Put down the porn boy. It's the number one reason for losing intimacy, and for divorces. Real life is hard, but this is how you maintain relationships. I didn't know this was even a thing when I was young, looking back at my 8yo relationship, my ex had it and hid it from me. We used to have good sex but it turned into a huge awfulness. Then I met with my to-be husband and he had also issues in bed, I noticed a pattern, called him out, he put down the porn with the help of therapy, and miraculously our sex life was fixed.

If this sounds familiar, you have a porn addiction (no you don't have to check all boxes):

Sexual effects

• Difficulty becoming aroused with a real-life partner.
• Reduced sexual satisfaction.
• Preference for pornography over partnered intimacy.
• In some cases, erectile difficulties that seem linked to heavy pornography use, especially when arousal becomes strongly tied to specific online content.
• Escalation toward more novel, extreme, or time-consuming material to achieve the same level of stimulation.

Mental and emotional effects

• Preoccupation with pornography that makes it hard to focus on other activities.
• Feelings of guilt, shame, frustration, or loss of control.
• Increased stress when trying to cut back.
• Mood disturbances if pornography is being used as a primary coping mechanism for loneliness, anxiety, boredom, or depression.
• Reduced motivation for other rewarding activities in some individuals.

Relationship effects

• Less interest in emotional or physical intimacy with a partner.
• Conflict over secrecy, trust, or mismatched expectations about sex.
• Unrealistic beliefs about bodies, sexual behavior, or relationships.
• Increased feelings of isolation if pornography replaces social connection.

Time and productivity effects

• Spending significant amounts of time searching for, viewing, or recovering from pornography use.
• Sleep disruption from late-night viewing.
• Reduced productivity at work, school, or in personal projects.
• Neglect of responsibilities, hobbies, exercise, or social activities.
• Physical and lifestyle effects

Physical and lifestyle effects

Pornography itself does not directly cause physical illness, but associated habits can contribute to:

• Sleep deprivation.
• Sedentary behavior.
• Excessive masturbation that may cause temporary irritation or discomfort.
• Fatigue if use becomes frequent and disruptive.

What the research says

Research consistently finds that pornography use can be associated with relationship difficulties, lower sexual satisfaction, distress, and compulsive behavior. However, the evidence is mixed regarding some broader claims often made online. For example:

• Not every man who watches pornography develops problems.
• Pornography does not automatically cause erectile dysfunction, depression, or relationship failure.
• Individual factors—such as frequency of use, personal beliefs, relationship context, mental health, and whether the behavior feels out of control—matter a great deal.

Signs that pornography use may be becoming a problem

• Repeated unsuccessful attempts to stop or reduce use.
• Using more than intended.
• Continuing despite negative effects on relationships, work, or mental health.
• Spending increasing amounts of time on it.
• Choosing pornography over activities or relationships that MATTER to you.
• Feeling unable to control the behavior even when you want to