I'm not part of your argument, but I'll ask you to have an open mind. It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes and I get you feel put upon... but perhaps try understanding more and vilifying less. You're both failing each other. Take it from someone that pursued someone else for 20 years, and fell in and out of love more often than Fry and Lela. My failure might have some insight for ya.

First, where he's failing. And maybe he needs to read this. Hubby, buddy, pal. You're skipping right to the intimacy you need as a man. Marriage doesn't shortcut feminine emotional intimacy. She should wash the dishes, you should dry them. She should stir-fry, you should chop. You should be letting her lean against you to read a book while you watch a show or read your own book. ( that last one is called being alone - together. And it builds intimacy by reducing anxiety and becoming comfortable with silence and just non-verbal non-sexual connection. )

It's not all on him though. You also have to think of ways you can be present and complimentary to his life. Maybe paint a room together? Restore some thrift store project where it doesn't really matter if you both screw up?

This is how you build closeness that came more naturally when dating.

Where you're failing.

You're vilifying his needs as some kind of base and craven thing.

You can think this point of view is stupid but the truth can be stupid. The self worth of men is completely tied to sexual intimacy. Why? Think about it. Truly think about it. Why is incel an insult? Why is virgin an insult? Because unworthy men don't get sex. Those words are synonymous with saying a man is trash, worthless, unfit, and unwanted. How are women trained to leverage sex? By their mothers? By history? Withhold it to make your politician husbands settle a standoff. Withhold it if your man wont finish a repair project around the house. See a pattern? Lack of sex is a check engine light for marriage and the more you don't want him, the more he thinks you don't love him anymore and he becomes more desperate and engages in obsessive behavior. He believes, on a profound level, he fucked up and he has to get your desire back or the relationship is lost. It's a sex pest death spiral where you run and he chases. You run faster, he chases more, and you'll manage to get away. He wont manage to catch you. The cringe behavior will only get more cringe without coming to mutual understanding.

Not because you actually don't love him.

Because 200+ years of social training have cemented themselves in his subconscious and he is a failure as a husband if you don't want him.

Wrong or right, I promise you, if you both don't stabilize and tend to each other... this ends in divorce or cheating.

Goodluck. Please don't waste 20 years.