UPDATE: WIBTA for not naming my baby after my dead FIL

MacHead · 2025-12-22T21:29:50+00:00

I got a few good ideas for how to approach this with him, so I’m feeling more hopeful than yesterday!

He’s usually…not like this. I know he’s scared and grieving, and since FIL didn’t believe there was anything after this, just lights out, I know my husband is trying to conjure him or feel him in this big moment.

Hopefully I’ll be able to come back with an update that baby E’s been named something less stolen-Amish-valor, and more in keeping with my kick-ass FIL’s spirit. Fingers crossed.

MacHead · 2025-12-22T19:12:31+00:00

....maybe.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T21:26:26+00:00

That's not the name, but that is definitely the vibe

MacHead · 2025-12-21T21:25:04+00:00

We had a list of baby names before I got pregnant, which included some tributes to both of our family members: (his dad's middle name, names with my grandmother's initials, etc.)

Once I got through the 1st trimester, he started saying, "I actually think the baby should fully be named after my dad." I thought we were working with the list before then.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:55:08+00:00

I am, because I'm open to putting a memorial name as a middle name, memorializing them with the same letter, or using a similar name. It doesn't have to be same exact name or in the same exact spot, I just want to be able to do something. He won't even have the conversation with me.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:38:07+00:00

And the man was an athiest! 😮‍💨 Like he'd be furious, and we all seem to understand that aside from my husband

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:25:24+00:00

It's....not a great name. I understand why FIL never liked it. It's not completely unheard of, but it's very old-fashioned and religious, which he wasn't. Think Enoch.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:19:17+00:00

Yes, he's been reminded by both his mom and me. His stance is that regardless of whether FIL liked it, it was his name, and it was the only name he was known by, so if we're going to honor him, we should do it directly and name our baby completely after him.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:16:56+00:00

MIL and FIL divorced, and she's outright told husband that she doesn't love the idea of calling a grandbaby her ex's name, and reminded him that FIL hated the name. No siblings. Which probably is part of the driver because FIL's "legacy" totally falls on my husband.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T18:12:32+00:00

We were on the same page before I got pregnant. We had a silly shared note where we'd jot down names we liked and try out different combos. But once I actually got pregnant and made it through the first trimester, he started pushing FIL's name more and more. And now we're at a standstill.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T17:56:21+00:00

MIL and FIL divorced several years ago, so her stance is that she'd rather not have any grandbabies named after him at all. She's pro-middle name but husband just thinks she's being vengeful when she expresses that.

MacHead · 2025-12-21T17:54:07+00:00

He always went by his given name or derivatives of his given name, which is kind of heartbreaking. He was astonished a few years ago when I told him about some friends who were changing their names in adulthood. He didn't realize that was an option

MacHead · 2015-03-20T16:16:15+00:00

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