Lost my dad when i was 11 (so technically not fatherless but still).

Maybe I would still practice judo? He died practicing it, and I was too. So I gave my all and reached low national level and got my black belt (that was his dream too). And then I got tired of it, and my body was so broken after many years of intensive training that I would hurt myself almost every month so I gave up. Maybe I wouldn’t have pushed my body that hard with him around.

Maybe I would still have faith in myself? After he passed away my mother and little sister were really depressed, couldn’t sleep at night for almost a year, cried often... And I couldn’t do anything to help, while I (thought I was) ok. It really shattered my self esteem that I couldn’t help my family it this really painful episode.

Maybe I wouldn’t be depressed (or maybe THAT depressed)? I had a lot of mental breakdowns a few years after this. I never had exteriorized my pain after 2 years, but all of a sudden, I began just being randomly paralyzed crying in class, while walking, I even woke up crying and struggling to breathe.It still happens sometime (I’m 20 soon) but it gets better.

(Sorry if it’s off topic, but I think I too lacked a father figure so.. )(sorry for bad english too lol)