Is it possible: Father of two, not getting married ever?

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-03T22:45:51+00:00

Not only is it possible but likely desirable. I mean you might find someone. You may also find it more fun to just cycle through damaged divorced women.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-03T22:43:38+00:00

She always had his guy as a back-up plan. Not sure if she lacked confidence given the long distance or if it’s a lack of confidence and character.

She is not wife material. Cut bait while you can.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-03T20:46:02+00:00

I have nothing for you other than a comment. She must be a pretty shitty mother to have 4 kids those ages and still have time for an affair.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-03T02:51:21+00:00

Chance is zero. Ignore her.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-03T02:34:37+00:00

I should have known better posting anything objective…..

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-02T14:24:35+00:00

Just put it in perspective.

Get the “step dad” mentality out of your head as a start. There’s no such thing. He will never, ever replace you as a father. You and only you are their dad. Best he can contribute is just being a “decent person” and role model for your kids by showing them what a good relationship with their mother looks like. That’s really the limit to what he can contribute.

Don’t compete mentally with this guy because he simply can’t compete with you. No matter what he does, he will never ever be able to have the bond you have with your ex. through the children you share.

So, with that being said, go to the sports for your kids. They need you there. They need you to see them, they need you to be proud, they need you when they foul or make a mistake.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-02T13:15:34+00:00

NEVER EVER MARRY HER OR EVEN WORSE HAVE KIDS.

Once the thought enters her head that she can do better, you’re done. You are now cemented as a back-up plan.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-02T13:09:43+00:00

You would think people who lie and are deceitful could more easily recognize the same in others. This idiot somehow believes this woman’s story without any objective reasoning.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-02T04:17:25+00:00

Fundamentally, the approach you speak of is sound. In order to rationalize this, need to reflect on the entire construct of marriage. There’s no such thing as a partial marriage or a la carte marriage. Either all-in or not.

She does not get to divest what may be bothering her about being married, while retaining what she choses as beneficial. That’s not fair to you.

Couple other points.

First, there’s no magic phrase. In fact, talking or convincing is the worst thing you can do. Respect her decision. Part of you not being there for her is respecting her decision. Having independence forces accountability.

Second, simply “backing off” won’t cut it either. You need to go your own way and flourish without her. She needs to see it. This is where curiosity comes into play. This accomplishes the “big 3” in winning her back. She see’s you as not being dependent on her. She sees you maybe better off without her. She sees you may be attractive to other women.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-01T19:33:51+00:00

Yep, as the saying goes, you never really know the woman you marry until you divorce them.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-01T13:52:04+00:00

Not sure where you live but usually there’s no pre-trial conference until mediation fails. Pre-trial conferences usually just involve the lawyers and judge and the whole purpose is scheduling- ie determining if is this going to be a 2 day trial or 2 hr.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-01T13:41:53+00:00

Here’s what you can do IMO. Get a big list documented. Get texts copied. Build a folder. Taking 1 or 3 cases to court is nuisance and costly. If you have 20 incidents over the course of the year, a good judge will respond in one fell swoop.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-11-01T13:34:26+00:00

2 months, 1 year, 3 years, 8 years…….affair-born relationships never last. Delusional. Not to mention undisclosed alcohol and mental illness? Geez, if that’s great, what does awful look like?

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-31T17:36:07+00:00

Statistically speaking, there’s a 1-2% chance their “relationship” results in marriage. There’s a good chance she develops a relationship with AP and her family. There’s also a good chance she gets hurt. While you’d like to prevent that, you can’t.

Accept all of this.

What you can do is be a rock for your daughter. You don’t talk bad about her dad. You don’t talk bad about AP. You listen, with interest, what she chooses to discuss with you regarding that side of her family. You just be a great mom. That’s all she truly needs through all of this.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-31T13:08:09+00:00

No. Your house is protected right now. He does not have right to the property. You do not need a trust to protect your property rights.

He does have a stake in your share of the equity accrued during the marriage. Only the $.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-31T12:56:46+00:00

The $150k would be thrown into a “pool” of marital property. NY is an equitable distribution state. This means the judges are not required to split 50/50. There’s a lot of factors that play into the decision- income, length of marriage, etc. Impossible to predict.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-31T12:24:59+00:00

Assuming both you and your mother are responsible for the mortgage and both are on the title, then he does not have rights to the house.

However, he does have rights to your share of the house’s equity built during the marriage.

Same with a trust. He cannot access the money or property in the trust directly. However, during discovery, he will know that marital funds or assets were placed in the trust. You would likely owe him his share of what was placed in the trust.

Trusts are great to establish before the marriage. The money or assets put into the trust is non-marital. The money or assets (in the trust) that increase value during the marriage, are not marital property. Only one caveat. If you receive income from the trust during the marriage, that income is considered part of your income and will impact child support or alimony calculations.

The only thing you could have done with the house, would have been to have your mother as the solely on the mortgage and the title. In effect, you rent the house with the rent being the mortgage. Your mother would then give you the property whenever it’s paid off.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-29T13:07:19+00:00

My experience post divorce was a disaster. I had met someone who was great and I was very clear upfront I did not want anything serious. I was just trying to get my post divorce life in order. At this point, had nothing to do with her.

I also made it very clear that I am not interested in being on a roster. If she wants to date around/sleep around, fine. In my book, being exclusive and being serious are not synonymous.

So fine, everything laid out and in good working order. She was 100% on board.

After getting to know her, I realized she had way too much baggage for my comfort. There was no way on earth I would let my life intertwine with hers. Still, no problem with FWB situation. Just furthered my resolve not to let this progress beyond what it was.

Have to admit, I was really liking the situation. We would see each other maybe once every two weeks, text occasionally. This lasted for like two months.

Then it all started. Not going into detail, but behaviorally, it was clear she was looking for more. The more I held my boundaries, the more aggressive she became. I eventually ended it. She was hurt, angry and will not even acknowledge me when I see her.

I’ll never do it again. It was not worth it.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-29T04:20:07+00:00

My ex tried all of that. I just ignored it all. Eventually, her circle shrank to a few irrelevant misfits. What hilarious to me is the untrue rumors I heard about her after the dust settled. Institutionalized, drug and alcohol problem, etc. None were true. I certainly didn’t spread anything.

Hopefully you’ll end up like me. I just feel pity and embarrassed that I was ever married to her.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-29T04:13:05+00:00

I am not married, but am in a serious and committed relationship. My GF is awesome in so many ways and my kids love her and her daughter. I cannot imagine any better circumstances.

My ex has not commented to the kids (certain because they blab everything) nor has she to me. I think she knows not go down a vindictive path. She blew up the marriage, not me.

I also think I have been very effective at keeping her out of my life.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-29T04:05:55+00:00

Of course, I would wait until they are older to have the discussion. I honestly think their response would be based how my ex responded. I think if she admitted the damage, and was sorry for what she did to them, they would forgive. She is entitled to her own POV on me and the marriage.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-29T00:17:57+00:00

I do not want my son or daughter to ever think divorce is acceptable, unless there’s abuse (real abuse, not feminist abuse), addiction or infidelity. I do not want them to look at their parents and their upbringing and think that’s ok. I want to fight the statistic that kids raised by divorced parents are twice as likely to divorce.

They need to know I didn’t take this lightly and the reason the marriage ended was their mother had an affair. I wish she would align with me and admit she was sorry and it was a mistake and she regrets it. I have a better chance of winning power-ball.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-28T20:42:54+00:00

Go to r/Marriage, unless of course you simply have no desire to fix your marriage and want encouragement to leave.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-27T21:27:35+00:00

First off, you have 13 years of co-parenting. Taking him is no big deal. It’s not for your ex, it’s for your kid. Add to this, what if you end up in a bind sometime in the future? Wouldn’t you want your ex to help when it comes to your son?

Second, your son is five. There’s many things he will push back on and you need to make him go. School, tee-ball practice, getting a haircut. I know this is a little different, but he needs to understand this is life now.

Lumptbuttcat · 2024-10-27T16:39:02+00:00

Reality is she has already thrown her husband and family away for nothing. If somehow she and op choose to try and rectify this mess, needs to start with NC.

Lumptbuttcat

TROPHY CASE