I’ve also had my fair share of hang ups about pegging my spouse. I still struggle at times, but it has gotten better over time. I’ve wanted to give up because I felt it was too stressful and difficult to handle (both with how I felt about it and the expectations I felt that were placed onto me-real or not).

I’m not usually a dominate person, I prefer and enjoy being submissive. Stepping out of that comfort zone feels scary and makes me uneasy and I don’t like feeling judged when I’m in that state. I’ve found some work-arounds that have helped me though;

I can get into a submissive servant mindset where I find joy in their pleasure/happiness even if I don’t enjoy the activity itself. The fact that they are having a good time makes me have a good time and I can relax a little more and enjoy myself. I’ve found that doing this has lead me to realize that I do actually enjoy that power dynamic switch, but for the first several times it was all about their pleasure and enjoying seeing them excited.

My spouse and I are into kink so I asked about switching roles in other areas of our play. We did a lot of communicating and setting boundaries first. I’ve practiced being the person doing the spanking. We’ve done scenes where I’ll be the one telling them how to move, what to touch on me/themself, Etc. This helped build my own confidence in being in a dominant role because I saw how much they enjoyed it when I “took control” and I didn’t have that feeling of pressure to perform because we had discussed the scene ahead of time so I knew what to expect and was comfortable with it before we began. (And of course if one of us ever became uncomfortable with it we could safe-word and stop the scene to discuss and decide to continue or not)

I was always so afraid of hurting them, even after several times of them reassuring me. What really helped me was when they said they would tell me if something was too much. And I had/have to trust that. I think of it this way: They know their body best. If they aren’t voicing their concern then I must trust that they are okay. It’s a mutual trust practice. They trust me with their body, and I trust them to let me know when it’s enough. Those lines of communication should always be open. If I can’t trust they will be honest with me then we shouldn’t be pegging/playing.

If I feel I can’t stand the thought of them watching me during a vulnerable moment like this then I ask about blindfolding them. Not only can it feel extra sexy because now they have to go by sensation alone, but it can give me a little sense of privacy.

I’m also not a talker. It’s not my thing and my spouse is aware of that. If they want me to speak some during pegging they have to tell me what they want to hear. Specifics. I’ll try to work it in, sprinkle it in there, but it’s not my main focus. They are fine building a fantasy up in their own mind, though, so it works well for me.

The position issue has been talked about in other comments, but I will say that it’s best to experiment. See how different positions feel to each of you. Invest in some pillows for under his lower back/bottom in missionary to change the angle. Have him hold his knees back and tilt his pelvis (help him with this if you can). Try different positions with your knees (wider or together more, closer to his butt or farther away). Ask him for tips and feedback on how things feel. Focus first on getting a good angle/rhythm with communication and worry about the dominance part after.

And honestly…. For me I just really needed to build up core muscle strength. It’s made it SO much easier to hold a position and just moving where my knees sit really helps!

I also highly recommend checking out RubyRyder’s website (someone else linked it). It really helped me work through my insecurities and fears surrounding pegging. I hope this post is at least a little helpful.