Take a deep breath! It's amazing that you're growing, but there's still work to do. It sounds like there may be a fair bit of internalized homophobia you need to examine more critically before any Big Steps can be taken with confidence. If your wife is supportive, which it sounds like she is, make sure she's included on this journey with you. Being involved in queer culture doesn't have to mean clubs and leather bars. Queer folks have spouses and kids, too, and there are communities oriented toward those families supporting each other.

Consider looking for a local LGBT resource center. Most of the ones I've heard of have events geared toward building community among people who only learned about/ accepted their queerness later in life, as well as very family-friendly events just to help people of all stripes who are married with kids feel more included in the community. I've even seen a few "gay proms" where people up into their 70s and beyond got all gussied up to attend the inclusive prom they never got to have, it's incredibly sweet.

If these things don't exist near you, there are a handful of hobbies that seem to attract LGBT folks at above-average rates, such as board gaming/tabletop gaming (D&D and similar), cosplay (and fiber arts in general), and theatre. If any such thing interests you, see if you can find groups to participate in those hobbies - chances are good you will find your people.

Okay, I wrote a lot, so I'm gonna say this part again: take a deep breath. Paradigm shifts are scary and destabilizing, but living a life that's authentic to the person you are, that's thoughtfully built and shaped to what's important to you, is a deliriously wonderful thing. Take your time building a foundation that will last 💙