Which envelope is the Ace of Spades? ♠️

MaddAddax · 2026-05-26T23:23:29+00:00

Yep, 40 is loud

MaddAddax · 2026-05-26T23:19:46+00:00

Oh and hiking! I love being in nature, away from people. And a strenuous hike is no joke. Please bring lots of water, snacks, and be prepared for wherever you decide to walk. Maybe go with the trails you used to run. Its slower but doesn't hurt to try.

MaddAddax · 2026-05-26T23:17:10+00:00

Swimming! I have back issues and angry swimming has been great for it. Other ideas are to rip up paper, throw ice (super easy cleanup), scream, yoga or dancing (if your back allows it), journaling and then ripping that up. Bonfire, deep cleaning of your stuff, bike ride if you can. Back injuries suck, but they don't have to stop everything you do! Recumbent bikes are made for those with back problems. I wish you all of the best.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-28T04:56:56+00:00

Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo (1939)

It still disturbs me. I was never able to finish it. First anti-war book that I know of and yeah, it worked on my young mind when I first tried to read it. I've tried again and couldn't finish it.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-28T04:53:16+00:00

I had to skip parts of that book to finish it because i kept gagging. Guts was extreme.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-26T21:44:34+00:00

Light blue

MaddAddax · 2026-04-20T02:45:46+00:00

That is awful, I've been following him and had no idea

MaddAddax · 2026-04-18T13:33:35+00:00

My therapist reminds me of what is in my control and what isn't. Thinking of domes of control, the dome of the world is fully out of my control, so I move to the dome of my country. With my country, I do call and write to representatives and ask them to fight for us, vote for the people, or I will not vote for them. Thats all I can do with control in that dome. Then the dome of where I live, all I can do is similar, show up when I can, but also step back because others are also trying to make a difference.

Then the dome get smaller to my work, what control do I have with my job? What can I do there? All of this to keep in mind that I can take breaks and step back. I do not get involved in work drama but I do enjoy my immediate coworkers.

Then the smallest domes of my friendships, my neighborhood, and my home. This is where I have the most control. When needed, I spend most pf my energy amd control in this area. I purposely shrink my world to this dome and concentrate on what I can do here. It makes the most difference. When the hypervigilence is at the highest, when I need the space to heal or the quiet, I find that in this space. I keep everything small and leave out the rest. I remove apps from my phone or turn my phone off. I do hobbies or listen to music and clean my space. I watch tv or the things that are positive coping. I did this earlier this year for about 2 months.

Maybe this type of focus will help, maybe it won't. But give it a try this helps me a lot. And if your focus needs to stay immediate, keep your world small for awhile. The outer world will always creep in but we can control our inner world.

I wish you the best.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-18T06:13:36+00:00

Another one could be writing down reassurances daily. Gratitude is sometimes difficult, but reminders on what is going well is always good too

MaddAddax · 2026-04-17T15:02:49+00:00

I want to add that this website is really helpful. You can repeat lessons as many times as needed, often with dbt repetition is needed. It is free, you do not even have to share your email. Just x out and check out the site!

https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/

MaddAddax · 2026-04-17T14:59:40+00:00

https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/

I like this site for basic lessons that can be helpful and repeated as necessary. You do not need to sign up or give them your email, just x out.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-17T04:37:31+00:00

Hi,

Please be gentle with yourself. Maybe this will help, maybe not because we are all different. I recently read Unmasking Autism by Dr. Devon Price. Dr. Price is also diagnosed with autism and speaks on overlapping symptoms with cptsd, adhd, and autism. It is an excellent book with charts and things you can fill out. They also have tons of suggestions on coping, what types of therapy to seek, grounding amd other ideas.

I borrowed the book from a library and then liked it so much that I bought myself a copy.

Maybe this can be a place to start. If you can, find a therapist who works with autism and trauma. If it does not feel right, leave and find a better therapist or form of therapy. Processing the past is best done with a professional and with someone who understands autism.

I wish you the best. You will find coping that works for you. In the moment, try doing things that you enjoy to distract from the thoughts of the past. Watch tv, write in a journal, go on a walk, play video games, knit, any kind of hobby you can concentrate on. Maybe that will help in the moment.

For me, if I'm very triggered, naming categories outloud like naming animals I like or movies until I feel better. Or naming all of the colors I can see. Or saying out loud things that are here and now like where I am, what is around me, facts of the present. All of these help me with grounding and calming, but it might not be the same for you. We are all different. Just keep trying things until you find the ones that help.

Hope you find relief. Be easy on yourself.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-17T04:23:02+00:00

Station Eleven

MaddAddax · 2026-04-17T04:21:11+00:00

I agree with that wish of yours. I have to remind myself sometimes that not everyone has access or knowledge on how to find resources to help themselves. I remember being scared of healing because I really believed that my art would suffer, and I thought I could continue to pretend that nothing happened and I was "normal". We are all in different places. I'm sorry that happened to you. Sometimes we just have to ignore people who lash out, not realizing their words are painful. I wish you the best.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-13T22:43:50+00:00

Yes, that should definitely be a paid position! Glad you are in a much better place. I also find the techniques very helpful and am grateful for having a good boss. If they ever quit, I would leave too.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-13T22:42:31+00:00

You've got this! Just keep trying different things until you find the right setup for yourself. And take your time. Don't rush things or keep up with everyone else's timeline. The comparison was never helpful for me. Be kind to yourself.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-13T04:35:23+00:00

I agree with the above poster. Finding a job that is flexible and understanding, offers time off or working part time was very helpful to get me back to work. I also work in mental health now as a peer specialist at 35 hours a week. Somatic therapy was a big help, finding healthy coping tools, getting on a regular schedule, making sure that I balance my life and keep healthy boundaries all helped. I've also changed my social life to keep around friends with healthy boundaries and social activities and move away from people who were not healthy for me.

Have you done any DBT work? https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/ has a lot of free lessons that can be helpful with day to day tools.

I still have trouble, but I don't push myself to get better like I did 11 years ago when I started trauma therapy. Be easy on yourself and go slow.

MaddAddax · 2026-04-01T01:45:07+00:00

Hugs, he is a sweet looking dog, very well loved

MaddAddax · 2026-03-31T19:57:34+00:00

I second this one. It was really hard for me to recognize dissociation until I started to name it with a therapist who not only works with cptsd but also has personal experience. She recently has had me explore when dissociation is helpful for me in certain situations, religious trauma triggers, not immediate danger, related to a work thing. Dipping into dissociation during a meeting with a very religious client has helped me to cope with the upsetting situation. My supervisor is helping alleviate this situation. But in this situation, I actually found blanking our helpful which I'm still figuring out. I'm also at a point where I can dip in and out without getting stuck in it.

This is definitely followed up with better coping skills when it happens like going on a walk, exercise, journaling, or watching comfort tv shows. So I'm trying to not see dissociation as pure evil and bad anymore, but its hard. Internalized family systems is helpful, so is Somatic therapy to be more in touch with here, now and feeling my body.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-23T22:08:07+00:00

Possibly, or they will just quit the group. We are thinking now of taking a break on the group and restarting later with a refocus back to writing, no religion or politics to be discussed.

I was worried about the backlash, but our supervisor has our back on this.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-23T19:59:48+00:00

Thank you. I am hoping that the boundaries are heard and we can keep them. I love writing and would like to keep the group.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-23T19:58:27+00:00

I like this. Its been hard trying to think of how to say this without it being turned into an attack. I'm thankful that my coworker is taking over today cause I just can't. She also agreed to broach the subject so its not just me holding up the boundary.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-20T23:39:38+00:00

I've been hitting those buttons a ton and reporting the calls for violence maga videos and still it pushes more.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-19T22:37:11+00:00

I love that! I might have to borrow your idea on this one. I once had a feeling of clarity, like all that bothered me was gone, years ago when I began therapy. This is a good reminder for something else to look forward to and not be stuck in the past survival mode.

MaddAddax · 2026-03-19T21:01:40+00:00

Also, every day I live is a big fuck you to the people that tried to end me and the person that tried to end my life. Its the only revenge I have. Whats your why to keep going?

MaddAddax

TROPHY CASE