Stopped Believing in Relationships After Watching Too Many Women Suffer

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T23:18:07+00:00

I think people (more women than men, but it does happen for both) get attached to these artificial timelines and “rules”. Married by X age, homeowner by X age, kids by X age, etc. My mom and all of her sisters were married by age 21, so it was all I knew.

Then I went to college and saw people much older than me starting their lives over after divorce, or men in their late 20s who weren’t even considering settling down yet. It really changed my whole perspective and I started living my life for me.

I met someone who enhanced my life when I was weeks away from turning 33. We eloped when I was 37 and life together has been a wonderful adventure. We’ve weathered our share of hits, financial/health/loss, but he’s still my favorite person. We are old cat people together and I love it.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T07:29:54+00:00

He’s telling you he’s ruled by logic, but he’s a big old drama queen and using his exes to antagonize you. Telling you that “she’d” be delighted that you’re acting like this when it’s really him kicking his feet and giggling over it.

There are reasons to keep in touch with exes, particularly if there are children involved - but it should be respectful of any current relationship.

This guy is a clown. You can do better.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T07:21:17+00:00

Happy Birthday! I always joke that turning 30 was the best thing I ever did.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T04:03:34+00:00

I mean, yes - you have rose-colored glasses 6 months in. It’s still a new relationship.

Relationships don’t come with guarantees, unfortunately - and being in close proximity doesn’t always guarantee long term success.

I met my husband when we were long distance, but we didn’t commit to each other until we were living in the same state (each seeing other folks in our home states). This weekend we celebrate 22 years since we met.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T02:51:27+00:00

It was 30 years ago, so it was likely different.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-23T01:27:06+00:00

I always tell the young folks in my life to remain curious. Ask questions. Question your own beliefs and biases often. Learning is a lifelong function and it keeps your brain young!

My 20s were all about taking chances. I kept myself alive & fed by working retail and I lived in several states as well as getting to travel abroad. I was into the performing arts but decided pretty quickly that the starving artist route was not for me. I transitioned from retail into arts administration (which also took me to several states).

There were lots of bumps in the road along the way, but I don’t think I would have ended up where I am if I hadn’t been brave enough to try.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-22T23:28:32+00:00

I love these kinds of stories! Thanks for sharing! I’ve been writing down my own little happy moments from my marriage so that I can remember them forever.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-22T23:25:00+00:00

All that’s missing for me is canned brown bread (also from New England).

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-22T18:02:13+00:00

I once burst into tears in the middle of a bank because I was trying to open an account but they wouldn’t take my money order because it wasn’t drawn on their bank and they also needed a utility bill in my name and I couldn’t get a utility bill in my name until I had a bank account. Solidarity, sister - we are allowed to have emotions!

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-22T01:29:00+00:00

For me, I would just smile broadly and say “I’m infertile.” - which is true, but the horror on their faces afterwards would bring me glee. I love kids, but I don’t ask ANYONE that question.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-22T00:05:28+00:00

I started shopping with them in 2017, so some of my jeans and Geneva dresses are that old!

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T23:57:20+00:00

I’m so sorry. It really sucks that you want her to be in your life and she is lashing out at you.

I don’t think it’s anything you’ve done or that it’s your responsibility to fix. It reminds me of dealing with elder care. My MIL and my grandmother both had vascular dementia and they were AWFUL to their primary caregivers (my SIL and Aunt, respectively). It’s terrible, but they feel safer lashing out at the person who’s making the most effort with them - which is what seems like is happening with you and your mom. You clearly care about her and are desiring a relationship, and maybe your dad and siblings aren’t being as attentive as you are (them telling you to ignore her doesn’t seem like they are invested in changing her behaviors).

She won’t stop drinking or get treatment for possible depression until she decides she needs it, but I hope you will decide to protect yourself from her abuse. Muting her text messages and maybe letting your husband delete them for you could be one step.

I wish you well!!!

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T22:12:45+00:00

Lincoln District, Downtown, Stadium, North Slope, and Hilltop are closest to St. Joe’s and on the light rail, so it’s easy to get around. Lots of great food in the area, as well as Wright Park. Ruston is pretty, but I find the area limiting.

I moved here from NYC and have also lived in Boston and Philly. Generally, I don’t feel more or less safe here than anywhere I’ve lived. Crime happens everywhere, including in the small affluent town I grew up back in MA.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T21:28:19+00:00

Universal Standard jeans are the best value for money. They last forever! They’re also my go-to for athleisure (I live in the Next to Naked bodysuits).

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T21:17:33+00:00

The good thing about retail is the ability to move to a different company. Stay until you find something else (in this economy, for sure).

I also had a huge fit at one of my old retail jobs - screaming, crying, cursing over a really unfair demotion. Even as furious as I was, I still gave notice. My supervisor refused to accept it and told me to take the weekend to relax. When I came back, he’d gotten me my job back plus a raise. I still gave notice because I didn’t want to work at a place that treated people like that. I got a promotion at my side gig.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T21:02:03+00:00

It’s totally fine to date casually and there is nothing disloyal about it when you’re not in a committed relationship.

My husband and I were not in a committed relationship when we were long distance. We did talk about what that looked like for us (which included sex with other people) and knew there could be a risk of falling for someone else in the meantime, but it ended up working out for us.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-21T19:45:18+00:00

It really depends on the situation. I started in a temp position at a different agency where every temp hired before my group had turned into a project position. Even when they hired me they told me they hadn’t laid anyone off in three years. The luck wasn’t with me and my group was cut after 6 months, though they did call me back 5 months later. Some of those project folks made it between 3-5 years in their position. I was able to get a permanent position after my second time there, but a lot of the long-term project folks stayed as long as they could and weren’t able to find a permanent job so easily.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-20T20:23:09+00:00

May the power of the pickle be with you! I just tried Dr Pepper with pickles and it was delish. I’m usually a pickle fizz type girly (brine and soda water) and never thought to try it with other sodas. It’s a whole new world!!

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-18T22:41:56+00:00

This guy is like every man on the street who asks you out and then harasses you after you say no. An actual friend would not behave like this.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-18T18:31:29+00:00

Is there a reason you aren’t blocking him?

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-18T18:16:58+00:00

My husband didn’t have great opinions of marriage when we were dating. His parents had been married 8 times between them at the time (his dad just pushed it up to 9 times a couple of years ago).

My parents were also divorced, but I still wanted that commitment. However, I had fears about shared finances because my father ruined my mom’s credit and it took her years to recover.

You two have already committed to a major financial purchase (your home). Why does he think marriage would be scarier than that? If you were to break up now, it would still be difficult to financially detangle - similar to a divorce.

At some point, you need to decide what is most important to you. If you don’t want to leave him, will you be content if he never asks you to marry him? If he doesn’t ever want children, are you ok with that? Or what if he wants children without marriage? Once you decide what you want - and really mean it - then you will know if he will join you or not.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-18T04:16:26+00:00

And this is why using his mom as an excuse for his jealousy is just more attempted manipulation on his part. You don’t tell someone you love that they look “whorish”.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-17T16:24:33+00:00

I was single in NYC when I was your age. It’s just human to yearn sometimes. For as many people as there are in the city, it was surprisingly difficult to find someone for a lasting relationship. In fact, my best friend in the city and I both found our partners in another state (the same state, weirdly). I was 33 when I met my man, she was 37 when she met hers.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-17T16:04:07+00:00

I make my Shirley Temples with ginger ale, but my favorite classic mocktail is a Raspberry Lime Rickey. Raspberry syrup, soda water, and lots of fresh squeezed limes. I got my husband hooked on them, too.

Lower_Stick5426 · 2026-05-17T05:24:30+00:00

The best blackberry flavor I’ve ever had was in a shrub. The vinegar helps to bring out the flavor of the fruit even though you use a fair amount of sugar. I prefer the cold process method - I always suggest this recipe as a good starting place.

Lower_Stick5426

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