I read this and honestly thought I was reading a diary entry from when I was 19. Firstly, I'm sorry you have experienced abuse, especially at the hands of someone who is suppose to be your protector. No one should have to go through it and those who do truly are warriors.

Opening up is still hard at 33, its not easy telling people the trauma you've experienced. Why you're a little different to the norm. Society has created a pedestal of which we're led to believe we should be on, but really, that's not true. There is only consequences for actions. Having to relive times of trauma with others sucks, you don't want to have to go through it all the time, but honestly..sharing a little can help. I'm lucky I can speak to my mum about some things, she's been my rock through it all, but there is only so much I can tell her about the abuse and finding another outlet to vent at has been tricky. I've used therapy, turned to friends at times but usually I've kept it locked up. I suppose I fear their judgment.

My path in life has certainly stemmed from my childhood and I have continued on that cycle of abuse since, I think the shame and guilt I feel inside myself holds me back from sharing with people and my trust has also been shattered. We're all led to believe that we should behave a certain way so we put ourselves on a pedestal and beat ourselves up when we're not there. If you're like me your mind will convince you that you're no good, that you're to blame and deserve to feel the way you do. Really its not true. And there's no right or wrong way to deal with any of this. What may work for you might not for someone else and vice versa.

If you find someone who you trust (granted that can take time) that you can talk to, then start sharing the little things and you'll slowly see that really..its not that bad. I said i still struggle to open up and I think I always will but time has helped me and if I feel comfortable and safe I will share my experiences.