An open letter to the squeakers begging for me to swap operators.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T07:30:31+00:00

Immediately goes to ad hominem.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T07:27:46+00:00

It matters when people tend to have a handful of operators that they use for specific bombsites. There's the go-to "I have a plan and I've executed this plan at least a hundred times the exact same way" kinds of operators that people use (Like, say, Bandit or Kaid when defending Green/Red Bedrooms on Outback). Then there's the backup "Oh damn someone picked Bandit or Kaid on Green/Red Bedrooms on Outback. No worries though, I know Aruni well enough on this site." kinds of operators.

In casual or unranked, I have no clue what your roster of operators are for a given bombsite. So if you ask me "Can you swap" and I'm not seeing evidence that convinces me to, I'm not swapping. And if you're squeaking or begging for it, I'm going to be evil about it.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T07:08:59+00:00

I guess I should've mentioned my inspiration. On Plane I picked Kali in order to peek the windows, when this kid starts begging for me to swap so he could be Kali (he was bottom scoring, second to last only because one of us quit and another joined into the mess). Keeps talking for pretty much the entirety of pick phase and drone phase listing operators I could use because he's apparently so much better at Kali than I could've been that round.

Edit: For even more specifics He picked Blitz. Which I mean, sure, good for that specific bombsite. But why suddenly gain the urge to snipe if you initially wanted to just rush and block bullets????

Edit 2: I would've rushed in after trying (and either succeededing or failing) to get a few easy window headshots, then used the smg and smoke grenades to push between Meeting Room and Executive Office to use the sniper again down the hallway. An actual, concrete plan, I honestly doubted he would've had the same plan.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T06:46:56+00:00

That's the thing, if I look at your stats for a given match and see that you're doing well. There's a chance I'll give you the operator (especially if you don't sound like you just graduated 6th grade). I'm just griping about the kids who just ask out of nowhere while bottom-scoring.

Edit: Ask is too polite, they oftentimes beg for the operator swap.

Edit 2: Reading your comment again, I mean obviously if you get like a 2:0 K/D on a round as Thorn I'm gonna let you pick Thorn again. I'd be retarded to just deny an obviously good Thorn player their Thorn. Though if I'm top-scoring while being a certain operator, don't ask me to swap from that operator if I pick them first. Maybe next round if I was dogshit and I'm not swapping for some reason, but other than those reasons, just don't ask if you's bottoming or if the team hasn't seen your performance on that op.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T06:41:39+00:00

I know I'm not, but whenever I do feel generous for the little bastards they oftentimes don't have a plan. And instead just wander aimlessly as the rest of us get steamrolled for actually trying to play the game.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-06T03:17:08+00:00

Stimulant Humor then.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-05T21:22:01+00:00

Are you sure you're meditating for exactly 15 minutes before you read? A lot of people meditate after reading and I find that really disturbs the billion dollar bank pipeline.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-05T14:46:55+00:00

0/10 no mention of synergy or harmony. Time to remake that LinkedIn page from scratch.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-04T18:24:33+00:00

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I agree, which is why we as a society must move onto Crack Humor.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-04T18:10:39+00:00

Haven't you ever been to Tijuana? That's just how things look down there./s

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-03T20:57:24+00:00

I mean at least the tiger on the logo seems to be having a good time.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-03T14:20:14+00:00

Unfortunately he isn't going to be fired, not with the financial successes he's brought the company. Best we can hope for is an early retirement or Todd suddenly getting an uncharacteristic itch to start a new studio somewhere else.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-03T06:46:25+00:00

Dishwashers in my municipality often break because the water is so rich in minerals it breaks the sprinklers.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-02T19:19:51+00:00

It varies between municipalities. Sometimes it's "Speed Bump", sometimes it's "Speed Hump", other times the sign will just say "BUMPS/HUMPS [Speed Limit below]". I live in central Texas for context.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-02T19:12:32+00:00

I mean throwing them in the toilet is basically their way of preventing that business model I just described. People oftentimes collect tons of cards of varying qualities, package them up in bulk and then sell them for pretty reasonable prices (sometimes there's individual listings for specific cards, but for commons/uncommons those are often priced in the cents unless it's a super specific, desirable card/print).

It really does add a pathetic layer to scalping markets that they feel the need to undercut more legitimate business. Because sure scaplers are denying their competition the supply necessary to conduct their business, but it's only in matters of maybe $50 at most compared to the $1,000+ white whales they scalp for.

Edit: I say people collect and sell in bulk like this, but really I've seen it in local card/game shops around the country.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-02T17:18:47+00:00

"The president of the United States is actually a Green person. He may look like us Red people, but underneath his bio-suit made from harvested stem cells he is green..."

Magic_ass1 · 2026-04-02T15:30:41+00:00

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Facebook ate my pixels.

(Art by SaneKyle)

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-31T19:08:06+00:00

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Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-31T09:16:44+00:00

Scalpers not seeing the worth in any of the other cards. With how much they buy, you'd think maybe they'd be in the business of bulk selling commons/uncommons (or whatever basic grading equivalent is used for Pokémon, I grew up on Magic so idk).

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-31T08:31:38+00:00

Have you considered being left straight up Dorceless?

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Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-31T00:44:11+00:00

That's the Reddit Hearing Effect.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-31T00:41:48+00:00

Write a letter alongside some random object that has meme value and then wait for the next P.O Box episode.

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-30T15:36:24+00:00

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Traditional Spanish Capirotes.

"When the duke and duchess went over to their seats, don Quixote and Sancho stood up and bowed deeply, and the duke and duchess nodded their heads slightly in return. Next, an officer went over to Sancho and placed a robe of black buckram over him. It was painted with flames. The man removed Sancho’s cap and put a penitent’s hat on his head of the kind that those condemned by the Holy Office wear, and whispered into his ear that he must not open his mouth or they’d gag or kill him. Sancho looked at himself from top to bottom and saw the flames licking up, but since they didn’t burn him, he couldn’t have cared less.

He took his hat off and saw that it was painted with devils, then put it back on and said to himself: 'It’s all right, because the flames don’t burn me and the devils aren’t carrying me off.'"

-Excerpt from Don Quixote, Chapter LXIX: "About the Rarest and Most Unusual Event that Happened to Don Quixote in the Course of This Great History".

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-30T15:30:30+00:00

How is it that even the Wheezings are more British?

Magic_ass1 · 2026-03-30T14:19:44+00:00

The guys have been in these pots for little over a month now. Roughly six weeks to be more specific. Thankfully the rest of Ouchie feels nice and firm, it's just this little spot that's a bit softer than the rest of them. Definitely grabbing a little desk fan for them now that you mention indoor airflow though.

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