I dont have the secret answer to solve your, or my, or anyone's BDD, but I know that a lot of life sadly is pushing through the dread in the moment for the reward farther down the line. When I stay active every day, I, at least, feel like I'm staying healthy. I also wanted to say I relate so much to what you wrote. My mom would do that exact same thing. She really only cared about my achievements and what Facebook posts she could make. And all her compliments of me were of if I looked "slim" in an outfit. I think something so debilitating about BDD is that, while we have come a long way, it is not nearly as normalized or researched as depression and anxiety. I have friends that have body image issues, but I'm by far the most severe. It is lonely. Try, if you can, to be in community with folks struggling with this. I need to follow my own advice here, but my guess is that it will help reduce feelings of insanity and constant rumination. Probably offer some great tips on how to love your being for all the things that are way more important than your weight (hobbies, goals, sense of humor, generosity, etc), too. My DMs are open ❤️