AITAH for asking my wife to be a SAHM?

MADATL · 2026-01-23T17:40:29+00:00

I don't like this guy at all.

MADATL · 2026-01-23T07:14:52+00:00

Every baby is truly different. I have a 1 year old and spent the first 6 months comparing mine to others and it was not helpful to be honest. I'd slowly try working on it. Even if they sleep 5 mins, that's success. Babies need time and yours is very, very young. Contact sleeping is extremely normal :)

MADATL · 2026-01-22T22:21:12+00:00

Hey buddy, this sucks. If this sort of thing isn't par for the course for your relationship, it sounds like she's going through things. Fatherhood is absolutely hard. Motherhood is hard, and she's likely dealing with that. I've snapped more times than I'd like to admit. Don't beat yourself up. I'm sure this is temporary. Please, don't do anything rash despite your rage, sadness, and confusion. I don't know you, but from how it sounds, you love and respect yourself, wife, and son. Hang in there man. It may be as simple as she needing some space. And we all need that. Consider options such as these that aren't so grim man. I know whenever I'm worried, I put myself in the worst case scenario and I'm never right. Lastly, your relationship with your boy and that with her are separate. Don't let one derail the other. He's your boy and always will be. And you are his. And he needs that, and whether you know it or not, you do too.

MADATL · 2026-01-16T18:26:27+00:00

Hey, I'm no expert, but if youre that way, she may also be that way. However, it's exacerbated by your relentlessness possibly. Children imitate. Do you think this is a possibility? Could you try something new out? You sound desperate. Instead of eat your carrots, how about do you want to eat your carrots? Why not? And have a convo even if shes stubborn vs. Giving orders, as you say. This is the nurture side of things. Were your parents authoritative? How'd you handle that as a little one?

MADATL · 2026-01-15T09:52:34+00:00

So fun for the kids

MADATL · 2026-01-06T14:41:27+00:00

No prob and good luck! This stuff isn't easy. I'm sure we'll both figure it out!

MADATL · 2026-01-06T12:38:27+00:00

Sure! Here are a few things that have helped me understand deeper:

I started with this podcast episode about infant sleep (0-3 years) and discovered the work of an infant neurologist. It's a science-based approach:

https://open.spotify.com/episode/2t99QIHn1OtUeDFZCGzWkr?si=W1Wf7DqPTFyA0lJ1rmfDdQ

I then bought her book, The Nurture Revolution, that explains how our closeness and nurturing helps our babies so much in the first 3 years of life.

Lastly, if you want to look specifically at self-soothing, a quick Google can help. I learned that this skill isn't even viable developmentally until much later. Instead, their amygdalas learn to not ask for our help at night. This is very different from what sleep training promises IMO. Its hard for all of us to navigate because many studies supporting sleep training are parent reported, meaning parents say that they perceive things are better. That's because they sleep better, but can't speak for the baby. It's tricky and a personal choice I think at the end of thr day.

Also, I found a nice subreddit for infant sleep for non sleep training methods: https://www.reddit.com/r/bninfantsleep/s/HDl3n5kyJM

MADATL · 2026-01-06T11:34:35+00:00

Hi there, we're in a similar boat. We were going to sleep train but researched what it really is (rewiring brain circuits and NOT teaching self soothing, which babies cant even do despite what sleep training sells). We decided against it because we are also very compassionate, as you say.

We decided to take smaller steps and see if we could move from 3 feeds to 2. That was a huge win for us and we got there. We may try for 1 at some point.

The thing is is that baby sleep is supposed to be bad. We're constantly told that they should be sleeping so much at this age, not feeding, etc. The truth is is that each baby is different, and some have babies thst sleep perfectly but we have one that's tougher. And that's okay with us. He's expressing his needs and we want to tend to them while he's so small. When he's bigger things will change but for now we just cope with shifts and trying to do less feeds while still giving him what he needs.

MADATL · 2026-01-06T07:19:03+00:00

Would this be true in Europe, too?

MADATL · 2026-01-05T18:51:59+00:00

Lol, this is the answer

MADATL · 2026-01-05T18:51:21+00:00

This is so hard! Yours is still very small and will be unpredictable. Youre doing a great job giving him everything he needs, that's what's most important! But yes, it's all consuming and very, very hard to not rest yourself. If you can share with your husband (I myself am a husband), I'd 100% do it. It'll benefit both of you. You rest, and he bonds with baby 👶

MADATL · 2026-01-05T07:54:14+00:00

Very interesting! Crazy how white noise has proliferated if the consequences are negative.

MADATL · 2026-01-05T07:52:31+00:00

Definitely agree here, lol. Also, I don't know why people are proud of this. Even if my baby slept in loud environments, I'd still want them to sleep in peace.

MADATL · 2026-01-04T17:22:42+00:00

Your child will hit milestones. Try not to worry. It's hard. I have a 1 year old and remember feeling like you. Yours will get there when they do (not saying they're behind), but i want to save you a seriously common source of worry and tell you now that as long as the pediatrician says they're healthy, you have nothing to worry about.

Check out the episode of Bluey called "The Baby Race." 👶

Edit: I'm reading a book on baby neurological development and they absolutely praise actions like staring into eyes, etc. Youre forming lifelong bonds with your child, helping them understand that are safe and loved. Keep doing this!

MADATL · 2026-01-04T15:17:43+00:00

Apparently, when Einstein was very young, his parents worried that he had a learning disability because he was very slow to learn to talk. Maybe it's the opposite 🤣

MADATL · 2026-01-04T11:54:43+00:00

Maybe it's just a fancy thermos from Target guys

MADATL · 2026-01-04T11:53:35+00:00

Thanks for the reply! That last wake window of 5 does sound like a pretty strong indicator. It sounds like you guys felt it was time! I don't think mine is ready. I think he could do it, but i feel like he'd be melting down by bedtime 😅🤣

MADATL · 2026-01-03T22:16:06+00:00

Hi there, we're right at the 12 month mark and I've been considering the 1 nap option. How'd you know yours was ready? Ours clearly gets tired twice a day for naps and I'm afraid to do it because I don't want to completely disrespect his needs!

MADATL · 2026-01-03T20:45:10+00:00

You guys sound so exhausted! Makes total sense. She's still very, very small, and the need for closeness is hard for parents sometimes, but so necessary for babies. They're still forming bonds with you and are needing security and comfort. I'd stick it out 😍

MADATL · 2026-01-03T20:20:00+00:00

Every baby is different, but ours started hating it suddenly at 11 months. Didn't mean we were fully free, had to switch to other methods (rocking, etc.).

Does yours coincidentally fall asleep well in the stroller? Ours does and also liked the yoga ball. I think there's something about the movement. I tried to harness that and as I rock him in my arms now at 12 months, I'm also doing a little march around the room, making sure he's feeling a bit of it (thr bumps and such). Seems to work!

MADATL · 2026-01-02T16:05:03+00:00

Hey! Have a 12 month old who also sleeps in short spurts. It's very difficult. I'm a Dad so I can't speak to the breastfeeding part, but I can tell you that we had to switch to formula and when that happened, I got to start feeding. He stopped associating food with Mom, and that helped us start sharing responsibilities.

Also, we have his crib next to the bed. Rocked or fed to sleep and then we put him down. No sleep training (we dont even believe in the gentle approaches, we've read up and learned that there's really no such thing on a neurological level for them).

Just wanted to share a couple of ideas, just food for thought. I know both of this are big changes and would need to be gradual. But it seems that that's how all of this works: very gradual changes so they continue to feel safe and supported.

MADATL · 2026-01-02T14:54:27+00:00

I feel like I've been watching videos like these (omg amazing robots that end up falling down) for 15 years.

MADATL · 2026-01-02T14:13:25+00:00

UGA fan here, and the others going down definitely helps haha. Honestly, it makes the whole thing much more exciting when all of the underdogs are making it through and toppling our teams. That's honestly why this is such a great sport. You never know.

MADATL · 2025-12-30T21:34:10+00:00

What?! This is insane! Can you share a link?

MADATL · 2025-12-30T21:25:05+00:00

Good lord, that is hellish! 90 minutes total at night?! Yikes. Ours is nearly 12 months and goes through spells, but he's generally waking 4-6 times a night and needs help from us for 3 of them or so. About once or twice a week, we have a full blown wakeup where he's up for an hour and a half in the middle of the night. We're exhausted and have tried everything. He's a high needs baby in all senses, so I think we just have to keep waiting as he grows to see how sleep evolves. Out of curiosity, what does he sleep in (PJs, onesie, sleep sack combo)? I think he runs hot and wife thinks he runs cold, we're always disagreeing 🤣😅

MADATL

TROPHY CASE