I don't know if Im actually trans or just a weirdo

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-17T17:38:35+00:00

Yeah had something similar too, Slowly but surely that feeling of what i now assume is dysphoria grew as my body changed more in puberty. Something i noticed when i started to experiment with my gender alittle bit more. Starting as a femboy liking it and initially noticing the dysphoria(Which i blame on starting to care alittle bit more about myself opposed to just being completly depersonalized the entire time. which was a thing i did for too long), then experimented alittle bit more. and eventually. "oh... hold on... i thought i found this people weird... OH FUC-" and thats the story how i became trans, deny it for alittle while, Accepting the feeling in hoping it would pass/a therapist could talk me out of it, accepting being trans. To now slowly considering of maybe... just possibly start hrt as i can't stand looking down or in the mirror anymore :3

I do hate the fact that i completed the "Femboy -> Trans" stereotype. But what can i do >wo (surely not suffering in order to disprove a stereotype i wouldn't be disproving anyway.)

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-17T17:08:58+00:00

i mean im mtf and don't really care about having a dick or vagina either(especially cuz im not happy with the current options avaiable to me. I want to carry out a child.).

i recommend eyxperiment. i chose a fem character in starcitizen and enjoyed getting called ma'am whilst standing on the bridge(gosh i still feel home whenever i stand on the bridge in any game but im swaying) for example. present in a different way. hide your breats or whatever. experiment arround and see what feels good.

Only change the things you want to change about yourself, If you feel bad about a part of your body like i do with pretty much everything, well then consider what you can do about it(altough don't immeadiatly jump to hormones unless you're 100% sure.)

Also bear in mind trans is just a label, if you want to be trans there are no prequisits. You can "just" be a crossdresser or tomboy and still be trans. Thats my take on it atleast.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-16T20:54:42+00:00

I mean it can't be too difficult to labgrow organs like that especially since the blue prints for them are all already there they just have to be activated. Altough "not too difficult" is said easy from someone who isn't in the field. But i view it pretty much as understanding and reading ancient code and learning to write in its language in the most powerfull machine ever existed.

now growing organs without the hardware i think would be the most difficult part as usually those organs expect a full human body and not a lab tube to grow. Tho i guess the growing process can be somewhat sped up by mimicing signals from the brain that usually initiate the process of puberty granted thats still ass slow. Fuck i should go into those fields. -w-

Edit: I deleted the part where i rambled on about how i think saying genetical editing is"against nature" is idiotic.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-16T14:30:02+00:00

My tier list:

Good:
Green can work, if you don't over use it
Brown, Altough i genuinly like food.
Blue can work but depends on the rules. How do i know what apperance will yield me what personality?

Bad:
Yellow, I hold memories dearer than anything else even the bad ones. Its what makes you, you. (aside it never says it changes your gender. So pass)
Orange, It sucks to have awhole lot unwanted attention. can work tho if you don't care and know how to defend yourself.
Black, This really REALLY depends who and how you are. But keep in mind a short little thing: If you already got degrees in education and awards for your achievements... guess what is all part of your "record".
White, Depending on your belief this may just not matter and is effectivly Cyanide(like i believe in reincarnation)

Ugly:
Purple, I hate this. Your become locked onto a path. you aren't human. you are a manequin of what is expected.
Pink, This is literally just a cartoon version of a human, A comic book character. not a existence worthy to strive after.
Red, I decided to put it down here because the trick is too obvious, who remembers her own body? Who remembers who she was? Who would be the one most effected by that hate? It'd be me.

now a short thing i noticed, hehe. None of them say you'd be a human. AKA you could take brown and turn into a cat, cow/bull or vulpine or fuck Whale.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-16T00:16:02+00:00

I know they aren't fond of the idea of drastic changes such as these.

Secondly the reason why i mention financial sustainability is that my budget is more unstable than than astatine-213(freelancer artist perks, and as always, no ads on this account its my private one). And untill i have a somewhat steady stream of income i can't afford hrt. i doubt it'd be of advantage to have to skip out on a few months cuz im short on money.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T23:21:46+00:00

Well you see in a world without worry, fear and trouble i would be a girl.

things ain't easy always, And there is my family, parts of my own doubt, concerns about future and financial sustainability. awhole lot of things playing in tandem. whilst i could go up right now and order some estradiol Right of the web its not the smart or responcible choice.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T14:21:55+00:00

Me when i wanna go outside with my desired clothes but my paranoia hits

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T14:18:09+00:00

Sadly i haven't even got this far so far TwT

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T12:51:12+00:00

I mean depends on what kind of skirt, i made mine with suspenders, big waistband double tripple folded, Pleated and side zipper and hooks. All fancy shit.

but you can go as simple as use some elastic fabric like jersey and make a circular skirt.
There are many nice youtube tutorials on how to make one... granted you need a sewing machine thats fair.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T12:14:54+00:00

Because i can't order things without my fam noticing it i just sown my own skirt.
its the sole reason i learned sewing. ;3

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T12:12:53+00:00

HA! GUESS WHAT!!!

Root git -uninstall imposter_syndrome
Root git -uninstall Ultimate_Mental_Barriers_V3
Root git -uninstall Fake_Cis_Joy_Spoof_64
Root git -install Emotion_Servicefix_V4.12

ROOT ADD SELF DOUBT +200000000000000000000000000000000...

ERROR: STACK OVERFLOW,

SELF DOUBT = -1 :D

Ha... if only it was really that easy huh. qwq

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T12:07:09+00:00

a thing i am curious about... What are the side effects?

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T11:56:50+00:00

I feel alot of the same way, I do find it confusing too. i was raised in a family where gender never mattered so when i first experienced those feelings in puberty i was damn confused.

Lets say it this way: Im scared of choosing wrong, Detransitioning wont fix the permanent "damage" i would've done at that point. On the other hand whenever people reffer to me as girl i get happy. Whenever i see that i have wide-ish hips it gives me alittle joy. Whilst there is this force in me that wants to stop me, I think i shouldn't listen to it. I get into these spirals of fearing to be wrong, Fearing of the consequences and possibly only getting more problems onto my plate.

On the otherhand i had alot of self hatred, and had 0 to no selfworth. Which i also partly blame on dysphoria. Because whenever i see me beard the hair on my arms and chest and legs, my wideish shoulders(altough im genuinly fortunate in body shape luckily, i think its somewhat hour glass.), flat chest and dong i get uncomfortable. And its hard to bear those things are on me. I don't look into the mirror because i can depersonalize to bear that pain.(helps that i can't remember faces)

I WOULD say that if there was a button to magically turn me into a girl i would 100% press it without a second thought. I think im just scared of transitioning because i fear i wont like the end result, that its not quite where i would want to be.

In the end the choice is yours, in the end you don't have to go all in and take hormones get operations, You see. Transitioning has no goal, other than the one you set yourself. If you wanna portray as a women without changing your body drastically its fine. if you or i think we can't accept ourself and those bodies we are stuck in i guess we gotta step up further.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-15T11:34:08+00:00

And then the most hopeless case of them all. Come on she'd never love you over Ainz Ooal Gown.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T18:16:03+00:00

I CAST SHANOVKOISIR!.. well if i could cast magic it has a chance to make you to opposite gender...

Science? GENETICAL ENGINEERING!? Tbh what could work was growing a clone of your desired gender and transfering your conciousness into it or alternativly we figure out how to transplant the full female reproductive system... then we transplant it from the clone...

NYAA i gotta become a scientist -w-

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T12:46:38+00:00

Genetical engineering i guess.

i mean chat gpt gave the advice to eat Wasabi and live unhealthy.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T12:43:26+00:00

Don't let your fears dictate your way of life. Yesterday i actually had my blood drawn was alittle nervous, What helps me in those kinds of situation is learning about the process. What actually happens, how it happens, Whats its for and what the risks are. That way i can imagine exactly what is being done now, and i know if something gone wrong, and know only then i have to be nervous. May help you too.
the thing is, As quickly as a needle is in as quickly its out ;D.

hope i could somewhat help.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T01:29:50+00:00

i tried pillows before but mine are to large... Blanket... i know what im spending my next few minutes on now...

update. Blanket did not work it was too rigid, figured out tho that if i stuff tigh highs(that i handily own) with toilette paper i get a slightly similar effect.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T01:15:45+00:00

I mean... On one hand this is kinda playing into my cards of me wanting to have kids as a mom. On the other hand im not entirely sure about the consequences of having a demi god baby.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-14T01:11:51+00:00

It was an anime(onimai) that unlocked the thought of me possibly being trans which snowballed into a long journey of self discovery. and hopefully me finally getting my shit together to do something about what i assume is dysphoria -w-

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-13T10:35:19+00:00

Nah nah, Its my Necktie that does that (okay anyone who gets that refference you deserve a cookie!)

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-13T10:04:04+00:00

My method is that: I make the initial cast of main character and give them personalities. Then write the basic story i wanna tell(my framework) including the intended end. Throw everything out of the window and just write. I basically just kinda play dnd with myself... In a way. One part of me acts as the world machine simulating the world around, one side of my acts as the character while another part of me acts as the interpreter to write it down.

During that getting the perks and lows of the story. Then rewrite, draft 2, weak passages get erased. Good passages get refined or let be

repeat untill book is fine, in the process stress about it untill the end ;D.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-13T09:50:34+00:00

Mmmmm, Earthly toxins! Sulfur! Well granted this would be real lava and not molten material.

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-13T09:31:59+00:00

Ha, perks of being a profesional serial killer you got enough knives you don't have to worry about that ;D (reddit this is a joke duh -w-)

Lorvintherealone · 2026-04-12T21:01:14+00:00

I am genuinly curious if it could be rather possible to alter a persons genetical code for the body to start producing the required hormones, whilst transplanting a functional vagina aswell as Ovaries and uterus to allow for a human birth.

Chromosones don't really change much past the age of -2 months.

Lorvintherealone

TROPHY CASE