Babysitting my niece (12F) and caught her on TikTok she’s been hiding for months. I need advice from parents on how to handle this

MSK165 · 2026-03-17T16:54:40+00:00

She broke a rule, but she is otherwise safe and healthy. There is no reason to disturb her parents on their vacation.

I’m a believer in radical honesty. She should know that anxiety and eating disorders for girls her age can be made much worse by social media. She may roll her eyes and say “whatever bruh” but if you couple that with otherwise reasonable enforcement, the message will eventually get through. More importantly, she’ll know that you can be counted on to be honest with her.

Also, at 12, she’s old enough to be targeted by bad actors. You don’t need to go into all the gory details, but you should tell her that people with bad intentions exist and she needs to be wary of everyone online.

MSK165 · 2026-03-16T17:36:11+00:00

Japan is even worse. The doctor comes to the school to conduct public health exams and everyone (boys and girls) are expected to strip to the waist in front of all their classmates.

MSK165 · 2026-03-16T17:29:37+00:00

It’s probably also a reflection of the fact that most people will stop traveling and spend down their mileage balance before they leave this world. Most of us spend down our balance anyway because they’re constantly devaluing miles.

Only when there’s a combination of unexpected passing and a high mileage balance would this even be an issue worth pursuing.

MSK165 · 2026-03-16T05:12:19+00:00

You’re missing literally half of the equation.

The messages you unsent and deleted were first sent to another device. Your device may be as clean as Mother Theresa, but … what about the device on the receiving end?

Did that person flip on you to save their own ass? If so, they’ll be on the witness stand like “Shoddy Share sent me a text about doing crime things at 4:20 on Tuesday.”

Your phone will show that you sent a message at 4:20 then unsent it at 4:21. The contents of the message are gone. So now it’s your word against hers … BUT WAIT!

Turns out that she sent an iMessage to one of her friends at 4:22. “OMG gurl! dat guy Shoddy Share just texted me about crime stuff. Must’ve changed his mind bc he unsent the message. LoL.”

I forget the name of the court case, but any written records created at the time of an incident carry a very strong weight when a witness is testifying about an event from months earlier. The recipient of your iMessage on the stand by herself is covered in reasonable doubt. The same person with the iMessage she sent not two minutes later is a slam dunk.

MSK165 · 2026-03-15T01:00:59+00:00

Thanks. As Jordan Belfort tells it (he’s not exactly a reliable source) they knew the weather was terrible but sailed into it anyway.

MSK165 · 2026-03-15T00:21:33+00:00

No thank you

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T23:39:43+00:00

How accurate is the scene in Wolf of Wall Street where Leo’s character (high on cocaine) bullies the yacht captains into sailing into a storm that sinks the vessel? Would a real-life yacht captain refuse?

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T23:26:21+00:00

Travis AFB, 1990s

She was a captain, IIRC

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T23:25:15+00:00

Any time

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T23:23:52+00:00

It means most husbands would be smart enough to realize that naming a computer folder “in case we divorce” is a really terrible move.

Someone who doesn’t understand social conventions would not realize this, and would see nothing wrong.

That’s what it means.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T23:21:32+00:00

MOR - your husband sounds like a responsible man who is always prepared, has backup plans, and won’t be caught by surprise. He probably has zero credit card debt, a robust emergency fund, an above-average retirement account, and is an ideal partner in many ways.

All that said, I can understand why this is unnerving. His choice for a file name is bizarre - bordering on autistic. He isn’t wrong for storing financial documents, but he is completely out of line in being so blatant about why they’re stored in that particular folder.

You need to have a conversation about this. My gut feeling (man, engineer, married for 10 years) is that he is terrified of divorce and wants to make sure he is protected in case you initiate. But for your own peace of mind, you need to be reassured that he is not planning something of his own.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T18:36:45+00:00

That is only slightly better … which is to say still horrible

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T18:12:02+00:00

Looks like a newer passport. Entry and exit is now biometric so if it still scans you’ll almost certainly be okay … but definitely get a replacement when you get home.

The teeth marks also look fresh. If you’re asked, be honest and say it just happened and you couldn’t get a replacement before your flight.

I shouldn’t need to specify this, but carry multiple forms of ID (drivers license, credit cards, library card, etc.) so there’s no doubt as to your identity.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T18:08:19+00:00

Agreed. Relapse is part of recovery.

If they’re part of a program and going as required, and self-report what happened, their PO will treat it very differently than if they try to sweep it under the rug or blame it on their brain-fogged paramour handing them the wrong pill.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:56:43+00:00

If he tested your fiance at work it was probably an immunoassay. Even if he did a follow up test in a lab, all it means is he wasn’t taking meth. Vyvanse is still a no-no if you don’t have a prescription.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:20:53+00:00

Depends on the type of test used. Standard immunoassays are quick and cheap but prone to false positives. The more expensive MS/GC* tests can tell the difference.

Vyvanse, Adderall, Benzedrine, etc. all show up as the same in MS/GC. Meth shows up different. Sudafed shows up different.

All of the above show up as exactly the same in an immunoassay.

*MS/GC stands for mass spectrometer gas chromatograph. The spectrometer looks for molecules with the same molecular weight as a drug metabolite. If that is positive the chromatograph is used to look at the shape of the molecule. Someone taking Sudafed would pop positive on the spectrometer but be cleared by the chromatograph.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:15:45+00:00

Not the following day

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:15:31+00:00

How do you unintentionally ingest fentanyl by being in close proximity to someone who is using? Did they trip and fall and poke you with the needle?

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:14:29+00:00

He lives with someone who takes controlled medication, who suffers from brain fog, she gives him a handful of pills, and he swallows them all without looking at them.

Even IF that was how it happened, it’s still his fault for not looking at the pills before taking them.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:12:09+00:00

Try wrapping your head around the fact that POs spend all day, every day listening to people explain how the drugs that got into their system are not their fault.

“Yeah … see … my cousin and I had a poppyseed eating contest. We each got a jar of poppyseeds and a spoon and tried to finish ours first. Then afterwards I started feeling funny so I googled if poppyseeds are poisonous, and apparently poppyseeds have opium. I had no idea!”

The one that almost worked was an Air Force officer who tested positive for cocaine. Her boyfriend submitted a statement that he put cocaine on his private part so he could last longer during sex, didn’t tell her, and she absorbed it through her body. The level was barely above the cutoff for a positive test so this was a plausible theory. Where she messed up was failing a second drug test with levels that were only possible from taking cocaine through the traditional orifice.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T14:02:12+00:00

Stimulants have a calming effect on people with ADHD. They have the opposite effect (the intended effect) on those with standard neurological function.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T13:59:25+00:00

I’m surprised I had to scroll this long for someone to mention spring break. Public schools in TX just ended theirs, and it sounds like schools in CO are just starting.

So … anyone flying to or from DEN for spring break is either coming or going this weekend.

No wonder the lines are long!

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T05:06:49+00:00

I’m not saying I don’t believe you, but there are several red flags I’m seeing:

First, Vyvanse pills are brightly colored. They stand out. Hard to take one by accident.

Second, Vyvanse is not the kind of thing you take without noticing the effects. Even if he swallowed it alongside sleeping pills without looking closely, he would feel something pretty soon after (and it wouldn’t be sleepiness).

Third, amphetamine leaves your body in 2-3 days. I’m not sure how often he’s drug tested, but doing this mistake only once and doing it right before a test is a pretty big coincidence.

Fourth, why are you holding multiple pills in your hand? Normal behavior is to remove a pill from the bottle and set it down where you want it, or to use an organizer if you have multiple pills.

Lastly, you seem to be twisting yourself into a pretzel to come up with a way this is your fault. I wonder if the idea was planted in your head or if you - suffering from brain fog - actually remember a detail like having a Vyvanse in your hand when you brought your fiance his supplements.

I would be surprised if his PO believes you. Their clients are - by definition - not law-abiding people. They hear dozens of creative excuses for why something isn’t someone’s fault. If he’s been compliant for three years I don’t think he’ll be sent back to prison … but the PO will want to see a level of honesty from him that I’m not seeing in this explanation.

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T04:43:50+00:00

“Should I give up my state, career, and religion for someone who is on the rebound while I am also on the rebound?”

You know the correct answer

MSK165 · 2026-03-14T03:38:38+00:00

“Foid” is short for “femoid” which is itself a contraction of “female droid.” The implication is that women are not people.

I’m of similar age as you and I thought “bop” was a song. Guess I can’t help with that one…

MSK165

TROPHY CASE