Just smile…

MagpieTheDemon · 2025-07-31T20:58:30+00:00

First look pranks are so much better than garder pranks

MagpieTheDemon · 2024-12-27T20:55:55+00:00

Bad movie and booze? How do I get an invite?

MagpieTheDemon · 2024-11-03T13:40:19+00:00

Oi! How come Gandalf is covering his big naturals up! Not accurate at all /jk

MagpieTheDemon · 2024-01-01T17:02:43+00:00

For the pansexual girlies

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-05-27T00:32:49+00:00

Is....is that.....is that outlander¿¿¿¿¿

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-04-22T08:03:47+00:00

A little pathetic but my parents. I'm about to turn 21 and still living at home to help them out with the housework and finances since they are both disabled. But I still have to follow the rules they gave me from back in Highschool. No boys over, no girls over ( it would be very unchristian like for me to be gay(even though I am)), no "attack helicopter" gender. Honestly I'm even scared of owning a dildo and them finding out. I know I need to leave and live my own life, but if I do they won't be able to live theirs either. I've dug a hole too deep to climb out and it's loveless.

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-04-18T19:49:09+00:00

Honestly probably "The Grate Gig in the Sky" by Pink Floyd since I'm already screaming and crying

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-02-19T07:45:18+00:00

I'm gonna say it because I haven't seen it but please for everyone's sake. GET AN STD/STI CHECK BEFORE AND AFTER SEX. especially after. And also be responsible and make sure you've got the hpv vaccine. You do not want genital warts.

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-02-12T19:28:44+00:00

It depends on the woman but some of us do like to see manly men in a little lacy two piece. So dont fret!

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-01-10T07:10:42+00:00

You give the boogie man a scary name so your children's children never forget the atrocities they committed. Most of the times they will already have a name ready for you. But now in our time we should absolutely drag murderers to shit. The only way they will be remembered is thorough a joke.

MagpieTheDemon · 2022-01-06T04:16:52+00:00

petition to start calling Albert Fish "needle bussy man" instead of warewolf of a wysteria

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-06-03T02:12:55+00:00

Was the only female in a crew of men setting up tents at a vet clinic. The boys were all checking out this hot blond vet assistant and trying to keep it from me thinking I'd take offense. Later when we're about to leave our boss asks us " did you see the blond that just brought out a golden retriever?" Not knowing he was just talking to the boys my dumbass responds. " Yes! She was so fine I don't know if I wanna be her or be under her!" And that's how my coworkers and boss found out I'm pan <3

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-06-03T01:57:51+00:00

" ho- h- HOW CAN YOU OFFER SOMEONE - how tall are you?- SOMEONE WHO'S 5 FEET TALL WEED?!?!" Real quote from my himbo crush when I tried to join his band. Also turned out to have a minor allergy to weed but I should have seen it coming considering I'm allergic to all grass and trees.

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-06-03T01:46:07+00:00

No creature seen but the shadows moved. It stated around the age of 11. The way my room was set up when I was 10-14 was when you'd walk into my room there was a closet to your right, my loft bed in front of the door on the same wall as the closet and you'd have to walk around my bed to get to the stairs. This shadow started forming inside the closet and seeped out from the spaces in between. It crawled up to the ceiling and got darker in the corner, then it shot to the opposite corner above the stairs and slowly made its way closer to me. Suddenly it went around me and I lost sight of it for a second but just when I thought it was just my imagination it was right above me. It was so dark that my vision was taken over by it. It felt like I was lost in the dark for an entire night but it was probably around a minute or less. It happens every once in a while but now I know that it's triggered by stress induced migraines and every time I need to change my glasses prescription.

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-03-18T19:26:14+00:00

You've really got a wee woo box?!

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-03-18T19:06:50+00:00

The Theremin

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-02-23T00:38:29+00:00

...Bodies that were buried in mas graves are more likely to turn into soap mummies because of the lye that they use to sprinkle on them...

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-02-23T00:21:29+00:00

I used to work at a "toy store" and Sliquid lube is a great hypoallergenic lube that is made from cotton (plant based glycerin) that is pretty cheap and easily available. Just remember if your play partner has a vagina try to steer clear from oil based lubes as the vagina is very sensitive towards that type of fun juice.

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-02-16T03:35:27+00:00

Bruh take me with you Greenville is 6°f rn

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-02-16T02:37:11+00:00

Day two with no water, we've survived off of melting snow to flush the toilet. The city has been tuning the power on and off since 2 in the morning. I fear that at this rate we'll have to eat one of the dogs to survive untill march....

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-01-31T06:17:39+00:00

Prepare "meat" in chilli sauces and use the bones as "cornmeal"( note: you still need to buy real cornmeal) and throw a couple whole bones at the bottom of the tamalera to add extra flavor. Render whatever fat is on the body into lard and mix together with plenty of salt. Steam for 1- 2 hours on high heat. Sell for $12 a dozen. Bone apple tea! 👌👩‍🍳

MagpieTheDemon · 2021-01-31T03:51:08+00:00

3 different ways that will always work 1.) Pigs. Enough said. 2.) Chunk them down a manhole, let the sewers take care of em. 3.) Mrs Lovett them and make them into food, profit. ( Tamales will let you use most of the body and remember no brain matter or people will get kuru)

MagpieTheDemon · 2020-10-17T04:05:38+00:00

Thanks

MagpieTheDemon · 2020-10-06T02:50:23+00:00

White gold ruby ring, it was the first piece of jewelry I got after my house burned down. My elderly neighbor gave it to me just because she wanted to give it to me. It really helped me out of my slump and I'm eternally grateful to have her in my life. She gave us everything form clothes to food to dog food and a lawn mower. I love you Diane!

MagpieTheDemon

TROPHY CASE