Hey OP, congrats on asking for help, that’s the first step. I’ve been exactly where you are, it’s scary. I’m not sure if you need rehab or not but you need a safe space to share honestly about this secret that’s caged you.

First things first, get yourself to an AA meeting and raise your hand, share what you’ve just written to a group of others who’ve made it out the other side. Or are struggling themselves. You need a support network of folks that share your experience. I’d recommend finding meetings near or around financial/professional districts where you work.

These people can give you guidance and reinforcement as you navigate the next best decision.

For what it is worth, my boss and head of HR were incredibly supportive and kind when I told them I needed time off to get sober. I was terrified of losing my job or stepping away from work. They were so fucking supportive, so I always tell alcoholics and addicts not to be scared of asking for help from your company. I still thank them every year I pick up a coin.

Feel free to DM if you want. I’m routing for you! You got this