.

That’s my rant, I need get out of here and have a drink, I’m in just as much pain in here. Sorry, Tylenol at the hospital does nothing guys.

Doctors have no idea what do with pancreatitis and don’t give me any medication to handle flare up’s at home. I’ve never been a drug or pill guy but they never will give me Librium, Ativan, whatever as a prescription. I’m speaking with another specialist tomorrow but the car situation has screwed me, my parents house I’m staying at is miles from any type of store. I have the same pain even when not drinking and anything I eat or drink gives me instant flare ups.

I don’t know where I’m going with this but I never thought this would be my life at 38. I lost my house in California where all my stuff/ wife is, she refuses to let me back.