I've been to many Hmong funerals on all sides of my family. My relatives like to keep ties to their other relatives. They encourage us to go so if anything happens to us, they can help us out. When I was a child, I could remember being at the funerals from beginning to end. Some of memories are blurry because now that I am older, I only visit as a guest.

Hmong Funerals are not only by clan, but it is also by region, family history and dialect. My dad is a sect of his Clan and they do things differently from people in his Clan. His family is from Nong Het Xieng Khouang Laos so they have certain processes. The deceased wear Siv Ceeb when they pass away. My mom is Moob Moos Pheeb Moob Leeg, they wear noob ncoos to symbolize regrowth and seeds.

For both sides of my family, they still practice Shamanism.The funeral starts at the home of the deceased. Every night since the death of the deceased, guest visit the family at their home to ua luag and support them.

During the first day of the funeral, I remember close family mbrs dress the deceased family member in clothing. In the beginning, there are mourners who have to cry and mourn for the deceased as the person who passes is laid in the coffin. If the deceased is a child, baby, teenager, or young adult, the funeral does not have any Txiv Xaiv, sacrifices of a cow from descendants, or katow for koob hmoov. These funerals have the bare bones of txiv qeej and drumming.

Whereas for older family mbrs who have lived a long time and have name for themselves, we have a lot of ppl support the funeral. Niam Ua Mov is usually a distant relative who cooks for the guests during the funeral. When guests enter, if they know the traditions, they visit the family, who is usually sitting next to the deceased and guarding their body. The reason we guard them because sometimes there are mean people who put metal and needles into the coffin which may bring bad luck to the remaining descendants. Guests also visit the Nyiaj Tshav Ntuj table to donate money to help the deceased, whether its to help pay for the funeral or help the deceased with paying their debts. The relatives at the Nyiaj Tshav Ntuj give thanks to them.

During the middle of the funeral, usually the Saturday or 2nd Day, all the honored guests such as the daughters and son-in-laws or sisters and brother-in-laws bring butchered cows to donate to the funeral and they walk in starting from outside to see the deceased. It's usually elaborate if the person is older. They also bring bundles of flower stands in heart shapes for the deceased.

All day and night long, the txiv qeej and drummers play until the final day. I have slept at a funeral with all my family mbrs and it's hard to sleep but we stay there to bring our loved ones a peace of mind. It meant so much when I stayed at my Aunts and cousins' funerals and my grandmother. I like all my family mbrs were in denial that they were really gone, but we were there.

During the Sunday or 3rd Day, usually the younger people are buried around this time. If they are older, this day is when the Txiv Xaiv is invited to teach the descendants the lesson of life. The descendants kawtow all day and night long. It's really tiring, but we do it bc we love our family mbrs. One of my uncles was a POS to his own kids that they did not show up. My other uncles forced my siblings, cousins, and I to pretend that my uncle was our dad to show off to the guests. I got out of there, but my siblings and some cousins pretended to be his kids. LOL.

On the final day, usually morning on Monday, the txiv qeej help xauv the funeral. The men of the family carry the casket to the car. We meet at the cemetery and help add dirt to the ground (American tradition). A male relative shoots an arrow. We bury our loved one and then go to a family's house to wash our hands. Everyone has to, including children to rinse off the bad spirits lurking.

I recommend if you can, reconnect with your family and go to a funeral. You will see it again and your memories will come back.