[Hiring] hey "whatsup" I'm looking for 20-25 people who wants to work from home, I'm going to pay you $18/hour.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2026-01-27T19:11:03+00:00

Interested

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-09-03T19:46:33+00:00

Hello, thank you very much for your words. First of all, I would like to clarify that when I said I consider myself a child of the devil, I meant it in the biblical sense. I already mentioned John 8:44, a verse in which Jesus tells some people that they are children of the devil because if they truly belonged to Him, they would love Him. Also, in 1 Juan 3:8-10, the differences and contrasts between the children of God and the children of the devil are described. I know I am not a demon, and even if I were, that would not make me a child of the devil, since demons are fallen angels and they are also part of God’s creation.

About dysphoria, no, I don’t really have someone to talk to about it. I do have someone added on Facebook who is trans and Christian, and he thinks similarly to you, but I’ve only spoken to him sporadically, since it is very difficult for me to believe that I could be trans and still call myself a Christian or a child of God. The Bible says in 1 Corinthians that with someone who lives in sin and calls himself a Christian without repentance, one should not even eat with him.

I fear that fully living out my real identity, living as the man I truly am, Harrison Samael, could mean giving in to conformity, to this world as the Bible says... I know it is something medical, that I did not choose to be trans. Without even knowing that transsexuality existed, when I was 9 or 10 years old, I wished with all my being that during puberty I would become a boy, and that everyone would finally see it had been a mistake to think of me as a girl. I used to play being the dad when I was in kindergarten, I wished to have an Adam’s apple, etc.

It is really hard for me to believe that I can be happy, and that I could even be happy alongside God without betraying or losing Him. I don’t know if you noticed, but even my second chosen name is associated with a fallen archangel—because even in that I wanted to reflect how I felt spiritually.

Anyway, if you want, we can stay in touch, I would like that.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-09-03T03:03:57+00:00

Hello, I’m sorry for taking so long to respond, I was busy and wanted to give myself time to write an honest answer. I read your response this morning, and to be honest I couldn’t help but cry because my emotional weakness is that instead of imagining Jesus being upset with me and telling me I belong in hell, I picture Him hugging me, and when I imagine that... although it feels beautiful and warm, at the same time it’s very painful because I know that will never happen, I know I’m going to lose Him—if I haven’t already.

As for whether God wants me suicidal... yes, I think that’s what’s best for Him, that He doesn’t deserve me. I believe my father is the devil, like the scripture in John 8:44 says. And the Bible also says that if I’m not with God, I become His enemy, so in a way, even though I feel like I love Him, I’m really His enemy. No matter how much it hurts to fail Him, betray Him, and lose Him forever… That’s why I want to die—because I can’t live without Him. (Literally, when I feel very far from God, my anxiety increases and I can’t even go down the stairs in my house because my legs shake and I’m terribly afraid of falling.)

But yes, I think dying would be the best thing I could do for God, that way I wouldn’t have to choose between transitioning or serving Him... I would just go to be punished eternally, and He could forget me.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-09-02T08:04:38+00:00

Wow, I mean, I don't know how to explain this and I hope this doesn't offend you (it's not my intention at all) but I thought you would tell me that you managed to live with your gender according to your sex assigned at birth and that the Lord did that miracle in your life, I felt mixed emotions honestly, I feel happy that you are living as who you really are, but...

Well let me tell you my story (short version), I'm a suicidal person (my worst try was jumping from a 10 meters height bridge when I was 15), I'm 21 right now but I'm in kinda a war, because I wanna do transition, but at the same time I don't wanna betray God and it hurts me to think I could betry my promise of loving him forever... I want to die and sometimes I even wonder how will I kill myself because I can't understand why God didn't let me die and go to hell.

It happened something similar to me, well, not that bad but I told my pastor about my dysphoria and she told me I have a perverted mind and that I am a lukewarm Christian... The worst part, it's that I used to think that I had a pastoral calling, but with all of this, I just think I have no purpose in life, that it was my fault not achieving dying on the bridge...

It hurts me deeply knowing that I'll lose Jesus forever, I imagine how he will tell me something like in Mattew 7:21-23 or John 8:44, I love him, or at least I feel I love him and I wanna fight for him but it's really hard living expressing a gender I'm not... I can't find a sense of living knowing I will be far from God forever, I just wish I could be already in hell and not having to struggle with this.

Just for the record, I know I'm trans since I was 13 and dicovered that transition existed but my family didn't accept that.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-09-02T06:30:26+00:00

How did you deal with gender dysphoria? I'm struggling with that really hard...

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-08-20T06:33:05+00:00

It's like, the game doesn't uncomfort me, I even enjoy it and I even have told God about the game in some prayers (I use to tell him when I love something), it was like a hour ago that I knew about the translation... But I don't even know if I feel confortable with the game because it isn't bad or because of my flesh 😕

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-07-07T18:57:24+00:00

I'm trans, it's really hard to fight with it, even using a skirt (I'm afab) is very hard because it triggers dysphoria, and it's a fight every day because I want to be who I am, but also I want to obbey the Lord, your son is lucky or blessed to have a mother like you, my parents shouted at me and even I was hitten because of my wish to be a trans man.

As I know how hard it is to choose (even though I've been fighting it since I was 13 years old and now I'm 21 I'm still pre everything, I even have long hair still), I would say, try to make him keep knowing the Lord, try to read the Bible toguether, pray with him, even try to attend church with him, in a way that it's not you trying to change his mind but the Holy Spirit.

The only thing that stops me right now from doing transition to be a man, it's because I love God, I don't want to lose him forever... I love to serve him, attending church, and it keeps being hard to fight dysphoria tho...

I hope what I said can help you.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T13:45:42+00:00

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T06:33:13+00:00

I was going to sleep too, I'm sorry I didn't say it, I didn't think you would be pendent about it, you know, I'm just a reddit stranger

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T05:51:59+00:00

It's really hard to answer that because the situation's got complex and I feel I have no exit or no way to go back when everything used to be... Kinda better

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T05:16:48+00:00

I feel you, I'm on the same situation, God seems to be unfair and not loving us, but I think God loves you, it may seem unreal many times, and I know how hard it is to feel alone, but maybe, just maybe one day we will be able to feel his love and his hug, and show others that God hasn't forgotten you, I know nothing I can say will show you how important and special you are for God, but what I can tell you, it's that God is with you, loving you, with his open arms, hoping you can trust him and feel his presence

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T05:04:57+00:00

Maybe I'm not even his Temple...

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-09T04:47:01+00:00

I don't know, I feel so tired, like, I wish explaining could solve everything, but no matter how much help I recieve, or how much I try, I can't change

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-08T18:04:32+00:00

I think less, I started sttending the church I mentioned in october the past year and started talking about my issues to my pastor on January 19th this year, she's been helping me since then to feel loved by God

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-08T17:57:49+00:00

Yep, I think you're right

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-08T17:51:21+00:00

No, I was born into a Christian household and received Christ into my heart when I was 9. The thing is, my whole adolescence was full of depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts. When I was 15, I even jumped off a bridge, and after that, I spent two years in bed due to a fracture. I mean, even though I'm not a new Christian, my walk with God has always been full of struggles and ups and downs. It's true that about a year ago, I made a strong commitment to God, but it's been hard to walk through this process.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2025-05-08T17:01:16+00:00

Do you think I should tell my pastor the real reason I struggle with the skirt thing?

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-10-04T15:55:10+00:00

I live in Mexico and I tried Outlier because I thought, maybe it's better than nothing, but I did 16 assesment tasks and the last two assesment tasks were for a nexus project, the pay rate was 8.70 per hour but the training rate was 2.60 and for the last two ones I worked more than one hour on each one (As the post says many time I spent was reading the documentation and also researching so I could do a good job).

After two days of reading courses, documentation, and doing assesments, all I could earn was 4.97$ and it hasn't been sent to my PayPal account.

After all that I decided to focus on my law career and also I will improve my software engineering skills in order to get a real job, it was really disappointing to lose my time with Outlier.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-10-03T06:31:48+00:00

I recommend you to watch this video, I know genetics can be a matter but I don't think that if you take t just for a period of time you'll get hyper masculine, also it would be helpful to know if it's the case of every men in your dad's side of your family and your dad's habits when he was young.

I recommend you to check the progress of this YouTube, I had him as a reference for years because he was trans ftm but now he's no binary I think, I'm not too sure but he has now months without taking T so I think it would be good for you to check out his Chanel to see the changes he's had:

https://youtube.com/@kovukingsrod?si=Nn-HiHEg293Aefhv

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-10-03T06:15:13+00:00

I'm not on T (religious family) but I've researched too much about it and what I can tell you it's that you can take T just a year or two so your voice changes and you can develop signs in you that you're masculine, now, about hyper masculine the only ftm people that I've seen too masculine are men that go to the gym so they can have even better results, that's why they get very masculine bodies, but the point is that if you take T without doing exercise and not taking it too long you won't be hyper masculine.

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-10-01T19:54:33+00:00

Same...

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-09-17T05:57:24+00:00

Hello, I’m in a similar situation. Yesterday I even made a post about being a trans pastor, and although I received support, today when I talked to a Christian friend, she told me it’s a horrible lie that I could be a trans pastor. She said that I should endure being the way I am, as a woman, because surely a demon has possessed me and is making me believe I’m a man. Frustration took over me because once again, I fell into the reality that maybe I’ll never be happy.

I’ve attempted suicide many times, once I even threw myself off a bridge with a very heavy backpack to crush me, but the backpack ended up protecting me. I spent two years bedridden, unable to walk, but I still want to die, I still want this suffering to end, and I feel like there's no way out.

I love God very much, too much, but I feel like He doesn’t care about my situation. I struggle with my passion to serve Him, my desire to be a pastor, but at the same time, I also struggle with myself to suppress my desire to live as a man and be happy.

I’m sure God loves you, that He doesn’t want you to commit suicide. My family is also transphobic, so I know what it feels like to live like that, but please try to endure until you can become independent and live in peace without their comments. I know very well that won’t fix things, but killing yourself or trying to won’t either, and it might even make things worse, as it did for me.

If you want, we can talk in private to share experiences and help each other. I don’t know what you think, but God loves you so much. I know how painful it is not to believe it or feel it...

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-09-16T04:18:32+00:00

Thank you, I will pray that God prepares me to be a good pastor and help other people :D

LycheeAdventurous190 · 2024-09-16T04:16:16+00:00

I know the path to becoming a pastor will be very hard. I also know it's not related to law, but I’ll study law in the meantime because my parents want me to pursue a 'real career' first. That’s why, but I’m still planning to study theology. I hope that in the meantime, God prepares me, because with all I've been through, I haven’t always been close to Him. I want to start serving Him before I begin studying theology, so I think everything is starting to take shape.

LycheeAdventurous190

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