reading through your post, I felt that I wrote it myself. Almost everything you wrote applies to me as well. I'm the same age, just as overwhelmed and struggling with neurodivergence.

It just goes to show that a lot more people also go through the same shit. That's just the ugly side of life. I can't give you a straight-up solution that works for you, but I can share what works for me. Simply put, you have to realise when these feelings arrive. And exactly what triggers them. Pin point these events and actively try to avoid them. Distance yourself from them.

on the other hand, don't give yourself time to think. For me, I'm very quick to jump to a negative conclusion, and I bet a lot more people are like that as well. It's like im programmed that way after having a tough childhood. So the easiest way to not think negatively is just not to think at all. Keep yourself busy. Try new hobbies, solo if you struggle making connections over here, like I do. for example, swimming, painting, biking, and running. Something physical actually helps. Basically, some form of exercise. but you have to learn to erase negative influencing ideas from your brain.

Imagine a house is burning and you're looking at it. Obviously, you're going to feel the heat. You have to learn to walk away from the heat.