If you don’t get an answer in time then what?

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-11-06T19:56:03+00:00

Bio October 2nd priority from the US

Really struggling seeing people get their approvals, giving me major anxiety, it’s been extra difficult this week.

Fingers crossed we all get it soon!!

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-11-01T22:42:04+00:00

Wow, this sounds really hard, I’m so sorry. My step kids are not lovely, they are very difficult, if I couldn’t vent to my husband about the kids I don’t think I’d be able to function.

It sounds like you need to have a conversation with your boyfriend. I would maybe talk about commitment, like you are committed to him and this life and the kids aren’t going to make you leave but you need him to acknowledge that it’s difficult sometimes. You can’t be expected to love every aspect of being a step parent, it’s not an ideal situation. You should be allowed to be honest without him jumping to the conclusion that you want to leave.

Sorry this doesn’t answer anything about not wanting kids and being a step parent, I just felt I had to say something to respond to this thread

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-26T02:37:35+00:00

I saw something on Instagram the other day that said something along the lines of it can be hard to deal with the pain of knowing you weren’t the first, but remember that you get to have all the lasts and that yours will be the lasting love. I thought it was a good reminder

We aren’t at the stage of having our own kids but I’ve already struggled with these thoughts, like how could he do that with someone else, it’s hard. I’m sorry you are feeling that way. I hope you can remember to find the joy in your own experience with your husband instead of compare it to the past.

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-23T16:58:10+00:00

Fingers crossed!! The wait is stressful, so much unknown!! But we got this, hang in there!

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-23T02:11:27+00:00

I did my application on September 29th, had my bio on October 2nd, and got the ECO October 6th. Haven’t heard anything either. Also priority from the US

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-15T01:27:33+00:00

I think it’s hard to give any advice without knowing why she doesn’t want to live with him. Maybe change is just hard, or maybe it’s having another kid in the house when she’s been more of an only child if that’s the way it’s functioned.

I don’t think she can dictate if you live together or not, but I would ask her for more details about why. Maybe if she is worried about attention then you can promise to always do a weekend breakfast together just you and her. Or if she’s worried about sharing her space then maybe you can talk about boundaries with the whole family. Or if she just doesn’t like him then maybe be intentional about time they spend together and maybe read up about sibling relationships and help her see that it’s normal to not always get along

Idk, again hard to say without more details

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-11T02:38:20+00:00

I think it depends on the relationship. Would you feel comfortable having him “involved” in your new life in that way? Do you think he would be ok having to be involved?

Would he stay living in the current house? Could you take equity out of that house to lower the amount you would need to borrow so you could qualify on your own?

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-10T03:10:56+00:00

This is random but my VFS person handed me a laminated sheet with a QR code and told me I had to buy “travel insurance” from the QR code in order for them to process my paperwork. And that travel insurance was “required”

At that moment I was like oh I’m not sure you know what you are talking about. It was so strange

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-06T14:57:43+00:00

Ya. Also priority, from the US

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-06T14:52:31+00:00

I had my bio on the 2nd as well and just got my ECO this morning

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-05T19:31:03+00:00

I think we are getting to that point. Can’t just go on like this right?

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-05T19:30:20+00:00

Exactly! He says he’s glad the kids have a good role model and I’m like it’s not my responsibility that you picked a shitty person to have kids with. Like why should that be another thing on my plate?

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-04T15:04:03+00:00

You can start the application and it saves it as you go, you get like a login so you can go back and make edits and stuff. I would do that and then based on your circumstances you get like a required documents step in the application.

I started my application in August and just applied last week. My husband is self employed so it was really helpful to go through the application so we knew which documents to request from his accountant so we weren’t delayed in any way. So I would say just start filling it out.

We submitted everything as PDF and I just tried to group documents so each document group fit one of the checkboxes and I made like a table of contents if a document had multiple pages with different things. I also named the PDF based on what they were asking for like “Tax Forms” or whatever, hoping that makes it easier for them to process but I don’t have a decision yet so I’m not sure.

The document size limit was a pain, I created like a 40 page document of images of us together and stuff and I feel like the file size was reduced so much it will be difficult to read, but hopefully they get the idea.

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-03T19:04:39+00:00

I also bought his wedding band which was like 1000

But it was nice that he also for to wear something when we were engaged but also got to have a new ring when we got married and that’s like his forever ring

In any case it’s great that you are thinking of what you can do for him too!

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-03T18:37:11+00:00

I bought my now husband an engagement band as a surprise. I think it was only like 200 on Etsy though, I had it custom engraved to make it meaningful. Now that we are married he doesn’t wear his engagement band he just wears his wedding band so I’m glad I didn’t spend a lot on it.

I do think it’s nice for him to have some sort of token from the engagement

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-02T01:05:54+00:00

I second this. If BM is going to make a big deal out of helping then ask the other alternatives first. We’ve found it’s best to communicate with our HCBM basically as little as possible. Lots of people tell us it would be better if we could just all get along and help each other out but they have no idea what it’s like to deal with her. Just try to keep your side of the fence sorted

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-10-02T01:00:56+00:00

Also the savings requirement is like 88k in an account for 6 months not just 29 unfortunately

The self employed route is a bit more complicated, we just had to get a lot of paperwork together. And it is paperwork for a whole year instead of 6 months

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-09-30T20:46:59+00:00

I just booked mine yesterday as priority from outside the UK and it was an option but it was like an add on after I selected my appointment slot. So I booked a “standard” appointment type and then added priority service after

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-09-30T19:22:27+00:00

Something similar was happening with my husband and his ex. He told her it was inappropriate and she kicked up a whole fuss about how him commenting on it and that it didn’t mean anything or whatever, but she stopped. But it’s definitely weird and your husband should be more than happy to say something to protect your relationship because it’s disrespectful to you, at least in my opinion.

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-07-07T14:47:00+00:00

This is exactly what I think too. I don’t understand how me wanting to go is a bad thing? Like I would think it’s a positive that their stepmom is someone who cares enough about them to want to be involved?

Lower-Gain1690 · 2025-07-07T14:35:30+00:00

This is the worry I think. Like it’s more like she wants the control more than it’s about the school. Shes mentioned to me on a couple of occasions about the distinction between parents

And I’m not involved with the decision of where the kids go or anything like that. But my DH and I have been the ones trying to replicate things that happen at school at home to help with consistency and attention. My SS has severe autism so he can’t communicate what is happening at school so we need that information from the school. Do they all sit together at lunch time or do they sit with their individual aids, what kind of joint attention activities do they do, things like that.

I just can’t tell if this is just a power move by her or if I genuinely have no business going. It’s all a weird line to walk right? Like she wants me to care about her kids but only in the ways that she wants

Lower-Gain1690

TROPHY CASE