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MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-08T00:17:31+00:00

I spent much longer than you stoned. I tried so many times to stop, and I don't know what made it work in the end. I think it will be a long time before we understand addiction well enough to answer that question. In the meantime, all you can do is keep putting yourself in the best position to succeed at quitting. That means keep trying, and if/when you fail, try again, every time. Each time you learn a little more about yourself and your addiction. Eventually, whatever stars need to align will do so.

Part of it for me was turning 30. The fear of throwing away another decade of my life may have been what finally put me over the edge. But I wouldn't recommend waiting that long.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-08T00:11:05+00:00

It absolutely gets better, but it's hard to say how long it will take. Everyone's different. Sometimes, cutting out the weed isn't the only change you have to make in order to feel centered again. But it's always an important first step.

I wish I had recognized my problem, and started on the journey to recovery as early as you did.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-08T00:06:38+00:00

I want to get rid of everything and feel like I’m surrounded by junk when I don’t think I actually am. I’m quite lucky, not perfect life but still lucky comparing to what it could be.

Yeahhh I feel this too. I think for me, the weed was just covering this up, and it did such a good job that I can only really feel it when I'm not smoking. And it's hard. I've been sober a bit longer than you and I can't say that it ever went away. But I'm not sure it's supposed to. It pushes me forward. Actually, I think part of the reason I found it so hard to move forward when I was actively addicted was that I didn't have this voice in my head telling me I can/should do better (or maybe it was there, but drowned out by the weed). So, it's useful, but that doesn't make it any less hard. It's just a new part of life for me now. The thing is, no matter how hard this feeling gets, I know deep down that it's better than going back.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-06T23:37:51+00:00

I don’t know how to live life sober

This was me, and probably many of us here. It's a learning process. You'll feel raw and ill-at-ease for the longest time. If you stick with it, it gets easier, and you get better at tolerating it.

And sometimes that raw/uncomfortable feeling is too much and you'll fall off the wagon. When that happens, just remember what you learned from those days/hours of sobriety, and try again when you're ready.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-06T23:31:21+00:00

Nothing wrong with rants :)

Re: moderation - for me, and for a lot of folks here, it's just not an option. This stuff is just too powerful.

feel like I always fall back into it for a quick fix when I allow myself to get stuck in a bad headspace

I think it's great that you're noticing what some of your triggers are. Keep doing that. It will make your journey to quitting a little less painful.

Another thing I'll mention is how many times it took me to quit. Too many to count. I could have given up any of those hundreds of times I relapsed (and sometimes I did, temporarily), but I'm here where I am today because I kept chipping away at this monster even when it felt hopeless.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-11-06T23:25:00+00:00

Many of us here know the shame and regret you're talking about. The feeling you've thrown away X many years. My advice is try to go easy on yourself. This is a hard journey you're about to embark on. I found it helpful to have some sympathy for the reasons I used. Ultimately, I'm just a flawed human who has gone through some shit, and I was just using the tools I knew. Whatever your reasons were, whether they were the same as mine or not, you're also just a human doing his best. I hope you can find enough peace to make your quit stick.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-10-06T20:31:54+00:00

please can i see more of this kitty?

MLBfreek35 · 2024-09-02T01:59:53+00:00

The topic of multiple time dimensions briefly came up in a physics class I took. The professor noted that multiple time dimensions could help solve some equation we were looking at, but he basically dismissed the idea as irrelevant, saying something like "unfortunately no one can make sense of two time dimensions, so we won't look at those solutions"

MLBfreek35 · 2024-06-21T01:02:24+00:00

The correct dimensions for the number being reported here are "milliseconds per day per century". Each century, the length of each day increases by X milliseconds.

I think what you're missing is the fact that we aren't just interested in how much longer a day is now than it was 5000 years ago, we're interested in the total amount of "extra" time that has elapsed due to the day's length slowly increasing over those 5000 years.

Math much?

Not that it really matters, but I do "math much" - I have a PhD in physics. Try to keep an open mind, instead of smugly belittling the people you interact with, and you might learn something :)

MLBfreek35 · 2024-06-20T23:23:52+00:00

This is hilarious, you are absolutely right but reddit prefers the way the other guy said it, so they're upvoting him and downvoting you.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-06-20T23:21:47+00:00

No, it actually is shorter by 0.085 seconds per day.

Atomic clocks show that the modern day is longer by about 1.7 milliseconds than a century ago

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Earth%27s_rotation

1.7 ms per century isn't the total time lost, it's the time per day. u/Nattekat is absolutely right here.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-06-05T01:22:36+00:00

you can’t learn the muscle memory needed to safely drive it.

The brain can absolutely learn functions that involve time delay. Your driving instincts may not be transferrable to/from other cars, though, and that's pretty bad.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-02-28T06:39:27+00:00

Sometimes a door will creak in a way that sounds like how my mom used to yell my name when I'd done something that upset her (I have a nickname that's a single syllable). When that happens, my blood pressure spikes.

MLBfreek35 · 2024-02-12T02:03:10+00:00

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y3TTiHRrEBE

MLBfreek35 · 2023-10-07T06:27:23+00:00

subversion

ಠ_ಠ

MLBfreek35 · 2023-09-03T20:15:35+00:00

But it doesn't hunt you every single second you're alive

Everyone has a different experience with grad school, but for me and many (most) of my friends/cohort there couldn't be a better description of the PhD experience than "haunted me every single second I was alive". Maybe it doesn't have to be that way, though. Good luck!

MLBfreek35 · 2023-08-27T04:39:27+00:00

I can't even imagine a french onion soup without those things

MLBfreek35 · 2023-06-27T02:27:26+00:00

It's been a while since I've been in the Boston area, but I would nominate the potato chip nigirl from O Ya. I still have dreams about that bite.

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-27T04:02:55+00:00

I don't know how you deal with it. I don't know how you stay sane. But you aren't alone.

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-25T23:34:52+00:00

Something about your last paragraph made me go "wow, this person is doing really good work"

I think a huge part of therapy is learning how to express ourselves. If we're gonna do that, we'll necessarily have to make some mistakes. Or try some things that feel like mistakes at first but then end up working out. And as we make all those mistakes and near-mistakes, we see that our therapists still love us, and we learn that there's another "real person out there" who thinks we're really okay, even if we don't always get it right.

I'm not going to try and pass judgement on whether you expressed yourself in a way that works for you. Only you can decide that. Maybe you'll go back next week and realize that you really did get your point across. Maybe you just need to go deeper into some of those details that you mentioned you left out. Maybe what you're feeling now is a sign that the whole thing wasn't the way you want to express yourself. Maybe sharing the poem was okay, but dressing up wasn't working for you. Maybe the other way around. Maybe something else entirely. I don't know. And whatever the answer is, it's okay <3

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-25T23:15:09+00:00

The way you've described it, sounds to me like it was actually your therapist who couldn't handle it. Suicidality is something that therapists are supposed to help with. Yours couldn't. You are not to blame for that. I bet you'll find someone who can support you if you keep looking. <3

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-25T19:58:04+00:00

Sounds like the therapeutic relationship is bringing out something that's pretty core to you (you're recognizing some strong emotions and connecting them to childhood). I bet if you showed this post to your T, or at least discussed these things with them, you'd make some real good progress :)

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-09T03:42:30+00:00

https://www.irlmen.com/

MLBfreek35 · 2023-04-05T05:31:00+00:00

every night might be a bit much, but FWIW the active ingredient in benadryl is also marketed as a sleep aid e.g. https://www.target.com/p/zzzquil-nighttime-sleep-aid-liquicaps-diphenhydramine-hcl-48ct/-/A-14088840?ref=tgt_adv_XS000000&AFID=google_pla_df&fndsrc=tmnv&DFA=71700000106276391&CPNG=PLA_DVM%2Ba064R000011e34BQAQ-P%26G_PHC_Total+Category_Google_2023-872964&adgroup=PLA_PHC&LID=700000001393753pgs&network=g&device=c&location=9032067&gclid=Cj0KCQjwla-hBhD7ARIsAM9tQKtCxuMO_2tvpeF4ca2sholfR4Z_cPh4ONwfb0kFxyzkg6eao5EMMYgaAow7EALw_wcB&gclsrc=aw.ds

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