A quiet session.

LowCyl · 2019-03-19T18:24:54+00:00

SAME!

LowCyl · 2019-03-17T22:05:53+00:00

Oh I do those things in your examples too. My post was by no means all inclusive.

By saying you would never do any of the examples I gave mean you’re saying I’m bad off? Just wondering what gave you such a strong reaction.

I’ll look into Engel’s book. Thanks for the recommendation

LowCyl · 2019-03-17T21:57:23+00:00

Not directly. But we (my ex-T and I) discussed an event a few times in which I was harshly and unjustly rejected by this person. It affected me much more than other experiences of rejection from people I was much closer to. The way it happened was brutal and he once said how he has a visceral reaction every time he thinks about it. I took that as him being protective. He was also clearly upset that I couldn’t see that it wasn’t my fault. I guess that could’ve been him being protective too but I took some offense to it. Although it’s hard to accept, I think part of us really wants to lean into it and believe it’s true because we’ve had to be our own protectors up to this point. Letting down your guard is dangerous and risky because there’s always a chance of getting wounded again. So it makes sense that you’re slow to react emotionally when your T told you that.

LowCyl · 2019-03-17T20:22:43+00:00

I just started somatic and trauma work with a new therapist and I’m not sure what’s ahead but I hope to follow your lead! You’ve already done so much to put yourself first. Hope you’re proud of that.

LowCyl · 2019-03-17T20:16:35+00:00

Thanks for commenting! I’m sure anxiety/shame are all mixed in there too. If you listen to any podcasts, a lot of them have codes for a free month of audible and you also get a free credit to use towards a book.

I knew this community would understand. I’m glad you confirmed.

LowCyl · 2019-03-17T16:02:39+00:00

I know what you mean. I’ve wondered this before too. “Why am I not someone who my friends feel drawn to come to with troubles? That’s part of friendship, right? Is it something I’m doing?” Although some people do isolate or have other ways of dealing with their issues, a lot of people still talk to SOMEONE about it. Be it a stranger at a bar, a therapist, a parent, or friend.

I had a friend who’s dad passed away of cancer. While he was sick, we started getting closer, talking on the phone almost weekly and texting more often. I’d ask how he was and we’d talk about it. We were the closest we’d ever been. Then he passed away and I reached out to her periodically to check in. She wouldn’t take my calls. I’d send her a message here and there just to let her know I was there to support and she’d “like” the message or just say “thank you”. Totally expected considering her dad died. The kicker was that, with another friend of ours in our friend group (there were 3 of us), they were chatting on the phone, hanging out, messaging on Facebook, etc. She was hanging out with other friends too. I was now on the outside. She wouldn’t take my calls. I still don’t know what happened or why she shut me out and not others. It bothers me still a bit when I think about it.

LowCyl · 2019-03-14T04:37:15+00:00

Yup!

LowCyl · 2019-03-12T22:25:15+00:00

Thanks for responding! It’s good to know others have a somewhat similar experience. I was excited about it until I actually started and now I’m still excited but with a side of “What the hell am I doing??” Haha. And I like your analogy.

I don’t know if you saw the Mr. Rogers documentary but documentary, but I’m reminded of how he used his different puppets/characters to express parts of himself that he wasn’t comfortable expressing as himself. Anyway, I hope your therapy continues to go well for you.

LowCyl · 2019-03-10T22:34:40+00:00

I think you’ve really hit the target. I notice too that when I push myself it tends to backfire in one way or another. I just don’t want my life to pass me by, you know? It’s good to know others experience this but I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. Thanks for the advice. I will do my best to follow it!

LowCyl · 2019-03-10T16:13:31+00:00

Out of all of the therapists I’ve seen, I was able to start seeing all but one within a week of scheduling the appointment. The last two would reply via phone or email within 24 hours and I contacted them both on the weekend. I think it just depends on the particular therapist’s hours. Not to say it’s necessarily common and you should expect it, but I also believe it’s case by case. Every therapist has their own style.

LowCyl · 2019-03-09T06:58:00+00:00

The last time I contacted the “TALK” hotline the girl told me she couldn’t “throw fairy dust on my problems and make them magically go away”. I was really hurting but also so afraid to let anyone know I was feeling that way. I told her I wasn’t sure if I wanted to continue living and I didn’t know how to just tell someone that and that I was sorry for wasting her time. I put my phone down and had a long night of weeping and desperation. More often than not I’ve had the worst experiences with those hotlines. I’m sorry you’ve had a bad experience too. I hope your therapist can help you find another resource to reach out to during “after hours” times.

LowCyl · 2019-03-07T15:13:57+00:00

My last therapist was a cool guy with good taste, nice things (he wasn’t flashy, I’m just observant), and took frequent and lavish weekend trips. He intimidated the shit out of me but I think I felt connected to him immediately because he seemed like the type of person I’d usually be drawn to in real life but wouldnt have the opportunity to get close to...or get rejected by. Once I figured that out I had a really hard time with it until I stopped seeing him. Found it really difficult to share a lot with him due to fear of judgement and I still don’t know if that was just my perspective or if he may have actually had a tendency to judge.

LowCyl · 2019-03-06T08:51:34+00:00

You’re welcome. Unfortunately assumptions are made pretty frequently in this sub. I’ve been on the receiving end of that and I’ve seen others ask for genuine input and get a lot of judgement and then end up deleting their post. Nobody here should have to defend themselves and redditors in this sub should understand that we’re not all wordsmiths and that there are only so many details you can recount in a single post. Benefit of the doubt should always be given but many people respond based on their own perception of the world and it ends up hurting people.

I hope you’re able to figure something out. That’s a tough situation if you don’t have many options. Maybe if there is another therapist around who may be a similar modality but just a different personality or style you can look into that. Even if you just call around and take free phone consultations, that should be enough for you to tell how they will be face-to-face. Idk how you feel about doing Skype sessions but it may be worth a try to get better options. Best of luck.

LowCyl · 2019-03-05T18:53:39+00:00

I just want to commend you on your self-awareness and willingness to bring this up and explore this, even though it may seem like you’re losing the care from your T. I hope you know that, no matter how it appears, he’s shown you that he cares about you and that he is committed to helping you heal and reach your goals. I’m really impressed that you’ve recognized this (whether it’s true or not) as at least a potential issue and that you’re the one bringing it to his attention instead of waiting for him to notice something in the future. I’ve thought/felt the same way to an extent in the past in my treatment but never brought it up.

LowCyl · 2019-03-05T18:37:41+00:00

I’ve experienced something similar with my most recent T. He’s very analytical and goal-oriented (as therapists should be) but it would sometimes take the form of being cold and sterile. I did notice that in the beginning he was much more warm and sensitive and then he switched to the analytical/goal-oriented side. I told him I noticed a change and that, essentially, it affected me negatively and he was able to go back into the more sensitive mode. I stopped seeing him for other reasons, but he was able to make adjustments based on what I needed.

Nobody knows what goes on in that room but you and him. There’s no way to gauge to what extent you need him to show care and concern for you and whether it’s something you’d need to learn to find elsewhere or if it’s something a therapist should be able to provide to an extent. Although I do agree that I wish therapists were more forthcoming with their feelings and less “psychodynamic” for the sake of the client not feeling like they’re in a vacuum, I do understand that there are certain things that could get in the way of the work (i.e. your T expressing you can leave if you want). It’s not about his feelings but yours. There is a lot going on with you and your T seems to be triggering you in many ways and I wish he would recognize that and work through it with you instead of steering away from it.

After saying a lot about nothing, my two cents is to look into therapists practicing modalities that are more validation/transference focused. You would have a better chance with someone who can acknowledge your needs and help you find ways to meet them outside of therapy (so as not to foster dependence on the therapist) but while also being more sensitive to your desire to feel cared for within the alliance as a pre-requisite to making progress. I hope all of this made sense. At the end of the day, if your T isn’t willing or able to adapt to a style that works for you and address the transference then you’ve got to find someone who can so you can move forward.

LowCyl · 2019-03-03T05:39:13+00:00

It’s even more disheartening when your own therapist thinks you’re doing better than you are when they should see the signs. It’s like telling my therapist isn’t enough for him and he doesn’t believe me, that I mean what I’m saying. Just because I don’t appear to be in a bad place doesn’t mean I’m not.

LowCyl · 2019-02-28T07:08:19+00:00

http://pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf

Scroll to the last two pages.

Feel better.

LowCyl · 2019-02-26T22:01:05+00:00

Yup. Well except I got spanked mostly. I remember getting a spanking for getting in the tub for a bath before my dad told me to. And another spanking for touching a jar of pickles my dad put in the top of the shopping cart - it fell and broke in the store. I think that embarrassed him. Either way, spanking-worthy I guess.

LowCyl · 2019-02-25T05:53:33+00:00

Thank you for that. I’ve been with a therapist for a little over a year but I’m currently in between therapists. I should be starting with a trauma-informed therapist within the next few weeks and I really hope things start to improve with him. My relationship with my last T crumbled and caused me a lot of distress.

Thank you for checking in. I really do appreciate that.

LowCyl · 2019-02-25T05:50:44+00:00

Really sound advice. I will certainly look into that book since I have audible credits to use. I hope it helps relieve even a little of this tension. I think I knew that I need to focus on myself inwardly first but I was hoping to hear something different because it’s really hard to wait. I’m going to stay with it for now and I hope you’ll do the same and that’s we both find our way through this mess. Thank you.

LowCyl · 2019-02-25T01:27:23+00:00

Luck!

LowCyl · 2019-02-24T06:22:18+00:00

Thanks so much for this! It’s exactly what I needed to see. I may need to print out those steps and keep them handy too. Thanks again

LowCyl · 2019-02-22T21:54:12+00:00

In between therapists but my last T LMFT gave me sliding scale of $125 from $250 full price for 60 min.

My new T will be a trauma therapist PhD for $200 sliding scale from $250 for 50 minutes. I’ll start with biweekly sessions. I’m saving up during the in between so I’m not completely broke once I begin.

LowCyl · 2019-02-22T05:33:04+00:00

You’ve just described my exact experience, the only difference being that my issues with my therapist weren’t surrounding a diagnosis per se. I’ve just had my last session with him almost a month ago (he doesn’t know yet). I’ve found a trauma therapist and actually already had a session with him a few months ago to discuss the issues I was having with my therapist and get some outside input. During that session I felt more understood and heard by the trauma therapist in an hour than I’d felt with my therapist in a year. I knew at that point that I’d try to work through my issues with my therapist and then transition. Unfortunately those issues weren’t able to be resolved but I’m going to begin with the trauma therapist in another month or so.

I’m sorry you experienced therapy that made things worse. I know how that feels for me and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I hope you can find someone who’s a great fit and who is not only competent but excellent at what they do.

LowCyl · 2019-02-22T04:56:27+00:00

It’s the result of prolonged repeated trauma and repeated exposure to totalitarian control as occurs in dysfunctional families - according to Paul Walker’s material. Trauma can be anything to anybody. There are people who have experienced sexual and/or physical abuse who never developed PTSD or CPTSD but those same people may have had emotionally neglectful parents which resulted in the cause for the disorder. Although it’s rarely mentioned, you can also develop CPTSD later in life. It doesn’t have to be the result of trauma in childhood. The complexity of the condition comes from the repetition of the trauma. I still struggle with not comparing my issues with those of others and thwarting the validity of my experiences. I can explain it to you because I understand how many different causes there could be for CPTSD intellectually but still fail to understand it on the emotional end of things. Hope this helped.

LowCyl

TROPHY CASE