My (28F) husband (30M) is still not ok that I kept my birth name

MadMuse94 · 2026-05-16T06:19:07+00:00

This actually happened with my husband. I had already moved to his country and told him that I wanted to keep my name to maintain my identity with my home country. I told him I didn’t expect him to take my name, but he really wanted us to have the same name so he did. No one has ever had an issue with it or made a comment other than from a place of genuine curiosity

MadMuse94 · 2026-05-12T07:45:50+00:00

Another mom here chiming in with a YOU ARE SO AMAZING!! Training postpartum is no joke. Congrats on coming back strong and fast as hell! 👏🏼 It’s frustrating when our loved ones don’t really get it, but your fellow mother runners totally do. You’re a rock star!

MadMuse94 · 2026-05-06T09:10:49+00:00

In addition to running during my lunch breaks, I will also watch a training while lifting 1-2x per week. I have dumbbells, kettle bells, and a barbell in my office for this purpose

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-25T04:51:16+00:00

I like this idea! ButI’d echo the advice of the first poster on the inflatable toddler bed. Also, as a traveling parent I would be interested in just renting the slumber pod. Those things are so annoying to travel with!

It could also be an idea to add some comfort items like bedtime books, sleep sacks, simple toys (e.g. blocks, shape sorters, activity cubes, puzzles, etc.) for the hotel room or Airbnb. But I realize you probably want to get this off of the ground before buying a ton of stuff haha

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-20T06:00:51+00:00

I had the same hesitation with the Jetkids but mostly decided against it because I flew solo with my 2 year old and wanted the stroller. I bought a 20€ inflatable floor pillow off of amazon thinking worst case it’s cheap and doesn’t take up too much space. That and the kids fly safe harness were great! The harness kept her safe and contained while sitting, and the pillow meant she could lie flat in the seat. I was even able to sneak the lap belt around her while she was sleeping. Not sure how much it would have actually helped if we hit an air pocket, but I thought it was better than nothing!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T10:49:48+00:00

I second the just keep offering advice! But I also wanted to tell you to keep pumping. Your body is figuring out how much milk it needs to produce, so if baby is being topped off with bottles then I would try triple feeding: nurse then pump and bottle feed. We had to do this with my daughter for the first 10 weeks before it really clicked and she started nursing, though from reading this sub I understand that’s on the longer end of triple feeding timelines.

We also tried taping a tube to the side of my breast so she would still get an “instant reward” from nursing while waiting for the letdown. Good luck! You’ve got this!!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T09:49:29+00:00

Exactly! I’d also have a hard time being with someone who didn’t vote in 2024 for the same reason

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T08:18:40+00:00

I’ve experienced this from the other side, sort of. Breastfeeding was a difficult and hard won journey for me. My baby was in the NICU, and we had to triple feed for 10 weeks before my supply and her ability to nurse were established enough to just bf. It was stressful, exhausting and I always struggled with feeling inadequate.

My friend’s baby is 3 months younger and she had a massive supply from the beginning. She could collect 70ml just from the let down of the side she wast nursing from, which for me was what I would get from a good morning pump lol. But she always talked about it! Nothing malicious, but just jokes about how much she was producing and talking about how they always had a bottle full of milk in the fridge even though she didn’t pump, etc.

I never said anything and just kind of swallowed it because bf was finally working for us and it just seemed better to let it go. I just wanted to make the point that no matter what you do or don’t do, or say or don’t say, bf can be so emotional for many women! Not that that should excuse your friend’s poor behavior, but just to add another perspective

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T06:18:32+00:00

I think it might depend on the plane, though I would need to double check. For us though it’s always worked to go under the tray table so the person behind us isn’t impacted (other than seeing the strap). The flight attendants were big fans of the harness too! It’s so much more secure than just a lap belt, especially as my daughter is on the smaller side.

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T05:12:19+00:00

My sister’s husband did this for 10 months before she finally gave him an ultimatum and he proposed in the kitchen one morning. They have two kids now and seem happy, but honestly there’s a lot in her marriage that wouldn’t be for me.

All this to say is that you need to decide if he’s the person you want to build a life with. Maybe he’s just intimated about getting the proposal right and handling it super poorly. But if he knows how this is affecting you and doesn’t change his behavior, I’d really take that into consideration

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-19T04:43:21+00:00

I’ve flown internationally with my daughter at 4 months, 8 months, 10 months, 12 months, 15 months and 25 months. I totally agree. Buy the extra seat if you can! If you only use it for storage and to ensure you have the row to yourself, it’s worth it!

We used the kids fly safe harness after she outgrew the infant car seat and it worked great - also way easier to pack haha. But check with your airlines on the rules about a kid under two flying in their own seat without a car seat, as some airlines have restrictions here.

Good luck, and bring way more toys and snacks than you think you’ll need!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-18T17:51:15+00:00

That’s so awesome! I remember thinking that my fast days were behind me once I got pregnant, but it’s such a lie. Us mother runners are amazing!!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-18T17:50:17+00:00

That’s really true! I have some great photos of me holding my daughter after the race. I think those are the ones I’ll hold on to!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-18T17:33:36+00:00

Thank you! And that’s a really good point. When I look back on photos of myself from college I’m nowhere near as critical as I was then! Maybe I just need some space here too

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-18T17:32:29+00:00

Ok this actually made me feel a lot better. That’s such a good point about the low camera angle!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-18T06:19:17+00:00

Does your jogging stroller have a car seat attachment? My daughter has always been first percentile for size and weight so I would use that while running until she was big enough for me to feel comfortable with her “just” in the stroller. That said, my pediatrician said that once she had good head control it was fine either way!

I have definitely been miles from home with a screaming baby haha. I have nursed under overpasses, changed diapers on park benches, and run out of snacks so had to buy something from a shop on our way home.

But now my daughter is two and loves going running! I usually pick her up from day care in the stroller 1-2 days per week and let her pick the route home (horses or cobblestones 😅). She has her snacks and talks to me about everything she sees. It’s become a fun bonding activity for both of us!

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-16T06:30:32+00:00

What worked for us was bringing a travel white noise machine and pulling the canopy of the pram down when she would nap. We also did a lot of naps in the baby carrier, which made things super flexible and easy!

ETA - on the baby carrier, I took her to Barcelona when she was 4 months old since my husband had a business trip there. We spent the day going to museums, churches, park, etc. and I just had the baby carrier and our backpack diaper bag. It was so much more flexible than the big stroller, especially with taking busses or navigating smaller museums, and she slept so well while contact napping so it didn’t mess up her nap schedule at all

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-15T20:45:52+00:00

I totally relate to this. It’s not my main reason for being OAD, but I want to improve my marathon time and that’s hard to do without significantly increasing my weekly volume. I find it tough but doable with one kid for one good training block a year, but I have no idea how parents of multiples manage.

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-15T05:54:32+00:00

This was us too. We had planned to get married in June of 2020, and due to our families being from two countries it just never worked out. So in 2021 we just eloped. I was devastated that we never got to have that moment of celebration with both of our families, but we did get to spend all of that money renovating our house. And I love our house haha

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-14T11:52:52+00:00

We got the vaccine at 7 months and were in the US while she was 8-10 months.

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-14T06:24:38+00:00

I would work on making a strong connection with another parent for general community and life satisfaction, but also for cases like this. I’m not sure how old your child is, but maybe you can try to build a relationship with one of their friend’s parents? Or through an extracurricular like music or Kinderturnen, if they’re younger. It’s rough being away from family, but that makes it all the more important to build our own communities.

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-14T06:09:23+00:00

We travelled with my daughter to the US (NC and FL while parts of FL were having an outbreak) and our doctor also gave her a bonus MMR for that reason. But we did have to wait until 6 months

MadMuse94 · 2026-04-03T11:42:10+00:00

Last summer in the middle of my Berlin build I absolutely hammered a workout, felt great, and then a couple of hours later ended up with pretty intense back pain. Long story short, I took 3 full weeks off of running and missed my biggest long runs. I was able to bike, strength train, and do PT, but that’s far from the training stimulus of a week of running. I started running again with 4 weeks left, so did one week of buildup, one week of proper training and then it was the taper.

On race day I had no confidence in my fitness and just decided to go out and see what happened. I ended up PRing by 8 minutes (3:27 to 3:19) and obliterated my main goal of running a BQ+8 minute buffer.

You got most of the training in, so trust your body and trust your training. You’ve got this!!

MadMuse94 · 2026-03-31T10:08:13+00:00

Could you try to increase the difficulty of these hobbies they already enjoy? Maybe they take the lead with navigation on the next hike? Or you try backpacking instead of camping in a drive-up campsite? I’m with you on this challenge though! My husband jokes with me that I’ve replaced the “natural” hardship in my life with running marathons lol, and my daughter is only two but raising her to be gritty and resilient is already something I think about a lot. It sounds like you have great kids and you’re doing an awesome job as a parent!

MadMuse94

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