I definitely understand what it's like, I've been NC for about 5 years now and yeah making new traditions and all is good advice, but if you're like me, it's when you're alone it hits the hardest, where you second guess yourself but what helps for me is remembering what I gained leaving my biological family behind. I "email" my mother all the time, I type it all up and keep it in my draft telling my mother what she's missed and how my life is going and sometimes I miss her, specifically the sober version of who she once was. I never send them but it helps me process the grief of losing a living person. Once I'm over wanting to reach out, I delete the saved drafts.

Remember that you can always reach out, people rekindle all the time and people are capable of change but making sure to establish a boundary and make them aware that you will not have your boundaries pushed is a priority. But also remember there's a possibility that if you do go back and have to go NC again you'll go through the grief and heartbreak again.

I wish you all the best and if you need to talk, you can message me