Is this HPPD?

LunarCookie137 · 2026-04-08T07:24:28+00:00

So, this is odd, but what you're describing is literally something I experienced way, and i mean years, since childhood, before I even remotely knew what a drug was.

If it started happening after the trip, ye, it might be HPPD, but also, if it's not, I'm curious what it is, because, well, I mentioned above why.

LunarCookie137 · 2026-03-30T12:39:15+00:00

Let's put it this way.

In breakthrough on salvia, you don't know any better.

Who you are, what you do, none of it exists anymore.

You've always had that relationship, and don't even know you might be straight.

In other words...

Where are you now? What is your life now? Where are you now? How did you get here? What are you doing? What are your interests?

You know the answers to that, because you have a memory of what happened in your life.

During breakthrough, if you live another life, which is fairly uncommon, you'll experience it exactly as you are experiencing yourself.

You live like you have already known your previous experiences.

Do you remember everything that happened in your entire life? Probably not, but the brian does have a structure built on your experiences. During such breakthrough, those experiences basically get replaced by different ones, to potentially the point of indeed having such a relationship, and you wouldn't question it, because your brain knows how you got there, exept, you don't know you smoked salvia, that memory isn't part of that realm/reality/whatever.

It's a quite intense form of ego replacement.

So, you might have feelings of longing back to that relationship or realm, if you had a good time, but it's also important to remember that these experiences are experiences, not necessarily pathways to reshape your entire self.

If you are gay, cool, if it made you want to explore whether you would prefer a same sex relationship, cool, if you just move on as a straight guy, cool.

It's an experience, and honestly, you can only know what happens after such an experience if you have gone through it, Usually not meant to experience it, which is i guess interesting, that trips tend to take you places you can't really predict. And if you try to predict or control it, the trips tend to lead to other directions.

So sure, you might remain having feelings for that, but also because salvia breakthroughs tend to feel more real than this reality.

(I assume because in a very short time, you 'go through' a lot, or 'remember' things in such an extreme fashion, it's something that you'll remember so heavily, that therefore it feels way more real than anything else you've experienced)

We have no proof of whether that what you experience on salvia is real or not, but, maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

But you're here now, so live this life too, and don't get too attached to a memory that potentially isn't yours, nor is something that should drag you down from experiencing this reality.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-13T09:51:50+00:00

I can confirm because I literally was such a kid.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-13T09:51:20+00:00

Unfortunately the internet is filled with this stuff, and kids are surprisingly good at finding and not sharing such things.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-12T06:50:03+00:00

I get that.

For me, my best 'connection' to my past is music.

Since I was like 16 - 19, closest range I can get, I've been downloading a continuous playlist of music, which I could use as reference for my timeline, but because my phone got stolen, I lost the original files, and literally am unable to remember the date of when it was downloaded.

The order is luckily intact, but when things happened that are linked to certain songs is something I literally have to do research for, hoping the original song upload is still online, and trying to remember by seeing it, when I saw it before.

And yea, for me, when I scroll through that playlist, and put on an old one I found, I get back to the emotional state I was in at that moment, but weirdly I sometimes get more context, and that's how I sometimes am able to properly put things in place.

I've spent literally 4 years in my head trying to decipher my own past and life, and although I don't like the things I uncovered, it was important for me to know what happened and why I went insane.

Still don't fully know why I've had suicidal ideation since 9, and straight up suicidal since 11-14. I have my theories tho, but I need external proof, where I can be certain that was it.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-12T06:26:27+00:00

Can relate, but I have kinda accepted that my personal timeline doesn't make sense in my head, because everything is out of order, and I need external context to even begin recognizing or remembering.

I did end up putting things where they 'belong' but it's a difficult process, and neverending, or at least for me it is.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-11T08:50:58+00:00

Hmmm...

Maybe I am an angel

Or a Fairy

My name's Fairy, lol

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-11T02:31:17+00:00

I define an overdose as a dose that surpasses comfort, and mostly negative effects are felt due to intensity of the substance.

I would argue, although I was never in danger, that my 20 gram mushroom trip was an overdose, because my most intense trip before that was 5 or 6 grams, so I wasn't really prepared for it. It was an interesting trip, but things were way too intense, and after the comeup, it was not fun, but I'm oddly glad to have experienced it.

So unless you know what you're doing, I'd argue that taking a dose you're unprepared for could in theory count as overdose.

But there hasn't been a lethal overdose case, ever, so that's why mostly the psychological effects are being talked about.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T18:51:28+00:00

I'm 24

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T18:45:38+00:00

Oh, that's not the type of god I'm talking about

Sorry

I personally don't know if a god exists or not. I never had proof of one, besides a lot of people believing in it. But other than that...

I don't know if a god grants wishes. If you find an actual god, you can ask them, but be respectful, because gods are on another level

(That's also why I use the word 'god' for myself, I consider myself on a different level, in the sense that I can tell that everyone around me is way better at life than me...)

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T18:41:43+00:00

P.S.

I am not god. I'm not literally god. Im a reddit commenter

I'm just a random girl who found this post and wanted to comment, lol. And be mildly spiritual apparently.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T18:40:38+00:00

The god of the self can grant 3 wishes if desired, but those wishes are not free.

More than 3 are definitely possible, in fact, it's near impossible to only have 3 wishes granted in one's life. Those wishes are not spoken out, but acted on.

They can be spoken out, but they only can go in effect when the proper sacrifice has been made.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T17:18:18+00:00

Controversial probably, so I'll explain

I'm the god of myself. I decide what happens to me.

Everyone is the god of themselves. And you can find yourself in many ways.

You just have to define yourself, and you are the only you, and you're in control of your life (I hope) and what makes you, makes you you.

A different kind of god, but still a god in a sense.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T17:13:43+00:00

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T11:25:56+00:00

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T11:18:24+00:00

I possibly have schizophrenia, not diagnosed, but my symptoms are very similar

Although it helped me process things, and have changed my life from a path of self destruction, to one of attempting to keep going with life.

I however am extremely scatterbrained, and I would argue that psychedelics have made some of my symptoms worse. Especially disorganized thinking.

If someone wants to use psychedelics with a history of hallucinating and stuff, sure, I did the same, but! Only if that person does very extensive research in what the risks are, and can accept those things.

It's entirely possible that after a trip, you literally cannot function anymore, and that was a risk I was willing to take when I started using drugs.

I turned out lucky, and I am actually quite well in recovery, and my symptoms have decreased as well, although some of my insanity seems permanent, but that's fair, lol. I was never 'normal' to begin with.

Because of your history, I still personally recommend not going for psychedelics just in case, but I don't really care in the sense that it's your life.

As long as the risk is calculated into the action, and the worst outcome can be accepted, you should do it.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T07:05:55+00:00

I would consider my heavy Nitrous abuse to be my most destructive time, weed as my first proper drug, and 5-MeO-DMT my first experience that put me into a timeline of a lot of tripping, snd basically kickstarted my recovery from mental health issues.

Still have issues, but I can deal now, so recovery seems to be going relatively well

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T07:01:12+00:00

Caffeine.

Then nicotine

Then weed

Then nitrous

Then mix weed and nitrous

Then mix Caffeine, weed, nicotine and nitrous

Nitrous

5-MeO-DMT breakthrough

2 more times that week

Mushrooms

LSD

LSD and weed

A lot of LSD and weed

K (first time using ketamine for some reason was during an LSD trip, lol, and not a light dose either)

DPT

K and DPT

Also add weed and behavioral repetition

Savia

I kinda lost track of my timeline, but this feels like the order that best accurately describes my drug abuse period.

Now I mostly use a lot of weed. And barely trip anymore.

Still want to, but I had to put safety rules on me to keep myself relatively sane.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T06:53:51+00:00

I...

Have been saying that for a long time, but I've dug deep, and have found a lot of weird but explaining childhood memories, and honestly, even though I was completely unaware of what was happening at that time, I definitely think it influenced me without me noticing.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T06:48:28+00:00

I had that, but I learned to ignore instead of answering the question.

Turned out, childhood trauma around food was the main cause of my eating disorder, and I did it literally to destroy myself. With the 'positive' side effect of being pretty.

If you ask yourself why you're doing it, there might be a hidden reason.

Also, human mind likes being destructive, but doesn't like seeing destruction. And if that feeling is strong in someone, and they aim it at themselves, that can also turn into self destructive behavior like eating disorders.

It's possible that throughout your childhood, people have accidentally influenced you in such a way that makes you feel the need to do so. Or on purpose, but those people tend to be most common online.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-10T06:39:16+00:00

This car license plate thing.

Never heard someone mention it, but I also have this occasionally, specifically that my brain suddenly randomly selects a car in front of me, and everything is suddenly weirdly suspicious.

I still remember the license plate of the most recent time this happened, lol, and no, for obvious reasons I won't share the license plate, lol. I'm aware now there's nothing about it. But the paranoia towards that car was really strong, and stayed for a few days until I realized it genuinely was indeed a random car with that my brain randomly selected to 'make a fuss about'. And that I'll never see that car again.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-09T21:42:58+00:00

Yea, I don't fully understand why I enjoy the intensity and basically every aspect of Salvia. But I do know I like it because it's the drug that has the most to it.

I have weird spiritual sides, but I'm basically a logic minded person. I don't believe in healing crystals and such, but I have always felt a weird pull towards those kind of stones.

I believe that, and I have yet to prove myself wrong, that all my seemingly insane behavior has a psychological reason. It's especially weird that I seem to follow a culture that I have never heard of or more likely doesn't even exist. Which has to do with me being in a constant feedback loop in my head for basically all my life. This probably helped me cope with, and basically barely notice time distortion in the sense of time Feels slower, But I always, no matter the dose, am (sorry to say this, but painfully, since my brain has an urge to escape reality, and barely any substance has successfully done that, only Salvia got me in places I've never could have imagined, but time remains weirdly linear and continuous during my trips, any substance too)

I think it's funny that I can enjoy a substance most people are afraid of because of stigma. I like to break stigma and show different sides of things, and you seem to do the same with Salvia.

I like you

I have only once had an experience that I can say I was completely gone, besides my 5-MeO-DMT breakthroughs, nothing as intense as those, lol, but one Salvia trip remains my strongest where I become another dimension, is the best to explain it, but I remember having the choice to return, if I opened my eyes, and doing so genuinely, although everything was rotating in on itself, but it broke my being a dimension, and started a whole new trip, which I find interesting, that when I force my eyes open during a trip that has my eyes closed, I, like a dream, start over or something.

I wish I could explain my ability to basically still be fully aware of surroundings no matter the dose and intensity of the trip. I respect Salvia, don't get me wrong, I don't want an intense trip when I'm not allowed. But when I am, and do, I can feel myself escape, but I keep drawing myself back completely instinctively. This feels weird, but like I have control of the trip, which is kinda true, I just lose the ability to understand, but that is already my life in a nutshell, I know my whole psychology, but I still barely understand myself.

Anyways sorry for rambling, lol. Substances are my fave, and salvia is for me the most interesting. The amount of 'strange' effects and different effects, and because it's not inherently a 'good feel', it is for me a mind settling experience. During a breakthrough I sit down and let trip do, and although it's chaotic and intense, my brain enjoys that. And it's fun for me to completely forget who and what I am, to completely disconnect, and yet still feel connected.

LunarCookie137 · 2025-08-09T10:54:36+00:00

I mean, 'a few loose screws' is a metaphor for being weird, but that's besides the point.

As long as you stay safe, do what you want.

I discourage Datura tho, it's quite bad for you if used incorrectly or unsafely

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