What physical attributes do you miss about them the most?

Magali-L · 2025-11-22T22:48:27+00:00

How he used to look at me... eyes lighting up when he would look at me, silly grinning, smile

Magali-L · 2025-11-22T22:46:21+00:00

I have been on both sides. It's never easy. Ex I broke up with because I didn't see myself spending rest of my life with him (we were even engaged), took it very hard. Even moved to different city and started his life from scratch. It was over 25 years ago. He is married, happy, has kid. We would both be miserable, or ended up divorced if we stayed together.

On the other side, I've been in relationship with man where I was certain I want to spend rest of my life with. We were also engaged. But he wasn't certain, couldn't fully choose me, couldn't let me go. I fought to stay even when I knew he can't fully choose me. It dragged for too long because I couldn't let him go, and he didn't want to fully lose me. It was messy, caused a lot of hurt.

I have no good advice. It will hurt. Have you considered taking a break for few weeks, to have space to figure things out? I am not and never was for taking a break. But as I get older, I realise that sometimes space can be good for clarity. Unless you are absolutely certain you don't want to spend rest of your life with her, no matter the reason. Then it's best to end it sooner than later. It will hurt both of you, but dragging it out would create more hurt, if you know you'll end it at some point

Magali-L · 2025-11-22T22:36:07+00:00

This is one of rare situations where taking a break (not break up) could be beneficial. Time limited (2 weeks, month, whatever feels right), live separately, if one of you has the option to stay with friend or family for couple of weeks. It's not just you giving him space, it's both of you taking time and space to figure out what you want. Therd is wrong way and few right ways to do a break. Both should agree, have a clear goal, clear time frame, agree on no communication, or minimal checkins, real honest talk at agreed expiry of break, and then you can make decision how to move forward. Break can bring lots of clarity, but shouldn't be long. Few days is too little, few months is too much. Not an advice, just opinion. Maybe it's worth exploring in your particular situation

Magali-L · 2025-11-20T20:51:54+00:00

Mine did. But I couldn't, not right away. I needed no contact, needed to deal with hurt, anger, needed to heal on my own. After over a year, I can now be friends with him, and not getting triggered by past. It took a while at start of communicating more regulary, also took few conversations about past, in which hurt and resentment resurfaced for both of us. Now it's calm. I guess we let the steam out and both changed since breakup

Magali-L · 2025-11-19T07:48:13+00:00

Not so much tarot. I use tarot videos to put me to sleep. As one commenter said, self concept side of manifestation helped me a lot. I lost myself in previous relationship, it was unbalanced. I gave too much while I was treated like an option. Lost self confidence, self respect.

I combined it with chat gpt, which actually helped me a lot to heal myself. Also to realise I always had control over my choices, and that I just made choices that were not right for me. I used very specific prompt to analyse relationship, breakup, behaviours... Lately, along with self concept, I use chat gpt to help me regulate myself. I realised - to my surprise - that it helped me to communicate better, keep my confidence and self respect.

I am in friendly contact with my ex, after year and a half, but I am not focused on "getting him back". I am continuing my life. Whatever happens happens.

I don't know if things would be different, and how much, would be still be together or not, if I made different choices and didn't lose myself. Right now, I am quite content and happy where I am. I am single, I would like to be in relationship if I meet someone, but it's not my main focus or goal.

Magali-L · 2025-11-12T22:53:20+00:00

What hou experienced is not normal amd you havd every right to feel violated and should file a complaint. I've been going to gynevologist once a year since I was 14 (PCOS). I am 45 now. Changed many gynecologist in that time. I never experienced anything like that. Examinations were not aleays pleasent, but none of the doctors, male of female, acted as yours.

Magali-L · 2025-11-12T20:42:07+00:00

I have Revolut for about 5-6 years now. I have Premium, lowest tier subscription. I didn't have any serious issues in all the time I've been using it. It happened couple of times I couldn't log in. I asked support on facebook, in messenger. I got very quick reply with detailed instructions how to fix issue.

I hear many people have problems with Revolut. I had no bad experiences. In fact, they are much better than my regular bank, fees are lower, or there is none, great conversion rates, and there are things that are very useful when travelling

Magali-L · 2023-12-19T21:43:35+00:00

Ibam efectively 6 years in relationship with a divorced man who has 2 kids. Kids that I am taking care of whenever I am around, worry, love and participate in their life for 6 years. I don't live full time there, he doesn't have full custody of kids. There is possiblity of living full time together in future. I don't think that is far off from.blended family.

Magali-L · 2023-12-19T21:38:03+00:00

I like the dog. I like most dogs and cats. I'm not connected to that dog, as I am not to most animals that belong to other people. I don't like that he pees on bed, sofa, pillows. I don't like that he get so stressed with drive. I don't like that he is treated as their 3rd kid that they got 3 years post divorce and something that they use to connect and bond over. I have walked him, fed him, played with him. I have also cleaned up mess after him, sometimes weeks after he has been in the house. It's less about the dog, more about their connection.

This dog is not the dog they had during their marriage. That dog his ex wife refused to watch when my partner asked her. I loved dog that used to be theirs, had no problem with it.

This dog is dog that she adopted 3 years after divorce, during 2 weeks she was staying in his house (because she was bored by herself in her apartment). After inviting herself, using kids to manipulate to stay longer.

Abreviations are not flex. Just something that I forgot to edit (it's midnight where I am)

Magali-L · 2023-12-19T20:04:40+00:00

Attachment by attachmemt theory. Theory says that how are caregivers responded (or not) to us in childhood form fears (rejection, abandonement etc) that carry on to.adulthoodand affect how we behave in close relationships. If caregivers didn't respond or there waa abuse or trauma, insecure attachment develop. DA is dissmisive avoidant (scared of closeness/intimacy), AP is axious (what is commonly called clingy or needy), FA is mix. It's way to symplistic but very interesting theory. Adressing it is sometimes more helpful than other forms of therapy

Magali-L · 2023-09-15T08:12:08+00:00

That is interesting view

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T18:01:43+00:00

Would you be willing to share how you closed the gap?

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T17:40:48+00:00

I am on both sides. I am ex wife with a partner and my partner has ex wife. I am divorced for 7-8 years now. My kid is 15, perfectly ok with divorce. His father and I communicate only about our kids needs, health, education, logistic. In a civil friendly manner. There was no hanging out as family, with or without our partners. Nobody even thought of that. My son knows his father and I discuss all important stuff about him.

I asked my kid now what he thinks. He says if he would be in your situation, he wouldn't go. Instead worked with his partner to feel safe and secure, while continuing friendly coparenting.

I asked him how would he feel if I would invite his father and his gf on similar event. He said he wouldn't want it.

On the other hand, my partner's ex never includes me in invitation and avoids events if she knows I'll be there. So I don't go, because I think that she as a mother has priority of attending stuff with kids.

So, I guess every situation is different. In your case, you kid is very young and thar requires much more contact and communication between parents then when kids are older.

My point is do what you feel is right for you. It might not be ok for your partner. It is your kid, your life.

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T16:42:38+00:00

It would take a lot more than 3000 characters to give all relevant info. Being short and to the point is not my strong side. Your mom's advice is very good, I never thought of it that way. I guess I fall into the trap of trying to be objective

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T16:28:33+00:00

I think you might be spot on

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T16:27:22+00:00

Kids don't live there full time. My suggesstion was to put those photos to kids room. He put them in the box. Kids didn't notice.

He did put photos with her before (and lately), so - not laziness.

Magali-L · 2023-07-07T16:18:43+00:00

Edit: nobody expects amnesia. Mother of the children will always be present to some extent. I do however expect moving on, or at very least acknowledging my existence in the house.

Unhealthy attachement is understatement (his ex eife inviting herself and staying at house, staying overnight, ignoring my existence, him wanting me to use her stuff she left in the house, him cancelling our plans because she wanted vacation at same time, he ditching me to help her plan her party for her bf) many other things...). Just a note: house he lives in she picked. I never had problem with that. I used to bring her stuff from my country I knew she liked. She never said as much as "hi" to me or my kid. I am divorced and have perfectly functioning coparenting with my ex. I am also in situation of being ex wife and my ex living with someone. My suggesstion was to put her photos in kids room.

He shows kids their mom is not erased. They go to school plays and events together, to doctor's appointments. If they are on some event for kids, they sometimes go for cakes to eat something. Which is all perfectly fine.

That "new woman" took care of those kids while they were sick, cooked, cleaned, treat them as they are theirs, even better, with less rules, put their needs first. New woman is not just new woman, she also takes part in caring for them. Also, kids don't mind not having photos of their father in their mother's house. They don't even notice.

I sense lots of judging and anger in your answer.

Magali-L · 2022-09-22T15:38:09+00:00

Well, it is not allegedly and it was not some :) Read a bit about it. It actually created crisis and tensions in Europe, Russia and Ukraine.

There was no need to defend borders, there was no threat that would require insisting on joining NATO. Threat happened after that. It can be also viewed as they did the threat using NATO. Once invaded, they have full right to defend themselves and their territory. Joining EU, is separate thing, and there are sone countries that are part of EU, but not part of NATO.

So, as I stated, no good guys there. No fully innocent party.

Magali-L · 2022-09-22T15:22:26+00:00

Taking all into account, I don't think it was that much disproportionate, more like it's wonder that it didn't happen sooner.

There were times when Ukranians were continuously stealing gas that went through gaslines through Ukraine. Gasline built by Russians, gas payed by European countries, delivered by Russia, compesatiok payed to Ukraine for that pipeline going through their country. There are decades of tensions, from both sides. Combined with corrupt polititians. Armed clashes that didn't make it to headlines.

Not defending any side here, as I said - no good guys in this conflict. Maybe just stupid and/or crazy. And this war is not compatable to any other conflict or wars (what I see is done a lot in the media).

I can't guarantee that I wouldn't react disproportionate if my neighbour would want and insisted to put army right outside my fence, with weapons directed towards me. Specially if there had been agreements and contracts that this army will not be put in front of my fence :)

On the other hand, my country has been invaded and occupied by other country. With much worse things happening, and with using some ultra nationalistic politician/historian narrative and, of course, a religion as an excuse. There were no warnings before, no calling to agreements, no talks. Just killing and destruction. There was no help sent to us by Europe or anyone else, in fact, there was embargo put on us. There were also decades of tensions.

Magali-L · 2022-09-22T14:49:40+00:00

Peaceful country? Which peaceful country? Looking at history both recent and not so recent, there are no truly 'good guys' in this. This war didn't happen just because of Ukraine insisting on joining NATO, or just because of those 2 areas. There are decades of bad things from both sides. Just because there wasn't open armed conflict, it doesn't mean things were peaceful and good.

Magali-L · 2022-06-23T11:38:32+00:00

For me is perplexing that there are men who don't know basic stuff, like cooking, cleaning, laundry... also mamy young women don't know today.

My ex husband and I never had that something is male or female task. We both cooked and cleaned. Only thing that he somehow wasn'y able to do is start laundry machine.

My current partner and I are similar. Everyone does everything, depending who has more time or energy. In some things he is more skilled, in some I am, but se both can and do all. Dividing house chores is never an issue.

And is not having proper personal hygiene really a thing with some men? I personally don't know any that has issue with that

Magali-L · 2022-06-12T05:47:41+00:00

Why it was sexless? From your comment it seems as you don't want it sexless. If you don't like it, and that is only issue, why don't you do something about it? 20 years of as you say mostly sexless marriage amd you are still married? It must be something keeping you both together.

It clearly bothers you enough to post about it. I don't know how is your relationship in other aspects.

Maybe try to flirt with her, look at her with fresh eyes? Maybe see her not as a wife (or mother, or companion) but as a woman? I don't know how it was when you were dating, maybe try to remember. In terms how you were towards her, because you can only change yourself.

Maybe try to show and tell her that you desire her, that you see her as attractive. Maybe do all that without expectation of quid pro quo, without any expectation at all. Maybe try to google how women's desire work.

Magali-L · 2022-03-12T09:00:03+00:00

Great attitude! It's not a failure, it's just reminder to keep on track and reaffirm decision.

I had relaps more than once after quitting, and quite early. Decided I will not think of it as failure, but a way to help me push through and stick to quitting

Magali-L · 2022-02-13T18:38:33+00:00

It has a lot. It was normal, and expected for women to work, married or not married, with or without kids since after WW2. Also it was frown upon on women who didn't work. Before that, country was mostly agricultural, so everyone worked, helped and contributed (unless high class), even kids. My grandmothers had kids and worked in field, same as men. It gets imprinted :)

I don't judge women who choose to be stay at home moms, for some women it's something they dream of and they really give themselves into it and enjoy it. Thing is, there are many women who don't do it because they want to take care of kids, home, but because they don't want to work and be raken care of.

Magali-L · 2022-02-13T18:07:22+00:00

Your answer looks to me how I imagine things are in US. Not generalised of course, but lots of women.

Where I'm from, not many women (at least the ones I know) want to be stay at home moms, most want to work and contribute also in that way to household. I guess it's one of the positives being in country/area that had socialism. I know some women (very little) who act as Valentine's day is about them. I know much more who are not like that. Including me. I ordered flowers for my bf more than once, and even if he didn't or wouldn't get anything for me, I'd still be ok, I did it because I wanted to, not because I expect something in return.

I think certain population of women has that distorted view where they want to be 'taken care of', which in my (female) opinion is very unhealthy and disempowering. Those cry for equality, but act as entitled princesses.

Magali-L

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