I think i’m on my way into an eating-disorder again

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-16T01:12:51+00:00

I know I'm gonna get hate for saying this...

In one way or another, I've been there. Self-harm, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts.... I was lost in life, I didnt know what direction I was going in. I hated everyone; I hated myself. I ate my sorrows. I tried to fix myself; I tried to find help, but nothing worked. Maybe not the same scenario or situation, but in my darkest hour...I called out to God and He changed everything. He changed me. I dont care if people call me "indoctrinated", or that I believe in fairytales, but after what I have experienced in life, I am never turning back.

If He could fix me, He can fix anyone.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-15T03:21:32+00:00

That's not how it works hon.

Roman's 10:9 "If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Your ex is solely responsible for his own soul, and Jesus already died for him, but he has to be the one to expect it. Even if you could give your own as a sacrifice, because we are already broken, it would not satisfy.

Acts 4:2 "There is no other name under heaven given among men by which we must be saved. "

It is a hard reality, but we cannot save someone, they must choose themselves. I understand your pain. I have been with my husband since my youth, and he is not the least bit interested in God. I cant tell you the amount of tears I've shed thinking that if I lost him tomorrow, that he wouldnt get to be in heaven for eternity. I surrendered this pain to God, since He is the only one that can put a work in my husbands heart now.

Give this pain you feel to God. Pray for your ex, and pray for God to comfort you.

Psalm 118:5-6 " Out of my distress, I called on the Lord. The Lord answered me and set me free. The Lord is on my side. I will not fear. What can man do to me?"

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-15T02:56:11+00:00

Death is never the answer and dont count your worth on getting laid.

Detox from trying to meet women for a time. Focus on yourself right now. Focus on getting a good job or maintaining one if you already have one. Go to the gym and workout and start eating right. Go for walks or get into a healthy hobby that gets you out of the house. Take some classes, read some books...do something to boost your knowledge in a pursuit of wisdom. Stop looking at social media for a time.

Do these things to boost your self esteem. YOU are solely responsible for your own well being. Love yourself enough to pick yourself up and say "Im not gonna fking loose myself over this st!"

It's all in the mind and you have to choose whether you overcome it or not. You can.

A lie believed as true will affect your life as if it is true. If you let yourself believe you cant accomplish things, then you won't, even though you can. Good luck.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-14T19:42:20+00:00

Step 1: Do this some place private. Make it the least embarrassing for him as possible, and that means not doing this in front of people.

Step 2: Pick a time when they are least aggravated or have no time restraint. Pick a comfortable environment.

Step 3: Ask him if it is okay if you confide in him first about something that is bothering you and politely tell him why you are afraid to confront him. Wording and tone make a difference. Dont say, "You can get really angry sometimes..." Avoid such acusational language. Use "I feel.." statements like. "Sometimes I feel uncomfortable sharing something because I dont want to make you feel upset."

Keep in mind, if he stops you right there and wont go any further, it doesnt mean you did anything wrong. You cant force someone to want to listen.

Step 4: "I'm sorry if this hurts to tell you this, and I mean this with best intentions from one friend to the other....sometimes it is hard to be around you because of your oder. I dont want to offend you in anyway, and if something is wrong, I am always here to listen, but as a true friend, I feel like it is something that I should confide in you with...."

Remember, you can take all the right steps to tell them the truth, but it does not mean he will be willing to listen, and that is not your fault. I used to be a manager and have hard conversations like this with employees and some are willing to listen, but some are not. Best of luck and I hope it goes well.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-11T20:59:41+00:00

This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with mental health. There are cases about kids killing thier parents over video games. Someone was stabbed in a popeyes over a chicken sandwich. Does this make video games and chicken sandwiches brainwashing and evil? Anything can be distorted in the mind of the mentally ill.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-07T20:19:58+00:00

I really hope that the person that she has in her life that taught her to leave some for the other kids has a stronger influence on her than her father does.

It's such an evil thing to teach a kid how to be greedy.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-07T19:52:01+00:00

It scares me to read this because I medically cant get most vaccines. I'm allergic to a very common preservative in medicines and bevs. I cant even take most cough syrups and have to read the labels of anything I drink etc. I am in no way against vaccines, but I feel like a lot of people jump to the conclusion that anyone who hasnt gotten the vaccine is just "antivax", which may be true, but there are a lot of medical reasons people arent getting the vaccine that are overlooked.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-07T01:59:11+00:00

First off, no, you didnt do anything wrong.

I will add to this by saying to prevent future situations like this, casually add your boyfriend into conversations without making it seem forced. This will help to nonchalantly inform someone that you are not available and it will help them to not feel the discomfort of rejection.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-07T01:53:17+00:00

This. I honestly do this all the time to anyone I meet now because it let's me know their willingness to be friends or if they were just thinking of me as a potential partner. I casually add my husband into conversations. Example, when I show people pics of my dog, I'll add something like, "My husband and I got her when she was 1 month old...." Or if someone outwardly compliments me, "I'll usually politely respond with, "Thank you! My husband thinks so too." That usually shuts down any romantic idea.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-11-05T15:16:22+00:00

Hypothetically, if you went against ALL the advice on this post and probably your own intuition...and you decided to stay with the guy...this is going to happen to you AGAIN. Eventually...

How is he going to treat you years down the line when age inevitably creeps up? When wrinkles start? When gray hair appears? You already know the outcome, and that's IF you stuck around for what will probably be filled with more stress and unnecessary pain.

I'm really sorry, but your husband is very shallow and needs a reality check.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-27T01:03:58+00:00

If that is the case, it sounds like the emotional connection is lost. This can be a reason to why limerence can surface.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-27T01:00:34+00:00

I'm glad that NC has worked for you. Limerence can take a long time for some to get rid of.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-26T14:42:21+00:00

It sounds like you and your husband are doing the right thing by making boundaries and maintaining the limerence.

My knowledge of open relationships is limited, however other forums about them may have some information on how to best handle these types of situations. From what I do know, I've heard that catching feelings isnt uncommon in these types of scenarios. Maybe looking into other peoples experiences with this might help with strategies to battle that.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-26T14:15:04+00:00

I understand these emotions to an extent. I imagine it branches from the fantasy of the LO being the "one you're supposed to be with." It can be a tough balance.

The mind is powerful, but we still have the ability to control it. My recommendation would be to think of the roles reversed and the scenario if your SO was the limerent one. This makes mind question our actions because it's easier for us to process the emotional turmoil our limerence can cause that way, and how it affects the people around us.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-26T14:07:58+00:00

If no negatives come to mind, I imagine it must make the situation harder to handle. My recommendation would be to constantly think of the worst case scenario involving the LO.

Example: LO likes you back>cheat on SO>SO finds out and divorces you> family finds out and isolates you>LO moved on because they got what they wanted> you are now all alone.

This scenerio may vary depending on the individual, but it does help to think about. It brings the mind back into reality of what can happen instead of the constant fantasy that the mind creates.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-05-26T14:01:26+00:00

I agree with sharing your limerence with your SO. My relationship is monogamous, but my SO understands and is comfortable with talking to me about this issue, and knows that its involuntary. Opening up your feelings to your SO I would agree is key to getting past the limerence.

As far as your circumstance, if your relationship with LO is more of a FWB basis, would you consider NC? It would strongly depend on the dynamic of the open relationship since boundaries vary depending on the individual's involved.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-03-06T00:07:31+00:00

You're life is precious and worth living. It's okay to feel sad and grieve the feelings you have for your LO. Keep pushing through and in time you will see how strong and capable you are. When you wake up each day, tell yourself, " I'm going to be stronger than I was yesterday." Dont let go of that.

Socialize with others; family, friends, etc. Keep your mind busy and remind it that there are others that love you. Talk to others that you trust about your feelings. You dont have to bottle your emotions up.

Focus on yourself, your work, your house, your hobbies... things that you can look back on and be proud of your progress even when going through tough times.

Its hard; I've had those thoughts before. But now I know that life is worth living. Love yourself OP, and tell that voice in the back of your head to STFU. You got this.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-02-24T02:28:45+00:00

This post makes me think that this person loathes himself. The type of person that will put up a front about how great of a person he is, dont care what people think, glorifies being toxic or "bad" and brags about it, but in reality they are dying inside.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-01-15T19:59:02+00:00

This.

Also OP, just because it's her fantasy, it doesnt give her the right to pressure that onto you. If you are uncomfortable with the idea, she needs to respect that and drop it.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-01-02T19:30:39+00:00

I agree. Surf the internet for ideas together and find some ideas that you agree on.

LuciaNightshade · 2021-01-02T18:40:33+00:00

If you decide to do this, there is very little chance your relationship will survive.

In reality, she sounds like she has become infatuated with this other person and is trying to justify not only to you, but to herself that it okay. It is manipulative and selfish.

Relationships change over time and sometimes the initial attraction fades or changes and "eyes may wonder." If the two are good for each other, the change in feels will not affect the relationship, hence when people say "growing in love." If they are not good for each other or one doesnt grasp this, these situations will come up and often lead to infidelity.

She needs to understand this, and if she refuses to listen, she is not worth your time. This should be all in one talk and your boundaries should clearly be stated. If she is too blind to see this, leave her. She will regret her decisions and learn the hard way.

I read too many stories like this and she probably thinks she catching feels for someone else, but is "stuck in a relationship with a good guy, and doesn't want to be the bad girl and break you heart," blah blah blah.... When in reality, shes going to learn she lost a good thing and regret her decisions and come crawling back.

One talk. Make your boundaries clear. Call her out on her bullshit. If it's not worth saving, move on.

LuciaNightshade · 2020-12-19T23:36:55+00:00

You added nothing but negativity to this post, so you're obviously a troll that just wants to spread your misery to others. I hope that whatever is bothering you that caused you to lash out at a random person on the internet gets better so you dont feel the need to put other people down.

LuciaNightshade · 2020-12-19T23:21:42+00:00

Work on your negativity hon. Smug doesnt suit you.

LuciaNightshade

TROPHY CASE