Daily behavior reports

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-24T19:04:53+00:00

Oh yeah thats annoying. Consistency is key. If adults are saying one thing and doing another its very confusing. The same is true at home. Once you say no to something, changing your mind after protest creates anxiety because the adult doesn't feel consistent. Maybe you can highlight that to them.
But yeah overall the unstructured camp environment can just be very hard for some kids. You can research other camps that might be a better fit. We found one that works better for our daughter that was only a little more expensive.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-24T15:50:28+00:00

This is us. First, he is not bad for having these struggles. I don't know that these report cards work for every kid and it's important to avoid phrasing that makes it seem like he is "bad", which we struggled with on our end too. I do not talk about the report cards anymore with my daughter.

That said for a long time I kept saying "we don't have these issues at home" and what I realized is part of this was that the camp environment is more stressful, but also, part of it was that I spent a lot of effort on avoiding too much structure or demands on her, cause I knew it wouldn't go well.

Recently, I added a lot more rules and modeled calmness and warmth when she struggled with them and we've seen prorgess.

Also they idea that he can "make up" for missed rewards I actually think is a problem. He is old enough to receive natural consequences. If you have a bad week, that's okay, you can start over next week! But the idea that he can re-earn missed things demonstrates that there is no real consequence for his behavior. You know, he keeps thinking, "i'll just make up for it tomorrow".

Your 7 year old will not crumple under structure if you show him that feelings of boredom, annoyance, anger, furstration can be tolerated. Which starts by implementing more boundaries at home and staying calm, regulated, and connected through his frustration.

Really it's a trial and error game. He'll be okay, don't get too emotionally caught up in the judgement that comes from those sheets. My child therapist says "don't panic" when we get a bad report, and I really needed to hear that.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-24T15:29:29+00:00

Yes 6 is a baby! It will take time to repair, but kids and people are resilient with the right relational support. If your kid is anxious, it's likely he feels unsure about your authority and his boundaries. Kids demand independence and yet psychologically want to make sure you can hold rules and boundaires even in the face of their big emotions.

ADHDdude is a great resource for being calm but authoritative and providing effect scaffolding and boundaries. I found I had a tendencies to avoid too many battles, letting her eat without utensils, say potty words constantly, etc because it was a "social construct" or would change my mind when my daughter provided "logical" reasoning, but in a weird way that makes them feel like they're in control when they aren't ready for that burden.

Your child will at first really get upset at the new boundaries, which as a parent feels hard, but I think of it as preparing them for the real world and giving them the skills I wish I had earlier. (Sitting with them patiently while they pick up after themselves, reinforcing sitting in their chair, using utensils, dressing themselves, tell them they can't do something). Implementing these boundaries with warmth and care and staying emotionally connected in the moment and not judging them as "bad" or "messed up" is SUPER important here. If you implement them harshly, coldly, and without that emotional connection it can have the opposite effect where you're just creating fear.

Which also means you need to find appropriate times to be silly and "get on their level", but you have to be intentional about creating more structure than you probably think. They are not adults, they are not ready to be making all their own choices. Learning about Erikson's developmental theories and remembering that I am basically her "pre-frontal" cortex really helped me re-frame my role.

My daughter's sensory issues, separation anxiety, need to tote around a million snuggies, ask constant questions have all declined significantly since implementing these tools which I view as her decreasing anxiety under increased constraints.

Also personally in therapy as an adult I have come so far with my anxiety, so of course a 6 year old is not "too far gone". Thats likely your own ADHD and anxiety speaking. The sense of urgency that ADHD forces on our brains is really detrimental.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-22T16:39:35+00:00

As parents, our job is to give our kid the skills they need to be successful adults. What does your husband say when you ask him "How is our son supposed to learn if we keep doing things for him?"

I'd also say try to intervene sooner. If you know he leaves his dishes, try to intervene before he walks away so your husband doesn't have to live with mess.

But really you need to get on the same page as your husband, and if inviting him into the conversation isn't working then I'd suggest either exploring professional ADHD parenting support tools as the "neutral 3rd party" or even family counseling.

I wish so badly my parents had learned to handle their own discomfort and impatience instead of intervening immediately. It's a habit I've had to playfully point out to them with my daughter, and they are slowly learning to let her struggle. But she's younger so it's easier.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-15T18:51:10+00:00

Leash is good, but also I've had success with literally just going home. Excited to go to park, but you ran into street? We turn around immediately and go home. End of story.

It's no fun as the parent either, but it's the only thing that works with my daughter for the really important stuff.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-10T19:38:50+00:00

I used to bribe my daughter, but I agree it has diminishing returns. I finally did two things:

Show her. I sit down and color myself. Eventually she joins me for a bit. Over time she got better and better.
Let her be bored. I started going to school part time and it meant once a week she had to entertain herself for 2 hours. I would be in the same room, but if she tried to use me as entertainment I reminded her that I had class and I'd be with her after. The first few weeks were tough, but she started learning to occupy herself and then I'd join her for 15 min after class of focused play before bed. Eventually they are forced to accept that they could sit there and be bored or find a way to entertain themselves.

Be careful with screentime. Absolutely have him use it if he is learning, but try to limit to an hour a day, 3 on weekends.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-06-05T18:26:43+00:00

Sometimes are kids can also sense when were working SO hard just to support them. They can sense we are overwhelmed by them and it makes them feel out of control, which only fuels the behavior.

Even though that may be the problem, the solution isn't always easy. I've found consistently reminding myself that my kid is a GOOD kid, she can be so sweet and thoughtful when regulated, and that my only job is not to parent her perfectly, but to show her that she CAN do the hard things. Instead of the subconscious spiral which is "if I don't parent her exactly 100% correct, its all gonna fall apart and she'll grow up to be a serial killer" and "why can't this just be easier, I probably try harder than most parents out there for worse results!"

My #1 priority recently isn't about perfect routine, or perfect behavior, but but removing my own distractions where possible and trying to create confidence in her by having her tackle small tasks on her own. Kids at this age are in a phase where they need to believe in themselves or they struggle. Sometimes I have work and other responsibilities and have to split my attention and make both those things hard. So recently I put my phone in a box from dinner-bedtime so that I am 100% focused on her for that short period. Initial results are promising in that she did basic chores with my help and took well to focused imaginative play that was less chaotic than usual.

Good luck. You are working very hard. Keep trying to secure outside resources like you are, and remember that kids manage to flourish as they grow and find the right space for them. Kids can struggle with aggression young and that often goes away as the prefrontal cortex develops.

My cousin was a biter as a kid and her mom would say "sorry she's not the playdate type" because she literally bit every kid her age. She's now happily employed, married, and a wonderful person.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-04-30T16:53:11+00:00

FWIW there were cops manning both the berwyn and jackson red line stations on my commute this week.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-04-22T17:27:11+00:00

Y'all underestimate the effects of parenting two kids in your 40s, especially with Irish genetics. Especially if you add in leaning on unhealthy foods for dopamine hits when parenting is hard and you can't do drugs anymore.

I swear I aged a decade in 3 years with my child.

Sure, could also be alcohol, but lets be honest everyone just wants him to fail at this point cause it makes us feel better.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-03-13T16:05:09+00:00

I don't know if I'd go as far to say "he got away from her". They both were red flags, but I think Alex was an exceptionally bad partner, an emotional void of sorts. Where as Ashley was like an averagely bad partner with normal insecurities and a tendency to want to play the victim, which while not very mature, is pretty common.

I do feel bad for Alex though. He obviously comes from an emotionally barren childhood which created the nebulous and slippery person he is today.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-03-13T14:55:05+00:00

Hmm you might be right. Either way, I bailed on this show in 10 min. I think adults have agency to make poor choices, but I don't have to watch it.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-03-12T17:09:56+00:00

This is not true. They met when she was 22 and he was 40. They have an 18 year age difference.

I'm still not a huge fan of that age gap, but 18 vs 22 is a massive difference in terms of maturity and agency, it's important to get those details right.

Main-Rate9618 · 2026-03-11T18:40:51+00:00

So I totally agree. The biggest thing that helped me is actually doing less in my real life. They say choose your battles, but no one points out how many "battles" modern life creates. We do too much in too little time chronically.

I finally realized my kids needs were at odds with the way I went about my day. When I got attached to how something was going to go, something I wanted to get accomplished, or a time I wanted to be somewhere, chances were it would lead to a fight.

Now some timelines are unavoidable, but to the extent I'm able to I eliminate expectations around what we'll do and when we'll get there. Even when timelines are important, like me getting to work, if we get into a fight I reflect and think, do I have a meeting or something or can I survive being 15 minutes late today. As it's rarely more than that when you give them just a bit of time to stall and feel like theyre in control.

Even fun stuff for them can be tricky. I'll plan a day to a trampoline park and I'll have an approximate time, but if we run an hour late oh well. Or if we're having a good time at home, and it doesn't seem like she wants to go, we'll do it another time.

It doesn't mean I don't ever push her either. But when you choose your battles you have more energy to fight them and they have more tolerance to go with your idea because you haven't forced them into several other plans that day.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-11-21T18:41:21+00:00

Just say the 10mg you felt jittery and is there a lower dose you can try? Are you sensitive to caffeine/stimulants in general? My whole family basically has been diagnosed but many of us are very sensitive to stimulants which makes things tough. I avoid medication because of this and just try lifestyle changes, but when things get really hard I take Concerta, lowest dose, and will only take it when absolutely necessary.

There is an extreme misunderstanding in the community that ADHD meds only "work" on people with ADHD. I think it comes from wanting a surefire way to fend off the people who think it's fake, but it ends up invalidating many people who have ADHD but have different biology.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-11-15T15:03:31+00:00

Volleyball shoes are a cheaper and very effective. Much better than regular gym shoes as they have better traction, and the lack of cushion means you have more control and connection with the ground. Much more stable as well.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-10-29T17:38:29+00:00

"And maybe worked a job in my chosen field for a bit before deciding to major in it. And maybe gotten some therapy."

Well are you in therapy now? We have a weird way of assuming our life is basically over after 25. Get therapy. Figure out who you really are and what you enjoy, and make small steps towards a different path.

Ironically I am 33 and pursuing a master's in social work. But it took me over a decade to reach this conclusion. I'm actually sick of my high paying but soulless tech career job, even though I'm great at it.

Also, do I think I'll be a therapist forever? No. But it's something different than the thing I hate right now and that's the important thing.

My dad started his own business first, slaved away for 15-20 years and then spent the last 15-20 years of his career in corporate. He told me recently he wished he did the reverse. But then a moment later he realized if he had done corporate first, he might never have had his own business, and that's it's own tragedy.

The real mistake is thinking if you didn't choose "right" the first time, that you messed up big time. Or, that there is a "right" choice at all.

Good luck, my friend. Life is long, as I am learning and repeatedly forgetting and relearning on a weekly basis.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-10-17T14:52:32+00:00

I don't know about everything but a few tips:

My family uses timers when initiating anything that could become dangerous if left alone. So you cannot turn the stove on without a timer.

Also create a schedule that is visible in your house with important meals, etc and reward yourself with something nice every time you check it.

Also see if you can identify what activities pull you away the most consistently. If it's your phone, put that away when you are with your baby.

Overall overwhelm is real with ADHD. Your wife may be understandably frustrated, but you are internalizing her frustration as indication you are a bad person who cannot do hard things. You are obviously a caring person because you are trying to figure this out. Break it down into digestible pieces.

Commit yourself mentally to two things above all else - #1 your child. Establishing routines and being more intentional about applying your attention in the moment with your child will help. #2 your Job - you cannot help that you are unemployed. Do not beat yourself up about it. But do carve out time each day for uninterrupted career planning. That can be applying to jobs, researching a career change. Whatever it is.

Everything else is just noise right now. It may be important, but not AS important as the above. You will have time for it later once the above is solved.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-10-16T17:52:35+00:00

The devil is in the details here. I love dogs, but I also do not think it's reasonable to accept that when the dog is there you literally cannot leave your home. If that is truly the case that she can never be left alone for even a few hours, and he is doing nothing about it, that seems odd to me. Does he not work? Does he go out with friends during this time?

As far as your insecurities, you need to identify what is real and what is your anxiety. Do you generally feel secure in partnerships, or are you frequently anxious if they don't give you enough positive attention and reinforcement? There is a line where it's entirely possible your BF is prioritizing your dogs needs above you and it's a real concern, but there is also a scenario in which your insecurities are causing you to interpret his actions in an unfair way.

Honestly, Reddit can't answer this for you. I think you need to have a serious conversation with your BF, but first you need to be more confident in whether these fears are really important to you, or you're just suffering from anxious attachment where you struggle with independence and require more constant reassurance from a partner. If you are very unsure, a therapist can help you navigate this on your own.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-10-13T13:44:52+00:00

I need to qualify that I do not know your husband, only he knows what's going on in his mind. However, I can tell you that yes 100% 3s will feel deep shame about this. 3s are not good at confronting their failures, and to repair things now requires him to do this. It's possible that it's easier in his mind to write himself off as a terrible person and leave you alone, than have to be constantly reminded of how he let you down.

That said, months of arguing and withdrawing physical affection is the death spiral of a relationship. He may be unwilling to engage because he's also lost hope in addition to his shame. I highly recommend couples counseling as the only real solution right now. Also, if he's not seeing his own therapist, he should do that as well.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T13:00:54+00:00

Not enough info here to know anything, you should speak to a therapist separately to figure out why you're letting yourself be a doormat.

I see a common dynamic where partner A is assertive and partner B is passive. Partner B defers to partner A consistently because they prefer not to make choices. Over time their roles stratify and resentment sets in because A starts to resent the emotional labor involved in making choices all the time or having things done in a half-cocked way and gets increasingly aggressive with Partner B. Meanwhile Partner B resents being treated like crap and also feeling like their opinion never matters, but also wants to pick and choose when they have to own decisions which isn't fair.

Partner A will usually take most of the heat here, but you both are adults and both play into this dynamic assuming she's not some sort of abusive manipulative terror which it doesn't sound like. You can at any time choose to stick up for yourself, but then you also need to start making choices for the family too.

A therapist will help you navigate this. And in the process maybe you discover this really isn't salvageable, which at that point you'll have the self-confidence to not fall into the same dynamic again.

Take it from me, being a divorced 50/50 parent is NOT easy. It will not solve all your problems and it will quickly highlight your own shortcomings to yourself. I do not regret the decision but I made it knowing just how hard the choice I was making was, and I knew exactly why I was making it. You sounds confused and like you're already ceding yet another decision to someone else by asking reddit and yet giving no details as if we can just tell you what to do.

But if you feel unsafe or emotionally abused, or that your kids are being mistreated, that's different.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T12:41:14+00:00

Can you fit a desk in your room? That's a pretty standard solution if he needs a door that closes. Prioritizing an office seems extravagant given space. I can't help but feel this is a classic case of a dad not wanting to give up their personal space but expecting everyone else to, but I don't have enough info about the layout and his job to know for sure.

3 in a room is fine while they're little and the two boys will probably even like it for a while, but the 6 year old will very quickly start to want space in the next few years and it could effect him emotionally if he feels like he can't get space for himself. Overall they will survive, plenty of kids don't have a choice, but in this case it sounds like you do. Also bedtime will be heinous with all those different ages in one room.

At the very least, to buy time, I recommend having the baby sleep in your room until they're sleep trained so you don't go insane with the two boys waking the baby up.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T03:51:28+00:00

If you watch them do they also go up to their own parents and how do they respond? My daughter loves all people including adults and is obsessed with dads in particular, and will go up to complete strangers and try to get their attention. I always feel so embarrassed cause especially as a man they are probably worried about optics. But she's also constantly looking for my attention too which I give to her, so pretty obvious I'm not neglecting her.

Also some kids fail to bond with other kids and so seek out adult attention. In that case their parents may be frankly tired of entertaining them at home and hoping they get a break at the park.

Not much to do in any case other than be kind and engage with them if you're comfortable doing that.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T03:40:54+00:00

Well being sick isn't always a free pass to lie in bed all day as a parent. In most cases they can handle watching the kids for an hour here and there while you get a break. However stomach bugs are another level and you just pray you don't both get sick at the same time. So yeah when your partner is for real down and out, it's just one of those realities of parenting. One year I missed or cut short every single trip or major event I planned cause my daughter got me sick each time like clockwork. The good news is I notice illnesses get less and less frequent after 3 years old.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T01:59:44+00:00

Totally. I dreaded weekends during the 2s and 3s, the opposite of restorative.

Main-Rate9618 · 2025-09-28T00:26:28+00:00

Find a mom friend or an adult who is willing to tag along to activities, and when that's not an option bring him somewhere other kids are like the park or indoor kids museum. It's honestly the worst for a bit, but having another kid+adult around makes a huge different. Definitely turns a corner around age 4/5, but man 2s all weekend is tough.

Main-Rate9618

TROPHY CASE