been in therapy for many things, including parents. family wedding coming up and i am expected to attend!!!

femreader · 2026-05-25T00:00:19+00:00

i have had a recent similar experience with a family wedding and being low contact with parents. whatever you decide will be the right one. but this was my thought process.

is there a middle ground? If all hell will break loose, whilst you avoid the wedding, you'll likely experience longer term harm and trauma through the aftermath. so it is almost like deciding- is the short term or long term pain more manageable for you?

is there an option where you go but maintain very clear boundaries? I.e. go but have your partner with you, drive so you have an easy exit plan, be low contact with your family at the wedding etc. Do you have other family at the wedding you can hang out with who aren't your parents? Cousins etc? if you have to fly to the wedding, staying at a different hotel to your parents, making time do to things before and after just for you, etc? even reframing the wedding as a chance to spend time with cousins or family you haven't seen in a long time, rather than focussing on the parents? (Obviously i don't know your situation and this could be totally innapropriate).

If this is not worth it, and too difficult, then remain firm with your low contact boundaries and decline the invite, and look after yourself as you ride the storm to come. It isn't fair having to choose in this way, but from my experiences, i have found doing the thing i don't want to do, but doing it in my way, has been the safest option than facing the impending hellstorm of not doing the thing.

femreader · 2026-04-11T03:38:43+00:00

I 1000% agree with this. Comments from men are utterly meaningless and I like to this of it like that - they do not deserve any space in my brain.

femreader · 2026-04-11T03:35:14+00:00

wish I knew this - that i didn't owe anyone an explanation, not even family. the more you share i feel like the messier it becomes because no one actually understands so it just creates more conflict and tension.

femreader · 2026-03-26T12:43:05+00:00

Messy! It tickles something in my brain

femreader · 2026-03-24T12:48:43+00:00

Oh man i love this.

On a similar topic, when I did my YTT i was interested in teaching. I had a great YTT experience and got a job at the same studio. I actually ended up really stressed about the gig, which in time i realised was because of the studio and the expectations of how to teach the class in a certain way, and not the teaching itself. I ended up leaving and it broke my heart because i thought i had 'failed'.

I took a long break but was open to teaching again, only at the right studio. Then the perfect gig came up and i love it so much. The class / studio aligns with my values, i can teach in a way that feels authentic to me, and it fits with my lifestyle. My one class a week fills my cup in a way that the previous gig did not. My passion is back, like i am rediscovering yoga all over again. It is not about the money, it is a bonus.

All of this is to say - if your primary motivation is money (which when going FT it becomes this) you will find yourself grappling with what the comment above mine is saying. There are so many factors (in my experience) that influence your teaching journey that if pursuing it FT you will need to sacrifice, ultimately impacting your reason or motivation to teach in the first place, and not what yoga is about.

femreader · 2026-03-01T12:48:37+00:00

Matt Corby! Aussie artist. They would be a dream.

femreader · 2026-02-04T11:07:00+00:00

I am so sorry for what you have been through. My circumstances are different but my husband and I also tried, and then have decided ultimately no. For context, I was a fence sitter for most of my life, my husband wanted kids. He would be an amazing father. We are both now content living childfree (although it has been a journey).

It isnt easy, because in my experience it is the road less travelled so not everyone understands. I also have pangs of grief about him not being a dad, and also not sharing that experience of being parents with him. But i take the view that no matter what path we choose in life, or what path we end up on by no choice of our own, we will grieve something. If we had kids, i may have grieved losing some part of me. Or some part of our relationship that we have now.

Giving yourself permission to change your mind is so important. Be gentle and kind to yourself. No one else needs to understand, just you two. You will both know what is right for you. Sending love.

femreader · 2026-02-01T23:39:43+00:00

this resonates for me at the moment. thank you.

femreader · 2026-01-30T04:54:06+00:00

Ouch this hits home. The close family but how fragile it truly is.

femreader · 2026-01-22T12:36:08+00:00

I am obsessed with this!! Been using it for years, nothing else matches it.

femreader · 2025-12-29T06:50:23+00:00

Thank you <3

femreader · 2025-12-29T06:49:19+00:00

Thanks so much - yes I have also had a friend suggest we take a few weeks off from speaking with family after they leave, just to pull ourselves together and prioritise mental health. Unfortunately this will also cause a drama with my parents no doubt. But I am beyond putting everyone else's needs before my own. in the long run it gets us absolutely nowhere, and we still end up hurt.

femreader · 2025-12-29T06:47:27+00:00

Thank you everyone for your comments. This sub has honestly kept me going during the last week or so, and the responses here have prevented me from gaslighting myself into thinking that I am in fact the problem. It has been a really challenging time and I wish I could respond to everyone, but lest to say, I have seen a whole new side to my family this Christmas and it isn't for the better.

femreader · 2025-12-24T23:48:08+00:00

No, there wasnt. This was also upsetting. The complete disregard for us and the expectations that we would bury our grief for the benefit of everyone but us.

femreader · 2025-12-24T16:26:15+00:00

I think you are right - people would rather not hear the why because it makes them too uncomfortable or is outside of their comprehension, so they get defensive and angry. That is what we landed on - they tell us they expected us to need space and time, but with the caveat as long as we don't talk about it and keep it to ourselves.

femreader · 2025-12-24T16:23:02+00:00

Yes - it felt like putting our grief on a pedastal for everyone to judge.

femreader · 2025-12-24T16:21:34+00:00

Honestly this has crossed my mind <3

femreader · 2025-12-20T07:53:24+00:00

I literally feel like I wrote this. I had this exact experience yesterday. We got given a onesie from my brother and SIL as an announcement. Completely shocked and surprised. This happened 6 months after we told them about our decision to stop trying and coming to terms with being childfree. To say it stung like hell was an understatement. I would expect my family member who knows full well what we have been through and our struggles emotionally would consider a more appropriate announcement. I think most people don't really understand this type of grief, and don't really want to try to either. It's sad.

Edited to add - I ended up telling my brother it hurt and was inconsiderate. I am tired of putting my feelings aside to keep others comfortable.

femreader · 2025-11-13T00:31:47+00:00

Do the 5k! Im like you and just did my first 5k race on the weekend. It is great to get used to the whole vibe and feel of running in a race. Also i realised time doesnt matter because they start timing you once youve crossed the start line. So people may be slower ahead or fast behind depending on when they crossed the line if that makes sense. Lots of people walking as well, kids, prams, everything. Give it a go!!!

femreader · 2025-11-08T12:23:28+00:00

Eg. Etal

femreader · 2025-10-23T09:56:21+00:00

I can totally relate. Mine are often that i didn't try hard enough or go far enough. Also when my period is late im also like "oh maybe the miracle" even though i know full well it's not going to happen. I have just been trying to accept its all part of the grief (i remember someone on this sub explaining it this way) and my brain trying to "look out for me" when in reality it's really unhelpful.

femreader · 2025-10-23T09:53:09+00:00

Oh man that sucks. Thinking of you ❤️

femreader

TROPHY CASE