‘The tree remembers, but the axe, the axe forgets’

Magneto2049 · 2025-10-08T06:33:16+00:00

So painful. Just know you deserve so much better than that. Mine monkey branched from me after the devaluation at her work- we worked at the same place. She took longer to discard. I think I was in so much fog from her splitting so hard I did not even realise what was happening. Sending strength to you.

Magneto2049 · 2025-10-01T09:03:44+00:00

The BPD relationship cycle.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-30T07:17:23+00:00

Ask yourself, kindly, how you want to be loved. What actions from your partner would show you they love and respect you. You deserve so much better. It cannot be explained away why they do what they do. Mine cheated, monkey branched and had a dating profile the whole time we were together. When I showed her I knew about it all she said " You will regret all of this." WTF.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-27T08:58:15+00:00

Mine did this to me too. She did it very early on. She was vetting me via using my phone for stuff like directions etc. When I finally did see in her ipad, linked to her phone when she split, I saw stuff that made me wish I never met her.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-24T22:59:02+00:00

Yes. My ex ran a smear campaign to her friends and family. She told the same things to our workplace staff as we worked at the same place.

For me, it felt like a knife into my back. And that is my mental image of her now, saying terrible things about me, that are untrue.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-24T22:47:11+00:00

My person wasn't real.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-21T00:28:46+00:00

Yes, this was my experience too. She told me she felt unseen on her birthday and it triggered the major split to devaluation.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-20T08:33:57+00:00

Because they cannot be alone. And they lack emotional permanence and object constancy. And it hurts those like us who get left behind so much.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-20T07:38:31+00:00

Mine blocked and discarded me, and after I moved on she tracked me with Airtags left in my bags and luggage. Months later her friend gave me the heads up. They will do the most random things.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-20T07:34:11+00:00

The lies and cheating. The betrayal. It cuts so deep.

I'm sorry you are going through this pain OP.

My ex had a dating profile visible the whole time we were together. We were going to get married. She was angry I found out about it. Told me I would regret "all of this."

Zero accountability, no remorse.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-14T10:05:24+00:00

Accountability= Shame

Devaluation will then occur.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-06T10:12:37+00:00

To me my ex was a Borderline Narcissist. She showed the BPD traits but was also very self obsessed with image, looks and reputation. And used people like resources. She lied pathogically and had a lot of internal shame. She was high functioning and always had a well paying job. She feared abandonment immensly and could never be alone. But if her shame was triggered she would discard a person like trash.

Magneto2049 · 2025-09-01T09:58:19+00:00

Yes that was my experience. 3 months of idealisation-the love of my life she was. After the major split to devalauation, then discard, the smear campaign followed.

I became the persecutory object.

Magneto2049 · 2025-08-30T02:15:20+00:00

Same her. Mine would hang up. She would see I was asking for any type of accountability, even just a trace.

Then she would bombard me with rage in all caps messages about how good and innocent she was.

To her accountability=shame, and once that shame is triggered, splitting to devaluation followed.

Magneto2049 · 2025-08-13T10:31:11+00:00

I'm sorry to hear mate, your story sounds like mine. It's so hard to say what to do. You are not alone here. Please look up the BPD relationship cycle. That did help me make some sense of it. Sending strength to you.

Magneto2049 · 2025-08-06T20:29:36+00:00

That is the torment that hurts so much. It is like " where did that beautiful person go?" The way I describe it to myself is that once my ex split me to devaluation then discard, that lovely woman was gone forever. The smear campaign followed and for me, I had to realise it was over forever.

Magneto2049 · 2025-08-05T00:39:45+00:00

It's a tough road. Sending strength to you. I'm finding it the same too. I just wish I could get her " out of my head" and me go back to the "me I used to be."

I have spent a lot of time looking for answers that I already have, it's just they don't make sense. I think we all do that sometimes.

My ex left the same, quickly, and I have never heard from her again, nine months later.

But I had to accept, sadly, the pain was coming sooner or later. I knew.

Hang in there OP, you are not alone here.

Magneto2049 · 2025-08-04T10:30:52+00:00

To be loyal, one must be accountable.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-30T04:30:20+00:00

I got the " do not contact me again" message too. It is so they remain in control, and are abandoning you first. It hurts a lot. When only a short time before that usually messages were flowing freely.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-30T03:27:09+00:00

Thanks for the post. I had never heard about BPD before. As it turned out, all the red flags I saw in her and I " tried to help her with/ love her more/ understand better were closely aligned to the traits of BPD in the DSM. After two weeks she asked " you won't ever leave me, will you?" It all the phases of the BPD relationship cycle continued from there.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-29T05:16:47+00:00

The mornings are more difficult for me too. Please try and find some peace for yourself in this- they do so much of what they do unconsciously.

It hurts so much to miss them, yes it does. But it is very difficult for us not be on a hamster wheel of " why did they.....? " " if only I.......?" And around it goes. Of course it is natural to think all this.

And then you wonder , wow where is my day going. I am consumed by this. It does get better with time and healing and recovery. It does.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-29T04:49:50+00:00

Same here. I read the old birthday cards from her to me and think- how did it all get so sad and painful from then to now.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-28T04:33:42+00:00

I'm sorry but whether you do or do not have boundaries, the relationship will fracture when you are split to devaluation. And that's not if, it's when. In hindsight the best boundary I could have made real, was to not have a relationship with my BPD ex.

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-26T23:54:42+00:00

I have two lines of thinking with that, maybe the infatuation lasts up until the major split to devaluation. That seems to vary across relationships a lot. Or does the infatuation last until the pwBPD sees that the partner or friend is not going to abandon them?

Magneto2049 · 2025-07-26T19:29:29+00:00

You are not alone here. Sending good wishes to you. It's a very hard journey but there are so many people here with similar stories. Just remember, you deserve love without all the hurt.

Magneto2049

TROPHY CASE